Fighting through insanity
by gothina234
Summary: Reid and Morgan are kidnapped and forced to play a sick game. Morgan is forced to watch as the men who kidnapped them try to convince Reid that he has gone insane and that there is no Morgan or team. Morgan struggles as he is tortured physically and emotionally. It's up to the team to find them. But will they find them in time? And will Reid be strong enough? Not slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone, here is a new fanfic for you all that I hope you will all enjoy. This will be updated daily.**

** Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does.**

Reid grabbed the scattered items from his bag off the floor and began to place them back inside his bag, he ignored the pain in his arm and leg. He felt frustration run through him at the fact he had tripped over, it was another problem to add to the hellish day he had experienced.

"Hey Reid, you okay man?" a voice came from above him, a voice he instantly recognised as Morgan's voice. He brushed the hair out of his face and looked up.

"I'm fine," Reid said with a sarcastic tone to his voice before letting out a tired sigh. "All I needed today was to trip over and my bag break open."

Another set of hands appeared in front him, Reid watched as Morgan began to collect his items and place them in his bag, he gave him a thankful smile before pushing himself back to his feet. He leaned down for a moment and rubbed the area where he had been shot. Falling had not helped his leg. Reid took his bag as Morgan offered it to him.

"Reid, what's wrong?" Morgan asked.

"Just today has been a nightmare, everything has gone wrong," Reid sighed before leaning against the wall.

"What happened? You can tell me, anything you say to me is kept between us," Morgan said.

"I was late into work this morning because of my train being delayed and Hotch reprimanded me for being late. I've spent half the morning arguing with a detective in Boston because he disagrees with the profile I sent him. My mum is having trouble adjusting to her new medication and now my bag has broken. My leg is killing me," Reid explained before rubbing his leg gently again. He looked up to see Morgan looking at him with a sad expression.

"I'm sorry that your mum is having trouble. Come one, I'll give you a ride home. We can talk in the car and then we can order in at your house, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone when you are like this," Morgan said before patting Reid on the shoulder and steering him towards the elevator.

"Morgan, I'm not a child. I'm capable of taking care of myself," Reid snapped defensively, he realised what he had done and relaxed his features. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I think I will take that ride home."

"Let's go," Morgan smiled gently.

**Reid's apartment building - Morgan**

Morgan pulled into the parking level of Reid's apartment building, both exited the car at the same time. Morgan watched as Reid began to walk away from the car while he had trouble locking the car. He managed finally managed to lock the car after some difficulty. A small yelp echoed through the air causing Morgan to leave the car, he looked ahead and saw Reid clutching his neck.

"Reid?"

Morgan watched as Reid collapsed to the ground.

"Reid!" Morgan yelled as he bolted to Reid's side. He kneeled down at Reid's side and saw that Reid had fallen unconscious, his eyes focused on the small dart in Reid's neck. He was about to pull the pin out when he felt a sharp sting in his neck, his hand immediately went to his neck. His vision blurred violently as felt a small object in his neck. His body fell to the ground as everything began to feel heavy. A heavy haze dragged him into the darkness.

**Reid**

Reid moaned gently as he began to feel the haze leave his mind, his eyes fluttered for a few moments as he tried to open his eyes, he gasped as fierce bright white light struck his eyes. He clamped his eyes shut again and took a deep breath, he opened his eyes fully on his second attempt and felt confusion. He looked around sluggishly and found himself looking at padded walls. He tried to move his arms but couldn't move them, he looked down and found himself looking at a straight jacket. The straight jacket was tight and hurt him. Reid jumped when he saw a door open, he had not been able to see the door, it was well hidden. He managed to sit up after a moment. He looked around and knew that air was being ventilated into the room.

Reid felt his heart tighten and freeze as he watched a man in a white coat enter the room.

"Hello Spencer, how are we feeling today?" the man smiled gently at him.

"What-What is going on? Where am I?" Reid whispered gently, his throat dry and rough.

"Spencer, we've been through this before in your sessions," the man sighed. "I'm Doctor Griffin, you are in a mental hospital. You had an episode, a very bad one. You are here after you killed your mother."

"No!" Reid gasped as he shook his head fiercely. "My mother is fine, she is at Bennington Sanitarium. I spoke to her doctor today. I'm no crazy, I shouldn't be here."

"Spencer, your delusions are getting stronger. I feared this might happen. Who do you think you are?" Dr Griffin asked him.

"My name is Dr Spencer Reid, I'm a profiler for the BAU. I was on my way home with Morgan, I was just at work," Reid answered. "Where is Morgan?!"

"Spencer, I must warn you that if your current treatment doesn't start working then I will have to try stronger treatments. Spencer, there is no Morgan. You are not part of the BAU. You were committed here a year ago after you murdered your mother," Dr Griffin said. "The police found you mumbling over her body with a knife in your hand. You referred to her as an unsub."

"No, I'm not insane. You're lying!" Reid screamed.

"Spencer, calm down," Dr Griffin warned. "You've been ill for a very long time, I'm just trying to help you."

"You are lying, this isn't real. I'm not crazy! I never killed my mum," Reid screamed angrily.

"Nurse," Dr Griffin yelled. A few seconds later a large male nurse entered the room in white scrubs. "Hold him, I need to give him a sedative."

Reid struggled against the straitjacket as the nurse quickly held his legs down with one hand and pushed his head against the floor with the other. Reid winced as he felt a sharp sting in his thigh. His struggled reduced to nothing as he succumbed to the substance that had been injected into him. His head fell to the floor and his body began still.

"I'll be back soon for your session, try to relax," Dr Griffin smiled sadly.

**Morgan**

Morgan hissed as a sharp sting came across his cheek, the sting brought his away from heavy haze that had kept him unconscious He opened his eyes to see three men standing in front of him, an evil glint in their eyes. One of them was dressed in white scrubs while another was wearing a white jacket. The third man was wearing a casual t-shirt and jeans.

"Hello Agent Morgan," the one in white Jacket grinned. "Are you ready to play a game?"

"Where is Reid? I will kill you if you have hurt him!" Morgan growled angrily. "What game? Whatever it is, leave Reid out of this."

All three let out a chuckle in unison.

"That we cannot do. Our game is all about Dr Reid," the tall man in scrubs smiled. All three stepped aside to reveal a TV screen. Morgan eyes widened as he saw a video of Reid trapped in a straitjacket and in a padded cell. Morgan couldn't imagine how scared Reid was, he knew his best friend must have been terrified.

"Tell me Agent Morgan. How long do you think it will take for us to make Dr Reid insane?"

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone, thank you so much for the great response to this fanfic, it has been rattling around in my mind for a while. I still have many more rattling in my head but they will have to wait. Here is the next chapter for you all, I hope you all enjoy it. I will also warn new readers that I'm an evil cliffhanger queen, just a little warning.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, they were amazing. I'm so happy you like this. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

"Let him go! He has done nothing to you," Morgan shouted at the three smiling men in front of him. "You can't do this to him."

Morgan stared at the television, his eyes focus on Reid. The image was one of high quality, Morgan could see the drugged the look in his friends eyes. He pulled against his restraints in anger, he pulled at the straps holding his arms against the chair arms. "Why are you doing this?"

"It's fun to take to revenge," the man in casual clothing smiled at him. "You can call me Arthur during your stay here. Your stay here will depend entirely on Dr Reid and his mind. Tell me, how strong do you think he is? How long do you think it will take for him to crack?"

"Shut up, he is stronger than you think. He won't believe you, he knows what is real and what isn't. You severely underestimate him," Morgan said strongly. He believed every word that came from himself. He was confident that Reid would stay strong through this.

"Well, we will just have to watch and see," the man in white doctor's coat said. "I'm sorry, you can call me Dr Griffin. Dr Reid will get to know me very personally. My other friend is playing nurse to him, you can call him Eric."

"When I get out of this chair, you'll be the first I kill," Morgan said in a low, dangerous voice.

"I don't think so, Agent Morgan," Dr Griffin chuckled. "You are going to have your own challenges ahead. You and your entire team are going to pay."

"Pay for what?" Morgan asked carefully.

"That would be telling," Arthur smirked at him before bringing a small blade into Morgan's view. "Now, let's get started with you."

**Garcia - Morning**

Garcia paced in her office as she tried to get hold of Morgan, she snapped her phone shut in frustration as Morgan's voicemail came onto her phone. She knew deep down that something was not right, something was wrong. Morgan was supposed to have picked her up but he hadn't. She had waited and waited, called and called but received no answer. She quickly walked out of her office, she looked out into the bullpen and noticed that Reid wasn't at his desk.

"Where are you?" Garcia whispered to herself, her tone full of worry. She opened her cellphone and pressed speed dial to call Reid, she listened for the answer. Her heart sank further as Reid's voicemail came onto the phone. Shutting her phone, she quickly marched to Hotch's office. She walked into the office, not bothering to knock. Standing at the window with his phone to his ear was Hotch.

"Garcia?" Hotch said in surprise as he shut his phone.

"Have you been able to get hold of Morgan and Reid?" Garcia asked quickly.

"No, I haven't. Reid was late yesterday morning, he wouldn't be late again today," Hotch said.

"Morgan was supposed to pick me up this morning but he never arrived. Hotch, something is wrong."

"I'm going to send Rossi to check Morgan's house, I'm going to go and check Reid's apartment."

"I'm coming with you," Garcia nodded before she followed Hotch out from his office.

**Reid**

Reid rolled sluggishly onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He blinked slowly as the sedative he had been given earlier continued to weigh on his mind. A small sliver of saliva was down his chin, he felt it there but didn't try to get rid of it. His mind was focused on other things, it was focused of keeping him sane. Reid closed his eyes and thought of the day before. Morgan had been taking him home after he had fallen over. Morgan was real. His mind wandered to his leg, he moved it and felt a small amount of pain in his knee.

Reid let out a small gasp as he felt the pain, it was gasp of relief. He remembered falling over, the pain was proof that yesterday had been real.

His heart jumped as the door opened again. Dr Griffin walked in with a file in one hand and a pen in the other. He placed them near the door and walked over to Reid. He lifted Reid up and leaned him against the wall behind him, Reid's head rested against the wall. He struggled to focus on Dr Griffin.

"Hello Spencer, are you feeling better now?" Dr Griffin smiled gently at him. Reid stayed silent and continued to stare at the doctor. "Spencer, you can't stay silent in this session. I'm here to help you get better."

"I don't need to get better. I'm not ill. I'm not ill, you are lying about everything," Reid said a low voice.

"Spencer, you are very ill. I know you don't want to accept your delusions, I know that you don't want to accept your Schizophrenia but you have to. This world that you have created in your mind is not helping you, it's hurting you. Spencer, you can't protect yourself forever. You need accept that you murdered your mother because of your illness. Your mind can only protect you for so long."

"I didn't murder my mother, my life is not a delusion. You are lying to me," Reid snapped. "I fell over yesterday and hurt my knee. My knee still hurts. Yesterday was real. Whatever you are trying to do will not work."

"Spencer, I'm sorry that your knee hurts but you hurt it yesterday in the day room. You attacked another patient and he pushed you to the floor. I was there myself, I helped bring you to this room. It is isn't safe for you to be around other patients or them around you. I want to help you to remember your life before your delusions took over."

"I'm not delusional, you are. You are trying to trick me. Tell me where Morgan is?" Reid growled.

"There is no Morgan, Spencer. Spencer, I've discussed with you before what will happen if we can't stop these delusions. I don't want to subject you to electroconvulsive therapy but I will if I have to."

"You can't do that to me, I won't let you," Reid said before shaking his head slowly. "My team will find me."

"You are a very bright man, Spencer. I'm sorry you were cursed with this illness," Dr Griffin sighed.

**Morgan**

Morgan gritted his teeth as Andrew continued to cut him deeply a fourth time on his back. He let out a sharp breath when Andrew brought the blade away, he felt the blood run down his back. He looked at the screen as Dr Griffin began to talk to Reid. He hated Reid being alone with the bastard.

"You haven't screamed once," Andrew laughed. "I thought you would considering how deeply I cut."

"Go to hell," Morgan said angrily.

"I'll make you scream one way or another," Andrew smiled. He walked away from Morgan and over to a nearby table. Morgan watched him for a moment, his attention snapped back to the television when he heard Dr Griffin suggest electroconvulsive therapy. His face turned into one of horror.

"Electroconvulsive therapy," Morgan gasped. "No! You can't do that to him."

"It's a last resort, one I hope we get to use. If we can't make Dr Reid crazy, we'll make sure to scramble his brain till he is a fucked up vegetable."

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	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for it being shorter than usual but today has been hectic.**

**Thank you all so much for all the reviews, they are wonderful and fantastic. I want to say a big thank you for the great response you have all given this fanfic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Hotch**

Hotch quickly pulled into the parking level of Reid's building, Garcia was sitting in the passenger seat, her cellphone gripped tightly in her hand. He quickly turned off the switched of the car's engine and exited the vehicle quickly. He was about to make his way to the apartment when a thought occurred to him. He turned back around and looked around the car park. His eyes immediately focused on the familiar SUV belonging to Morgan.

"Morgan was here," Hotch said aloud. Garcia arrived at his side and stared at the SUV with him. Both quickly made their way over to SUV, both froze at what they saw on the windscreen. Garcia rushed forward causing Hotch to grab her arms and stop her from touching the item on the windscreen.

"Garcia, do you have a tissue I can use? Anything that I can use to stop my fingerprints," Hotch asked urgently. Garcia nodded and pulled out a fresh packet of tissues, she handed one to him and watched as he walked forward. Hotch picked up Morgan's credentials from the windscreen and noticed that there was a small note inside, he laid Morgan's credentials on the hood of the car and carefully opened the note. Hotch felt a spark of fear run through him as he read the words.

'How long do you think he can last? How much can his body endure?' the words read.

"Hotch, what is it? What's wrong?" Garcia whispered behind him.

"Garcia, stay here and call a bureau forensic unit," Hotch ordered gently. "I need to check Reid's car."

"Has someone taken them? Hotch, please tell me," Garcia whispered, her voice showed her true feelings. She already knew the answer to her own question.

"Garcia, just call them. We'll find them, I promise," Hotch nodded before making his way over to Reid's car, he walked over to Reid's car and found Reid's credentials on the windscreen. He took the credentials from the windscreen, careful not to leave any fingerprints on them. There was another note in the credentials. He brought the note out and felt the spark of fear inside of him grow bigger.

"We'll find you, we'll find both of you," Hotch whispered gently.

'How long do you think he will last? How much can his mind take? When his mind fails, the real fun begins.'

**Morgan**

Morgan found himself alone, Arthur had left him to get more supplies. He gritted his jaw in anger as he watched the screen in front him, it pained him to hear Reid's voice so confused. He pulled against the restraints again as he watched Dr Griffin walk over to Reid and place a hand on his leg.

"Just hang on, I'm going to get us out of this," Morgan whispered to the screen, deep down he hoped that Reid would somehow hear him. "Just hang on."

**Reid**

Reid froze as Dr Griffin touched him, the door opened to reveal the nurse that had restrained him earlier. The large nurse was carrying a tray of food. He walked over and placed it at Dr Griffin's side.

"Thank you," Dr Griffin said, the nurse left the room. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm not eating that," Reid said before turning his head away from the doctor. "What have you done with Morgan?"

"Spencer, Morgan does not exist. You need to start realising that or you will never get better. "You must eat, it isn't healthy for you to refuse food. Do you remember what I told you before? If you don't eat, I will have to give you a feeding tube."

Reid thought about his options for a moment, he didn't want to eat the food, there could be something in it. A feeding tube was worse, he didn't want have a feeding tube forced through his nose.

"Fine, I'll eat," Reid said with a defeated tone.

"Very good. I'm going to let you out of your jacket to eat, I'm trusting you not to do anything. There is nothing on the tray you can use to harm yourself but I want you to eat this sensibly," Dr Griffin smiled gently. "I'll be right outside the door till you have finished."

Reid took a deep breath in as the straitjacket was taken off him, he sat against the wall and watched as Dr Griffin left the room. He quickly ran his hands through his hair, he needed to calm himself down. He tentatively made his way towards the food, he picked up the spoon and observed it for a moment. It was made mostly of rubber with a small piece of plastic at the end of it. Reid sighed at the fact that there was no way for him to use it as a weapon. He looked down at the bowl of soup, he scooped a small amount to his spoon and put it in his mouth. He swallowed nervously.

**Morgan**

Morgan clenched his fists as Arthur walked into the room with a small bag.

"Oh, this is going to get interesting," Arthur laughed at the screen before walking to Morgan's side.

"What are you talking about?" Morgan asked. Arthur delivered a brutal backhand to Morgan's face before smiling.

"Crazy peple see crazy things all the time. We put a little extra ingredient into Dr Reid's soup. He is going to see some interesting things. It's going to be fun watching him scream as his mind falls apart."

"Why are you doing this?" Morgan hissed in anger. Arthur disappeared for a moment, a few seconds later a glint of silver sliced through the air and into Morgan's hand. Morgan screamed as he felt the knife go through his hand, he couldn't help the scream of pain. Arthur leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"Because it's fun."

**Please review**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I also hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas. **

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, they were all wonderful and amazing. Thank you! **

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid finished the soup quickly, he reached over and quickly grabbed the cup of water. He inspected the water for a moment before placing it to his lips and gulping it down. He crawled backwards and leaned against the wall as Dr Griffin entered the room again, he tensed more and more with each step Dr Griffin took. He closed his eyes for a moment as he focused his mind the team. The team was real. The team was his family, they were real. The man in front of him was just trying to mess with his mind. His mother was alive and well. He just had to keep remembering his team. He wasn't going to let the man in front of him win. He certainly wasn't going to make anything easy for Dr Griffin. He took a deep breath and looked to the door for a moment before returning to meet Dr Griffin's stare.

"Dr Griffin, can I tell you something?" Reid whispered quietly.

"Of course you can, Spencer," Dr Griffin smiled. Reid motioned for the doctor to come closer to him, he waited nervously as Dr Griffin kneeled in front of him. Reid stared into the man's eyes, his mind ready for what he was about to do.

"What do you want to tell me?" Dr Griffin asked.

Reid leaned forward, his fist clenched at his side. "I will never believe you. Morgan is real."

Reid thrust his arm up and punched Dr Griffin across the face. Dr Griffin fell to the floor giving Reid his chance. Quickly getting to his feet, Reid sprinted for the door. He felt a strange haze come across his mind but ignored it.

"Stop him," Dr Griffin shouted. Reid barely had time to react as the tall, male nurse burst into the room and caught him before he could reach the door.

"Let me go!" Reid screamed as he thrashed violently in the nurses's arms. "I will never believe you! Morgan is real, so is my team. They will find us and save us."

Reid looked over to Dr Griffin, his eyes widened as he looked at the blood coming out of his nose. Except blood wasn't just coming out of Dr Griffin's nose, it was started to pour down the walls. His breathing began to go faster and faster as Dr Griffin and the nurse forced him back into the straitjacket, his struggles not strong enough to break free. The blood continued to pour down the walls.

"Spencer, I'm going to forgive you for hitting me," Dr Griffin said gently, his voice containing a small sliver of anger. The nurse continued to hold Reid tightly.

"What did you give me?" Reid gasped as he continued to watch the walls. "It isn't real."

"Spencer, what are seeing?"

"Blood...it's on the walls. What did you do to me? Where is the blood coming from?" Reid panicked as he clenched his eyes shut tightly. He opened them and shook his head as he continued to see the blood. It was everywhere, coating the walls with death.

"Spencer, there is no blood. You are having another episode," Dr Griffin sighed. "I can't give you a sedative, I'm sorry but you are going to have to experience this without help. I'm so sorry."

The nurse carried Reid over to a far corner and placed in there, Reid's head fell against the wall causing him to cringe. Dr Griffin left with the nurse leaving Reid alone, scared and hallucinating.

"Morgan!" Reid yelled, hoping for someone to come and help him.

"Morgan, please help me," Reid began to sob.

**Morgan**

Morgan closed his eyes and focused on Reid's voice as it came through the screen. He grunted as Arthur viciously tightened a bandage around the knife wound in his hand, he kept his hand still as he tried to avoid giving himself more pain.

"Morgan, please help me," Reid's voice pleaded on the screen. Morgan felt his heart break at hearing those words from his best friend, he watched as Reid began to cry and lay on the floor.

"I think he is going to break much quicker than I thought," Arthur chuckled before pressing his thumb into Morgan's hand. Morgan gasped as pain seared through his hand. "How's the hand?"

"Fuck you," Morgan said through gritted teeth.

"Language, Agent Morgan. I put a knife through your hand, don't tempt me into taking one of your fingers," Alex smiled before looking back to the screen. "How does it feel? He is crying out for you to help him and there is nothing you can do. You are failing him. Failure is a common thing among your team."

"Please, you can kill me but I am begging you, let him go. You can't do this to him. Please, just let him go!" Morgan pleaded with Arthur.

"No, it's entertaining to watch him lose his mind. Do you know what is going to be even more entertaining? My next move," Arthur smiled. "Keep an eye on the screen."

"What are you going to do?" Morgan demanded. The screen in front of him went dark, he froze as he realised what they had done. He could still hear Reid's breathing, he listened to it as it reached an unhealthy level. They had plunged the room into darkness.

"NOOO!" Reid's voice screamed through the screen. Arthur appeared beside Morgan with a hammer and a grin across his face.

"It's time to mess with you now."

**Hotch - Noon**

"Did the forensic team find anything on Morgan and Reid's credentials?" Emily asked. The entire team had gathered inside the BAU room, everyone on them hoping to bring back Morgan and Reid safetly.

"They didn't find anything. Garcia is checking the security cameras in Reid's apartment building," Hotch answered. Hotch tried to talk but was interrupted as Garcia rushed into the room, she pressed a few keys. A small window opened on the large television screen.

"They took them last night," Garcia said slightly out of breath. "Look."

The team watched as Morgan's SUV pulled into a parking space, Reid and Morgan left the vehicle although they observed that Morgan was having trouble with the car lock. Garcia let out a small gasp as she watched Reid bring his hand up to his neck, a few seconds later he fell to the ground unconscious.

"They disabled Reid first," Rossi stated.

They watched as Morgan ran over to Reid, a few seconds later Morgan repeated Reid's actions and fell to the floor. Three men appeared from behind cars and walked towards Reid's body, each of the with an evil, sadistic smile on his face. One of the turned towards the camera and waved.

"They knew we would be watching this, they took Reid and Morgan to use against us," Hotch realised. He clenched his fists as he watched the men drag Morgan and Reid out of the camera's view.

"Garcia, I want you to try and ID those three, they want us to know who they are. They haven't made any effort to hide their identities," Rossi profiled. "Is it possible they were involved in a previous case?"

"We need to find them soon. I will not let two member's of my team die," Hotch said strongly.

** Please review**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy. It is officially the 27th where I am now, which means it is now officially my birthday. Yay! **

**Things are going to get very interesting in the next chapter so stay tuned.**

**Thank you everyone for the reviews, I loved them all. I love waking up to see your reviews, you are all fantastic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Two hours later**

Reid clenched his eyes shut, his entire body shook with fear. He struggled against the straitjacket, he hated being restrained, he hated having no control. He let out a scream of frustration before bringing his knees up to his chest. He took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes a fraction, he panicked as he found himself staring at the floor. A floor that was once padded had now turned into dirt and soil. He opened his eyes fully to see a coffin sized hole in the dirt. He could only see the floor, everything above him was full of darkness.

"It's not real, it's not real," Reid whispered to himself before shaking his head side to side. "They gave you something, that is all. You are sane, you are not crazy. Morgan is coming, he's coming. The whole team is coming. They would never put me in a place like this."

Reid kept repeating the words as he looked down at the hole in the ground.

"I'm gonna bury you alive in there boy!" a familiar voice shouted from the hole. A voice that belonged to Tobias Hankel. "You can't escape from me."

"Not real," Reid cried gently. "Please stop it."

Reid knew Tobias was real, he had tortured, drugged and almost killed him. Dr Griffin had to be lying. There was no way he could have imagined being taken and tortured. He jumped as a bloody hand appeared over the edge of the hole. He shrunk further into himself as he watched the another hand come over the edge, he fought against his restraints more and more as he watched the hands claw at the ground. A few seconds later, Tobias's face appeared, it was bloody and decaying.

"Welcome to the mental house, we are going to have so much fun. You killed me Spencer, father isn't happy. He's coming for you," Tobias said in his own voice.

Reid scrambled to his feet and ran to the other side of the room, he collided with padded wall and pressed himself against it. He looked into the darkness above him and began to plead.

"Please, help me. Please, I can't do this. You can't leave him alone with me. He'll kill me," Reid pleaded, his lip wobbled as waited for someone to come and help him.

"MORGAN!" Reid screeched into the darkness before slumping against the wall. He wasn't crazy. Was he?

**Morgan**

"What did you give him? WHAT DID YOU GIVE HIM?!" Morgan screamed at Arthur as he pulled against his restraints, he ignored the pain in his hand as he clenched his fist in anger. He needed the anger to make him strong. He needed to save Reid before Reid let the horror of his mind take over. Arthur had left him alone for two hours to watch Reid. They had turned on the night vision. Morgan knew he could take the physical torture, he could take the pain. He couldn't take being forced to watch his best friend lose his mind. For the last two hours, he had watched Reid huddle in the corner. It pained him to hear Reid scream.

"A powerful hallucinogenic I'm surprised at how well it is working. It is going to be at least half hour or so before it wears off, we only gave him a small amount and it doesn't last very long. I love watching him squirm."

"You are sick! He has never done anything wrong in his life and you are doing this to him. What have we ever done to you?" Morgan snapped angrily.

Alex slammed stormed up to Morgan and gripped his throat tightly. "You didn't save her! You didn't save our mother from being killed. Your boss Agent Hotchner and David Rossi failed to keep her from being killed. We watched her die. Do you know what that does to a child?"

Morgan tried to speak but Arthur squeezed his hand tighter around Morgan's throat.

"We were raised in hell, all three of us. We were beaten and abused to the point of wanting to die. I know you are familiar with abuse of all people, Agent Morgan. I want to show Agent Hotchner and Rossi how much it hurts to lose someone you care about. You and your team are one big happy family. We've studied you all carefully. You all care about Dr Reid the most, you fear for his safety everyday. We are doing this to show them what pain is and how much it hurts. Imagine how they will feel when they find your lifeless body in a ditch."

Alex squeezed harder making Morgan grunt and wheeze.

"The best thing of all though is imagine how they will feel when they find Agent Reid alone, his mind broken forever. They already know who we are but they won't find us, they will only find your corpse and the broken shell of Dr Reid."

Morgan gasped for air as Alex released his throat roughly.

"They will find us and they will catch you," Morgan gasped. "I will make sure of that."

"How exactly do you plan to do that, Agent Morgan?" Alex smiled smugly.

"Like this," Morgan said before violently pulling against his restraints, the restraint holding his left arm down snapped suddenly. Morgan threw his bloody fist into Alex's face. Alex fell to the floor, his head smacking against the concrete floor. Morgan hissed in pain as he felt the full effect of the pain in his fist. Morgan gently untied his other restraints. He rose up from his seat and fell to his knees as he felt the painful cuts on his back sear sharply.

"Morgan, please help me," Reid's voice pleaded from the scream.

Morgan closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. He focused on Reid's voice, he needed to find Reid, he needed to find Reid and get him out of the room. He crawled over to Alex's unconscious form. He felt a surge of anger run through him looking at the man. Quickly rummaging through Alex's pockets, he felt relief as he felt the familiar touch of a cellphone.

**Garcia**

Garcia typed away furiously, her heart wanting nothing more than to find them. Her eyes strayed to a picture of Morgan on her desk. She didn't want to think about what her two babies were going through. She jumped as her telephone began to ring out. She quickly answered the call.

"Hello, Penelope Garcia."

"Babygirl...it's me."

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	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I liked writing it, I got a bit carried away doing it. **

**Thank you for all the reviews and birthday wishes, they were lovely and amazing. All you reviews were mini presents and I loved them all. Thank you! You are wonderful.**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistake are my own**

"Morgan! Are you okay? where are you? Did you get away? Is Reid with you?" Garcia questioned quickly down the phone. Morgan couldn't help the small smile that came onto his face. He winced as he felt the deep cuts on his back begin to bleed again.

"Garcia, I don't know how long I have. I need to find Reid, I need to save him," Morgan said down the phone. "I need you to trace this call, I need you to find us. There are three of them, one is unconscious but I can't fight both of them. Not in my condition."

"What condition? Are you hurt? Morgan, what did they do to you?" Garcia said softly down the phone making Morgan's feel a small pang in his heart. He hated hearing his baby girl so worried. "I'm okay, just a little banged up. Trace the call and send help."

"I'm tracing now, just stay on the line. Where is Reid?"

"He's in a padded room in a straitjacket, they are messing with his mind. They are trying to make him insane, they gave him something and he is seeing things. He is so scared right now. He has been drugged," Morgan explained. He pushed himself up from the floor using the wall and took a deep breath.

"Morgan, I have your location, you are far away though. It's going to take us about half an hour to get to you," Garcia said. Morgan nodded to himself, all he had to do was find Reid and stay hidden for half an hour.

"Garcia, go tell Hotch and hurry. Please hurry," Morgan said down the phone before letting out a hiss of pain as he moved his hand slightly.

"We are coming," Garcia assured Morgan down the phone. "Just stay safe till we arrive."

"Garcia, I have to go. I need to find Reid and I have to be as quiet as I can. Hopefully, I'll see you soon baby girl," Morgan said down the phone. "Bye."

"Stay safe," Garcia moaned gently, Morgan knew by her voice that she was on the edge of tears.

Morgan shut the phone gently, it scared him slightly to close the phone. He didn't want his last words to Garcia to be words of goodbye. He placed the phone in his pocket and looked back down to Alex. He noticed the pool of blood from Alex's head had grown larger, he was sure the man was not going to wake up any time soon. A surge of anger came through Morgan as he stared at the pain. Ignoring the pain in his back, he delivered a brutal kick to the man's stomach.

"Piece of shit," Morgan growled angrily before he began to walk away from the body. He looked at the table and quickly grabbed the key on it. It was the key that Dr Griffin used to open Reid's door. He clenched his jaw and channelled the pain. He began to make his way towards the door, he took one last glance at the television screen that he had been staring at the short time they had been captured. He jumped in surprise as the lights switched back on, the room flooded with light to reveal a terrified and shaking Reid.

"I'm coming Reid, I'm coming," Morgan promised. He quickly opened the door and checked that their was no-one else around. He quickly walked down a corridor, he leaned against the wall and poked his head around slightly. He came away from the wall, satisfied that Dr Griffin and Eric were nowhere near him. He looked down at his hand when heard the sound of dripping, he looked down at his hand and observed that blood had soaked through the thin bandage and was now dripping to the floor. Morgan shook his slightly as he tried to get rid of the tired feeling rushing through him. He needed to be strong.

He cradled his hand closer to his chest and continued to make his way down the corridor. He would search every single one till he found Reid.

**Hotch**

"You have their location," Hotch confirmed as he checked his weapon.

"They are in an abandoned warehouse district. Hotch, Morgan sounded like he was in pain and he told me that they are messing with Reid's mind. They've drugged him," Garcia said before she looked out of Hotch's window to see the rest of the team checking their weapons and putting on bulletproof vests.

"We'll get them back," Hotch assured her before he rushed towards the door.

"Hotch, be careful," Garcia called. Hotch turned around and gave her a small smile.

"We will. Don't worry."

**Reid - Ten minutes later**

Reid felt relief slowly spread through him as he watched the images in front of him dissolve into a blur slowly. He looked around and felt himself cry as he looked at the lights. He felt safe in the darkness. Light made everything pure. He leaned his head against his knees and whispered to himself.

"I am Spencer Reid, a profiler for the Behavioural Analysis unit. My boss is Aaron Hotchner. My best friend is Derek Morgan. My mother is alive and well. I'm not crazy. I can't be, I am fine."

Reid froze when he heard the lock to his door unlock, he didn't risk looking up. He didn't want to see Dr Griffin again.

"Reid!" a voice gasped from above him. Reid's head shot up, his eyes widened in relief and happiness as he saw Morgan standing in front of him. He felt sick as he watched blood pour down Morgan's arms.

"Are you real?" Reid whispered nervously. Morgan rushed over and kneeled in front of Reid.

"I'm real and you are not crazy. I'm sorry about what you have been through," Morgan said before he pulled Reid into a gentle hug with his free hand. Morgan pulled away and began work on Reid's straitjacket.

"What's going on here?" Reid asked as Morgan released the straitjacket strap.

"Some evil, sadistic bastards took us. Everything they have told you is a lie, your mother is fine and the team is coming for us now."

Reid shrugged his way out of the straitjacket, he threw it across the room angrily. "How long till the team is here?"

"I'm not sure, I think fifteen minutes," Morgan said. "Come on, we need to get out of here and hide till the team arrives."

Reid nodded and helped Morgan get to his feet. Morgan grabbed Reid's wrist and turned around, Reid kept his head down. He heard a small grunt come from above him, a grunt that belonged to Morgan. He looked up and felt everything inside of him burst with anger and horror. Standing in front of Morgan was Dr Griffin, Reid's eyes travelled to the knife that the doctor has plunged into Morgan's stomach.

"NOOO!" Reid screamed as he rushed forward to try and help his friend. Eric, the man who had been playing nurse, grabbed Reid and pulled him away from Morgan and over to the door. Reid struggled and thrashed in the man's arms as he watched Dr Griffin rip the knife out of Morgan's stomach. Morgan fell to the floor clutching his stomach and pressing pressure to it.

"Don't worry, you'll bleed slowly. You'll be dead within the hour. How does it feel knowing little Spencer is about to have his brain fried? Once I'm done with him, he won't remember his own name, he'll be a vegetable."

"No," Morgan gasped.

"Please, I'll do anything. Don't let him die, please," Reid begged as he struggled in Eric's arms.

"Shut him up," Dr Griffin snapped.

Reid whimpered as a bulky hand was slapped over his mouth, his pleas reduced to muffled sounds. Eric kept the arm wrapped around his chest and upper arms tight.

"Goodbye, Agent Morgan," Dr Griffin smiled before nodding to Eric.

Eric grinned and began to drag Reid out of the room, Reid thrashed and struggled but couldn't break free. His screams to save Morgan muffled. He caught a glimpse of Morgan before he was pulled around the corner. His cheeks wet as he cried for his best friend.

"I am going to destroy you pretty little brain," Eric whispered into his ear. "He is going to die and there is nothing you can do."

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**(Cliffhanger queen strikes again...muhahaha)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you so much for the amazing response you have all given this fic. You are all amazing, the reviews are wonderful and I love reading them. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Five minutes later**

Morgan let out a pained groan as he applied more pressure to his stomach, he felt the blood leak from his stab wound, the wet, slick feeling making the pain become more and more real to him. His was wheezy as he tried to stay calm. How could he stay calm? He had promised to save Reid from the unsubs that had taken them, he was supposed to keep him safe. He had failed to do that. Reid was about to be subjected to a horrible fate and there was nothing he could do about it. He gritted his teeth and rolled over, he tried to crawl forward but couldn't. Morgan rest his head against the padded floor, his vision blurring violently. He laid on the floor and prayed that the team arrived in time. He didn't care if they couldn't save him, all he wanted them to do was to find Reid and keep him from experiencing his worst nightmare. Darkness overcame him as he began to feel weaker and weaker.

**Reid**

Reid let out a muffled scream as Dr Griffin grabbed his legs tightly, he tried to struggle as they carried him down some stairs and then a corridor but they only gripped him tighter. His cheeks were wet with tears as he thought about Morgan laying on the floor, his life slowly bleeding away from him. He couldn't let Morgan die that way. The team was on their way, they would save him.

_'Please save him'_ Reid's mind pleaded.

Reid jumped as Eric kicked a door open, the unsubs carried him into a pitch black room. He winced as a large beam above him buzzed to life, the light burned his eyes. A small gasp for air came as Eric removed his hand from over his mouth.

"Get ready, Spencer," Dr Griffin said as they him onto the bed. Reid grunted slightly before his eyes quickly searched the room, his eyes focused on the machine that was going to deliver his fate. Kicking out, he delivered a small kick to the Dr Griffin's chest.

Eric delivered a brutal backhand to Reid's face causing him to let out a small yelp. "That is enough of that. You do not kick my brother!"

"Please, don't do this. You don't have to do this to me, I can get you anything you want. Please," Reid begged as both men strapped his legs and arms down to the bed. He winced as the restraints cut into his skin.

"All we want is to watch your mind die, we are already going to get what we want. It's a shame Alex is going to miss the show, your little friend has knocked him out. You are going to be awake for the entire thing. Are you ready?" Eric smiled before placing electrodes on the side of Reid's forehead. Reid's breathing began to fasten as he watched Dr Griffin set up the machine. He pulled against the restraints again and let out a small scream of frustration and anger.

"Why are you doing this?" Reid screamed at them. Dr Griffin stormed over to Reid and grabbed a fistful of his hair, forcing Reid to face him.

"Revenge for our mother. Do you want someone to blame for what is about to happen to you? Blame Agent Rossi and Hotchner, they failed to save our mother. We were forced to watch a sadistic bastard kill her. To this day, we can still hear her scream. They both care about you a great deal, you are like a son to both of them. Imagine how devastated they will be when they see you broken and empty, an echo of your former self. Failure is in your team, they will fail to save you and Agent Morgan," Dr Griffin growled.

"They will catch you, you won't get away from this," Reid shouted back.

"Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter to us. We just want revenge. Our lives ended the day our mother was killed," Dr Griffin snapped back before releasing Reid's hair roughly. Reid tensed with fear as Dr Griffin switched the machine on, it buzzed to life.

"Please, don't," Reid begged again.

"Shut him up now," Dr Griffin said. " I'm sick of hearing him talk."

Reid struggled as Eric forced a plastic wedge into his mouth, his head flew to the side as Eric slapped him.

"Hope that hurt," Eric smirked at him.

Reid couldn't control the shaking across his body as Dr Griffin walked back over to the machine.

_'Not like this, please not like this,'_ Reid's mind screamed.

**Two minutes later**

**Hotch**

Hotch hit the brakes on the SUV, the car skidded for a moment before coming to a stop. Rushing out of the car, he was quickly joined by other members of the team. Paramedics and back up was on the way. Hotch had broken almost every road law to get to abandoned warehouse, they had arrived earlier than expected. He quickly made his way with the rest of the team to the door.

Rossi and JJ were on his right while Emily was at his left, he nodded to all three before kicking the door, it opened easily. The team stormed the warehouse and found two corridors in front of them. He motioned for Rossi and JJ to take the first corridor while motioning Emily to join him. He watched JJ and Rossi quickly storm the first corridor, the disappeared around corner.

He took the lead as they walked down the corridor, Hotch was about to kick down the door when a faint muffled scream came from a nearby staircase.

**Rossi**

Rossi kicked down the doors and searched a nearby room before returning to the corridor, he turned around the corner and felt himself become sick and weak. Laying on the floor, a puddle of blood underneath him was Morgan.

"JJ," Rossi called as he ran up the corridor, he quickly kneeled by Morgan's side. JJ quickly joined him. Rossi rolled Morgan over and was shocked at the amount of blood.

"Is he alive?" JJ gasped.

Rossi placed his fingers on Morgan's neck and felt relief flood through him as he felt a soft pulse, the pulse was slow and weak. Morgan needed help soon.

"JJ, apply pressure to his stab wound," Rossi ordered. JJ nodded and pressed her hands to the wound. Morgan's eyes slid open slightly as a small moan of pain came from his lips.

"Morgan, it's JJ and Rossi. We need you to stay awake," Rossi ordered as he looked in Morgan's pained eyes.

"Reid," Morgan wheezed quietly. "They...have...Reid."

"Hotch and Emily will save him. Just focus on staying awake. Paramedics will be here soon," Rossi assured him.

"Save...him," Morgan wheezed again.

**Hotch**

Hotch and Emily sprinted towards the stairs, they stormed down them, both with guns ready. They heard another muffled scream and rushed down the corridor. The scream continued. They both held their guns ready as they approached the door. Hotch lifted his foot and delivered a swift kick to the door.

"FBI, don't move," Hotch yelled as he came into the room. Two loud bangs filled the room as Dr Griffin and Eric stormed towards him and Emily. One entered Eric's chest while the other bullet, from Emily's gun, entered Dr Griffin's shoulder.

"Reid!" Hotch gasped as he watched Reid convulsing violently on the bed. "Emily, turn the machine off!"

Emily ran over to the machine and quickly switched it off. Hotch ran to the bed and ripped the electrodes from Reid's forehead, he watched as certain parts of Reid's body continued to convulse for a few seconds before stilling. Emily began to unbuckle the restraints around Reid's arms and legs while Hotch took the wedge out from Reid's mouth. Hotch tried to get a response from Reid, Reid's brown eyes continued to stare straight ahead.

"Reid! Reid, it's Hotch. Can you hear me?" Hotch said as he gently tapped his cheek.

"Hotch, how long was he connected to that thing?" Emily asked as she grabbed a nearby blanket and placed it over Reid's body. She made her way over to Griffin and secured him.

"I don't know," Hotch answered before looking back down at the unresponsive Reid. "Reid, come on. Come back to us."

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it is a bit short but I have been strapped for time today.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, they are awesome and wonderful. I'm so lucky to have you all as readers. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch continued to try and get through to Reid, every moment that Reid did not respond worried him more and more. A small voice crackled from his radio. He recognised the voice as JJ's voice. Emily had already radioed an all clear to her.

"Hotch, we have Morgan. He's been stabbed and there is a lot of blood. The ambulances has arrived and the paramedics are tending to him now. How is Reid? Is he okay?"

Hotch pressed his radio, he paused for a moment as he was lost for words. "JJ, he is responding to us. He's just staring ahead, I'm bringing him up to the entrance. I need a paramedic to meet me. Call it in now."

Hotch quickly wrapped the blanket over Reid further into Reid's body. He quickly put one arm under Reid's back and his other arm under Reid's knees, he hoisted up from bed and began to carry him.

"Do you have him Emily?" Hotch asked as he motioned towards the handcuffed and moaning Dr Griffin.

"I've got him. Go quickly, get Reid to the ambulance," Emily assured him.

Hotch rushed out of the room carrying Reid, he was shocked at how little Reid's weighed. He quickly made his way up the stairs and made his way to the front of the warehouse. He arrived at the same time a bloody and unconscious Morgan was being wheeled out of the warehouse on a gurney. JJ and Rossi also arrived at his side. JJ rushed over to Reid and ran her hand through Reid's hair.

"Reid, it's JJ. Can you hear me?" JJ called gently as she looked into his Reid's eyes

"He isn't responding to anything, I don't know how long he was connected to the ECT machine," Hotch said before his eyes looked over to Morgan. "How is Morgan doing?"

"He was awake but he fell unconscious He's being rushed to hospital now. Hotch, he isn't doing very well," JJ explained as she continued to stroke Reid's hair. Once the entrance was clear, Hotch and JJ rushed Reid out of the warehouse and over to the other ambulance. He quickly hoisted himself and Reid into the ambulance and placed Reid on the gurney inside of it. He stepped aside as the paramedic began to check Reid's vitals. Rossi quickly arrived at the back of the entrance.

"Hotch, I'm going to ride with Morgan. Emily and support officers have secure the area, they have all three men. One is dead," Rossi explained."

"Ride with Morgan, update me on his progress as soon you can," Hotch ordered. Rossi nodded and quickly ran to the other ambulance. Hotch looked down at Reid and felt guilt run through him. "I was too late."

JJ looked from Reid to Hotch and shook her head. "Hotch, this isn't your fault."

"JJ, look at him. He won't react to anything, his eyes are dilated," Hotch said angrily, his voice showing how upset he was. "I don't know how long he was hooked up to the machine. We don't know what he has been through. I was too late. He won't be the same after this and I only have myself to blame."

"Hotch-" JJ began to protest before the paramedic interrupted her.

"I need to get him to the hospital immediately. He's unresponsive and his wrist is broken. Is anyone riding along?"

"JJ, go with Reid to the hospital. I'll be there as soon as you can," Hotch said, his voice shook slight;y.

JJ nodded and sat down by Reid's side, she exchanged a small sad smile with Hotch.

Hotch stepped out of the ambulance, the last thing he saw before the doors closed was JJ taking Reid's hand into her hand and squeezing it gently. The doors closed and the siren began to blare as the ambulance began to make it's way to the hospital.

"I'm sorry, Reid," Hotch whispered as he watched the ambulance disappear around the corner.

**Ambulance - JJ**

JJ held onto Reid's hand tightly, she brushed her thumb over his hand in a comforting motion. She hoped that he could feel it, she hoped that he was aware of her being there with him. A small moan came from the bed causing JJ to look at Reid, she felt joy as she watched Reid blink his eyes sluggishly.

"He's blinking," JJ gasped as she motioned to paramedic. The paramedic quickly made her way to Reid.

"Spencer, my name is Nancy. I'm here to help you. Do you know where you are?" Nancy asked before pulling out a small torch and shining it into Reid's eyes. Reid's eyes continued to blink sluggishly, the light barely registering to him. A small moan came from Reid's lips.

"Reid, it's JJ. Come back to us."

Reid's breathing quickened suddenly before his eyes widened.

"Reid?" JJ questioned.

A horrific scream escaped Reid's lips causing both JJ and Nancy to jump back. Reid continued to scream violently as he started to flail his arms and legs. JJ put her hands on his chest and pushed him back on the bed. Nancy quickly retrieved a sedative. Reid's screams turned into sobs as he began to cry and let out small whimpers. JJ continued to hold Reid down as Nancy injected a sedative into Reid's cannula. Reid's body began to still and relax back into the bed, his sobs growing quieter.

"Shhh...it's okay," JJ said as she eased Reid to the bed. "I'm here. Everything is okay."

Reid's eyes closed as the sedative took over his body. JJ felt tears burn her eyes as she looked down at Reid.

"What did they do to you?"

**Six hours later**

Hotch walked through the corridors of the hospital, a vacant expression on his face. Emily had told Hotch to go to the hospital, she was taking care of everything at the BAU . He finally walked into the waiting to room to see Garcia, JJ and Rossi sitting in chairs. JJ had her arms wrapped around Garcia and was comforting her. They all looked up to see him.

"How are they doing?" Hotch asked in a small voice.

"We're still waiting. Morgan was rushed to surgery and they are still doing tests on Reid," JJ said. "Reid started screaming and crying in the ambulance, he was so scared. They had to give him a sedative."

The door opened and a female doctor stepped into the room.

"Derek Morgan?"

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	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, they were wonderful and fantastic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

"Is he okay?" Garcia demanded. "Don't give me any of that you can only tell family stuff. We are his family."

The doctor nodded, every part of her knew not to argue with the woman in front of her. "Derek Morgan is in a private room, he is recovering right now. He will need further surgery to his hand and physiotherapy after that. With physiotherapy to his hand, he will regain full use of it. The knife that was stabbed into it caused some damage. We stitched up the deep cuts to his back, they will scar. The stab wound to his stomach missed any vital organs but caused some heavy blood loss. We are giving him blood transfusions to help him. We found heavy bruising which we suspect was caused by a hammer. He will need to remain in the hospital till he has recovered but he will be fine."

"Oh, thank god," Garcia gasped before wiping a tear from her cheek. "Wait, do you have any information on Spencer Reid?"

"No, I don't. Another member of staff will be in soon to update you on his progress. You can see Mr Morgan, I would advise that you keep him calm and make sure that he has plenty of rest," the doctor smiled before her pager began to go off. "Excuse me, I need to attend to another patient."

Hotch waited till the doctor left before he began to talk. "Thank god," he sighed.

"I knew he had to be okay," Garcia said as brought out a tissue and wiped her nose. "Morgan is strong, he always pulls through."

The door opened and a male doctor walked through the door. "Family of Spencer Reid?"

"I'm his emergency contact, I have power over his medical decisions. You can speak freely in front of us all," Hotch said as he stepped forward. "Is he okay?"

"We won't know Spencer's full condition till he wakes up. I was informed that an ECT machine was used on him for a extended amount of time. When someone is treated with ECT, it can be difficult to measure what side effects have arisen. Patients treated with ECT are usually only treated for a minute in one session and further sessions are spread across time. They usually experience confusion and memory loss. Spencer was subjected to ECT for an extended duration. We've never had someone hooked up to an ECT constantly and for that amount of time. I will be truthful with you. Physically, all Spencer has suffered is a broken wrist and some chafing to his wrists from being restrained. The broken wrist was most probably caused his violent convulsions," the doctor explained. "We found a trace of an hallucinogenic in his blood but it was very faint. He also had some faint bruising on his face."

"What about mentally?" Hotch asked, his voice shaking.

"Mentally, he could have suffered long term memory loss, damage to mental faculties. He could have brain damage due to his prolonged exposure. We won't know the full extent of the damage till he wakes up."

"How long will be it be till he wakes up?" Garcia asked as she gripped JJ's hand tightly.

"I'm sorry to say but I don't know. Right now, his mind is trying to recover. Our scans indicate that his brain activity is lower than previous scans we have obtained from his primary physician."

"Are you saying that he is in a coma?" JJ questioned.

"No, he responding to stimulus and his pupils are reactive to light. I would say that he is in a very deep sleep. He may experience small moments of conciousness over the next few days."

"Can we see him?" Hotch asked.

"Yes, of course. Please alert a nurse if he wakes up at all," the doctor nodded before leaving the room.

"Who is going to see who?" Rossi asked, his voice shook after hearing the news of Reid's condition.

"I need to see Morgan, I will see Reid after Morgan," Garcia said.

"I need to see Reid, he was scared in the ambulance. I just need to make sure he is okay with my own eyes," JJ nodded.

"Rossi, go with Garcia. I will go with JJ to see Reid," Hotch said in a gentle voice.

**Morgan's room**

Garcia and Rossi walked into the room. Garcia felt her heart ache as she looked at Morgan on the hospital bed. She immediately walked over to the hospital bed and sat down on a chair. She gently took Morgan's uninjured hand and held it tightly. Rossi stood behind Garcia and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He's going to be okay, Garcia," Rossi assured her.

"I know he will, we almost lost him. We almost lost them both," Garcia cried gently. "We may have still lost Reid because of what those bastards did to him."

**Reid's room**

Hotch and JJ walked into Reid's room and both stood frozen for a moment as they looked at Reid. He looked so peaceful sleeping on the bed, he had a few IV's connected to him along with an oxygen cannula under his nose. The nurse at the side of the bed gave them a small smile before leaving the room. Hotch walked forward and placed his hand on Reid's forehead.

"I'm sorry," Hotch apologised in a quiet voice.

"Hotch, it's not your fault," JJ said from behind him.

"I'm his boss but more importantly I'm his friend, it's my responsibility to make sure nothing happens to him. Look what has happened, he won't be the same after this. I've seen some of the most horrific crime scenes in the world and I've been able to get over them, to accept them. I will never get over the distant look in Reid's eyes when we found him, I won't ever forget him convulsing on that bed or the way that he wouldn't react to anything. I failed him. When he came into this job, I promised him I would keep him safe. I failed to do that. I keep failing people."

JJ quickly walked over to Hotch and pulled him into hug.

"This is not your fault, don't ever think that," JJ said as she hugged him. "He'll be okay. He'll be okay as long as we are here for him."

**Please review**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I also want to wish everyone a happy new year!**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, they are wonderful and amazing. Thank you! Virtual cookies to you all!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**The next day**

Morgan felt a dull pain across his body, part of him knew that he should have been in more pain. He fought through the dark haze pressing down on his mind and opened his eyes sluggishly. He let out a small smile when he saw Garcia asleep, her head and arms resting on the edge of his hospital bed. Looking around he noticed no-one else was with him. He looked down to his hand and saw that it was completely wrapped up and resting on a small arm. He refused to move it in fear of pain so kept it still. Reaching his uninjured hand out, he stroked it through Garcia's hair. A smile came across his face as Garcia's eyes opened and looked at him, she immediately sat up and wiped her tired eyes.

"You're awake," she smiled before taking his hand into her own, she brought it up and kissed the back of it. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not in pain," Morgan answered. "I guess I'm on pain medication."

"The doctor also advised that you don't try to move too much. You have a large amount of stitches on your back, you need to avoid tearing them," Garcia said.

"Garcia, where is Reid? Is he okay?" Morgan asked, his voice urgent and worried. He watched Garcia tense slightly. "Garcia, please tell me he's alive."

"Morgan, he's alive but we don't know the full extent of his condition yet. When Hotch and Emily found him, he was attached to an ECT machine. He had been attached to it for an extended amount of time," Garcia explained.

"What does that mean? Is he awake?" Morgan pressed further. "Just tell me, baby girl."

"He was unresponsive when Hotch and Emily found him, he just stared straight ahead. On the way to the hospital, he started to scream and cry. They had to sedate him," Garcia continued. "He hasn't woken up since. The doctor explained to us that he is in a very deep sleep and for the few days he will be awake for short amounts of time. When he wakes up for a longer amount of time, they can give him a full diagnosis. He has a broken wrist from convulsing on the bed. Morgan, he'll be okay. We just need to give him time to heal."

"I should have saved him sooner," Morgan said angrily. "I should have found a way. Instead, I just watched him get tortured mentally. Garcia, he was so afraid."

Garcia brought her other hand and used the back of her hand to stroke the his cheek. "Morgan, sweetheart. This is not your fault. The team caught the bastards who did this to you. They will pay for what they did to you and Reid. Don't you dare think any of this is your fault. The warehouse was searched. We found a hardrive. It has footage of Reid in the padded room. I haven't watched it."

"They tried to make him think he was crazy. I had to watch them do that. Reid kept calling for my help, he screamed for me to come and save him. I couldn't help him, I failed him," Morgan said as his eyes began to water.

"Come here," Garcia said tearfully before she moved and hugged Morgan gently. "It's okay. Let it out. I'm here, I'm not leaving your side."

**Reid**

Everything felt light, nothing seemed to make sense. He was in a peaceful vacuum he opened his eyes and stared in front of him. His mind was empty, withdrawn and afraid. He didn't know why he felt afraid. Deep down, he knew he should know his name. He just didn't want to leave the peaceful place. The safe place. Something waved in front of his face. It was another face. A distant voice tried to talk to him but he didn't want to listen. He just wanted to close his eyes again.

**Hotch**

Hotch read through the three files in front of him, his jaw clenched his anger. He looked looked down at the files and felt a heavy guilt inside of him. He remembered the unsub's mother very clearly. He remembered the case very clearly, he never thought that her children would have turned into monsters. Ross Griffin, Eric Griffin and Arthur Griffin. The three names that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Their mother had been brutally beaten and then shot to death, they had arrived an hour later to find her body and her three young boys hiding in the closet. They caught the killer a few days later. Hotch closed the case file he was currently reading and placed it on a nearby table. He rubbed his eyes for a moment before looking up to the bed.

His chest tightened for a moment as he saw Reid's brown eyes staring in front of him. Hotch pressed the call button for a nurse before making his way to Reid's side.

"Reid, it's Hotch. Can you hear me?" Hotch called as he stood in front of Reid

Reid's eyes stared ahead, a lost and frightened look in his eyes. A small, petite nurse walked into the room and over to Reid's bedside. She checked the monitors before turning her attention to the bed.

"Spencer, my name is Kara. You are at the hospital. Can you respond to me? Can you blink?" the nurse urged.

Hotch felt a pang of disappointment as he watched Reid's eyes close again.

"This is going to be normal for the next few days," the nurse smiled before making her way to leave the room. "Thank you calling for a nurse, please do it again when he wakes up again."

Hotch nodded numbly before returning to his seat. He ran a hand through his hair to try and calm himself.

"Reid, I don't if you can here me right now but I need to say this to you. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, I promised you when you came to the BAU that you would have a team and a family to support you. We just didn't get to you fast enough. I hope one day you can forgive me. I hope that you remember the team when you wake up. We are not ready to lose you, we never will be. You need to fight and be strong," Hotch said quietly. "You have saved a lot of people being on this team, you need to wake up so you can save so many more.

**Emily**

Emily stared at Arthur Griffin with disgust, she struggled to keep the emotional side of herself from taking over. A very strong part of her wanted to walk into the room and show him the true meaning of pain. She couldn't though. Personal justice wouldn't help Morgan or Reid. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath in. The calming breath help push the anger down, she kept some though, she was not going to show this man anything. In that interrogation room, her heart was as solid as stone.

Walking into the room, he immediately noticed her. There was a small bandage on his head from where hitting the concrete floor, a black bruise blossomed across his cheek. She scraped the chair along the floor as she pulled it out, the loud screeching noise made Arthur wince in pain. The headache from his healing concussion he was experiencing was now double as painful. Emily had to suppress the smile that wanted to arrive on her lips.

"Arthur Alexander Griffin, my name is Emily Prentiss. Although by the research we found at the warehouse concerning the BAU team, you already knew my name," Emily spoke stoically.

Arthur remained silent.

"You have waived your right to have a lawyer present, I am also here to inform you that your brother, Eric Griffin, is deceased. I am here to discuss the kidnapping torture and attempted murder of Doctor Spencer Reid and Agent Derek Morgan."

"How is Agent Morgan? Dying, I hope," Arthur grinned before looking down at his handcuffs.

"He is alive and doing well," Emily responded. The grin disappeared from Arthur's face.

"Shame," Arthur sighed. "At least I can take joy in the fact that Agent Morgan will always be haunted by memories of what we did to Dr Reid."

"You admit to the charges being brought against you," Emily confirmed.

"Yes, I confess to all charges. I just regret not killing them both sooner."

"You are going away for a long time after what you did to them," Emily said as she looked into Arthur's eyes.

"I know but Dr Reid and Agent Morgan will be haunted for a lot longer," Arthur smirked.

**Please review**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Enjoy.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, they are wonderful and awesome. Just like all you lovely readers. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**A few days later**

Garcia placed another blanket over Reid, she just wanted to make sure that he was comfortable. It had been three days since Reid had first woken up, over the last three days it had happened seven more times but only for a few minutes. Reid never responded when he was awake, he just stared ahead of him. Garcia hated seeing Reid so vulnerable and hurt, the once statistic spouting genius now lost in his own mind. Lifting up her bag, she pulled out a selection of small colourful items and placed them around Reid's bed. She didn't know what was going on inside of Reid's mind but she knew that when he woke up, he needed to be surrounded by good things. Garcia was about to place the last ornament on the bedside table when a knock came at the door.

The door opened to reveal Kara, the nurse who had been looking after Reid since his arrival at the hospital. "Hello, Miss Garcia. You have a visitor."

Garcia looked confused for a moment before Kara stepped aside to reveal a hospital bed with another nurse pushing it. A bed with Morgan on it.

"Agent Morgan wanted to see Spencer, the doctor thinks it will be beneficial for both of them," Kara smiled before moving aside. A male nurse pushed Morgan's bed beside Reid's. The bed was the opposite way allowing Morgan to face Reid properly. "We'll leave you three alone."

Garcia thanked Kara as she left. She turned her attention to Morgan.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Garcia asked as put her hand over his hand.

"Better baby girl, I feel better now that I'm here," Morgan smiled gently, he turned his head and focused on Reid. The smile faded as he looked at Reid's still form. Morgan had to take a few deep breaths and looked away. His chest felt heavy with guilt.

"Morgan, it's not your fault," Garcia said as she stepped forward. "He just needs time to heal."

"It's just difficult," Morgan sighed. "This is the first time I've seen him since back at the warehouse. I just remember him screaming when Ross Griffin stabbed me and then seeing him being dragged away by one of them. He was crying and trying to call out. Seeing him now, it just makes me feel like I should have done more. I should have fought more to save him. The day we were taken, he was having a bad day and his knee was hurting him because he had fallen over. I was taking him home to make sure he had something to eat and calmed down. Garcia, he has never done anything wrong. Why did this happen to him?

"Morgan, we both know how cruel the world can be. We've seen the evil, we fight that evil everyday. The world isn't fair sometimes. What we have to remember is that world does have goodness inside of it. It has hope. Right now, we have to believe and hope that Reid will come back to us as best as he can. Reid is strong and he knows that we are here. He'll come back to his family."

"I hope he does," Morgan said. "Garcia, can I have a few minutes alone with Reid?"

Garcia looked briefly at Reid and then back to Morgan. "Of course, I'll be outside. Call when you are ready for me to come back inside."

Garcia kissed Morgan's forehead before leaving the room.

**Morgan**

Morgan stared at Reid for a few moments. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reaching out his uninjured hand and grabbed Reid's hand.

"Reid, it's Morgan. I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time, I'm so sorry you had to go through what they did to you," Morgan said as his eyes began to water. "The team found us though, they found us. Reid, you are my best friend and you are the brother that I never had. I need you to wake up, the entire team needs you to wake up. Spencer, please be okay."

Morgan laid on his hospital bed for a few minutes holding Reid's hand. Morgan began to move his hand away from Spencer's hand, he had only moved his hand a fraction when Reid's hand tightly grabbed it. He looked to Reid's face and saw Reid's eyes were open wide, they searched the room frantically. His breathing was fast and his eyes searched the room.

"Reid?!" Morgan gasped happily. "Garcia!"

The door opened moments later as Garcia rushed in the room. "Oh my god, he's awake."

"Blood on the walls," Reid whimpered as his eyes struggled to focus. "Not real. Shouldn't be real."

"Reid, it's okay. You are safe now," Morgan called. Reid's eyes quickly looked down to stare at Morgan.

"Where am I? Morgan? You can't be Morgan, he's dead. All the blood," Reid said fearfully as he began to struggle on the bed, not feeling the pain of his wrist. "Blood on the walls, blood on the floor."

"Reid, it's Garcia. You're safe, the team rescued you. There is no blood," Garcia said as she tried to step forward. Kara arrived and rushed over to the bed.

A horrible scream filled the room as Reid began to scream and shout. "He's coming out of the floor, he's gonna kill me! He has no face, no flesh, just dirt."

"Spencer, my name is Kara. You are in the hospital. I need for you to calm down. Agent Morgan is alive, he is right next to you. You are safe," Kara shouted as gently as she could. Reid looked to the side of the bed, his eyes settling on Morgan. They opened wide as they saw him.

**Reid**

Morgan was alive. Of course Morgan was alive, he was right in front of him. Why did he think Morgan was dead? He grabbed his head with one hand and clenched his eyes shut. He clenched his eyes shut as he tried to make sense of everything. He was in the hospital, hospitals were good. No, they were bad. They had padded walls. Padded wall? Why was he thinking about them?

Black, deep gaps. That is all that filled his mind. He couldn't understand why he was so afraid. Crimson, dark crimson. The gaps made no sense. There was blood, too much blood.

"Morgan," Reid whined as he opened his eyes. He gripped Morgan's hand tighter.

"I'm here, Reid," Morgan assure him.

"Morgan, don't let them put me in the bad room. Don't let them put me in the padded room," he whispered before his head hurt again. "Why did I say that? Morgan, what happened?"

"I won't let you out my sight," Morgan promised. "Just stay awake and stay calm. I'll explain everything as long as you stay awake."

Reid nodded his head gently and kept hold of Morgan's hand. He was afraid, he was scared but he didn't know why. He knew he had to keep Morgan close. Morgan would protect him.

_'Protect you from what?'_ his mind echoed.

**Please review**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy. I apologise for how short it is but I got home later than I thought I would, I humbly beg forgiveness. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, I'm so happy that you like that Reid is awake. You are all wonderful and amazing. Hugs to you all. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**An hour later**

Morgan refused to moved from Reid's room, he called on Garcia to help him stay. She convinced the nurses and doctors to allow Morgan to stay. Over the last hour, Reid had been subjected to an array of tests. Some frightened him while other's he was happy to do. The rest of the team had arrived at the news of Reid of being awake, Hotch had been the first one to arrive. Morgan continued to watch Reid being tested, he held Reid's hand the entire time due to the fact Reid refused to let go. The doctor finished the last of the tests, he scribbled his findings on the clipboard.

"Spencer, I'm going to talk to your friends. I'll be back soon," the doctor smiled gently before leaving the room. The team and Garcia had stayed outside while the doctor had conducted the tests. Morgan nodded his thanks to the doctor before turning his attention back to Reid.

"Reid, how are you feeling?" Morgan asked as he watched Reid look around the room.

"Jumbled, confused. I'm not sure which. Nothing makes sense," Reid rambled. "Wrist hurts."

"It's broken, you have to try and not move it. Reid, how much do you remember? Do you know why you are at the hospital?" Morgan questioned carefully. He wasn't going to push Reid into remembering anything. In his mind, the less Reid remembered, the better. Reid looked up and stared into Morgan's eyes.

"Were we going home?" Reid whispered. "Everything is mixed and dark. All I remember is blood. On the walls, on the floor. It was all over your stomach. Morgan, why was there so much blood? I don't remember. I know I should, it's just dark. Everything is dark before I woke up. Why was I asleep?"

"I'll answer all your questions later but I want you to relax for now. Do you still remember the team?"

Reid nodded. "Of course, I do. How could I ever forget them?"

Morgan could help but smile. "You have no idea how great it is to hear you say that."

"I'm sorry," Reid said suddenly. "I'm sorry for all the blood."

"Reid, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I don't know why I said sorry," Reid said in confusion. "Can't keep myself from saying what comes into my head."

"Reid, the most important thing for you to do is recover. The whole team is here to help you. We are going to help you get better."

"Who's going to help you get better?" Reid said as he looked at all of Morgan's injuries. "You're all bruised."

"As long as you are getting better, I'll get better," Morgan smiled.

**Hotch**

Hotch waited patiently for the doctor to come and speak with him and the rest of the team. He was just happy that Reid was awake. He would never forget Reid staring ahead, he would never forget the lost look in Reid's eyes. He wanted to talk with Reid but he wanted to know the full extent of Reid's condition. Reid's doctor stepped forward and faced the team.

"How is he?" Hotch asked.

"He's having some trouble at the moment remembering what happened to him. He doesn't know why he was at the hospital or what happened to him. His long term memory seems to be intact to a degree but he has some short term memory loss. He has some mild confusion and he is scared at the moment. I believe that his mind is still trying to deal with the trauma he went through. I'll be honest with you, I'm surprised that he is doing this well. I expected him to be much worse," the doctor explained.

"Why was he asleep for so long?" Garcia asked as she stepped forward.

"The mind is a fragile thing. You explained the details of his kidnapping to me. You told me that he was afraid of being admitted to a psychiatric unit," the doctor said. "He has suffered a very frightening and traumatic experience. His mind needed to time to heal and recover. It's not uncommon for people who have been through traumatic experiences to retreat from the world till they are ready to face it. I'm recommending that he stays in the hospital for further tests, it will also allow us to monitor his progress."

"How long do you want him to stay for?" Hotch asked.

"A few days to a week, it all depend on Spencer and his recovery. I've noticed that Spencer is better while Morgan is present. I'm recommending that they be moved to a joint room. One that allows enough room for them to recover properly."

"That would be best," Hotch agreed.

"I must warn you now that you shouldn't push for the memories of his attack to come back. They could return if Spencer wants them too but it will take time. For now, I must ask that you don't ask his about his kidnapping. The calmer he is, the better."

"We won't mention anything," Hotch promised. "We just want to help him."

"You can go and see him. Call a nurse if anything bad happens," the doctor said gently. The doctor left the team alone. Rossi, Emily, JJ and Garcia noticed how nervous Hotch was.

"Hotch, are you okay to go back in?" Emily said as she put her hand on his shoulder. Hotch looked to the hand and then to Emily.

"I'll be fine. Let's do this," Hotch smiled gently before walking towards Reid's room.

** Please review**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I'm sorry about it being so short but I had to work late tonight.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, they are wonderful and fantastic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch walked into the room, he smiled as he watched Reid talk to Morgan. Reid's voice was small and frightened but it was there. He walked forward, the team just behind him, and stood by Reid's bed. "How are you doing?"

"Confused, my head hurts. Won't stop pounding," Reid sighed before placing his hand on his head and rubbing it. "Why does my head hurt?"

Hotch exchanged a brief look with the rest of the team before looking back to Reid, he placed a hand on Reid's shoulder. Reid tensed at the touch but didn't shrug it away.

"Reid, do you trust me? Do you trust the team?" Hotch asked.

"I trust you," Reid said timidly.

"Reid, I want you to just focus on getting better. I know you have a lot of questions but I can't answer them right now. Not till you are ready. For now, keep the questions tucked away. You need to trust me on this. Just relax and get better," Hotch said gently. "The headaches will be around for a little while but they should go away soon."

"Deep down, I know something happened but I don't know what," Reid whispered. "I don't think I want to know. You wouldn't keep secrets from me if you didn't have a reason."

"Reid, everything is going to be okay," Hotch assured him.

"Do you promise?" Reid questioned as he looked up at Hotch. "I'll be honest, I'm scared right now. I don't know why though."

"You are safe. I know that you are scared right now but I promise you that you are safe now. You don't need to worry about anything but getting better. If you need anything, just asked the team. The doctor told us that he is going to move you and Morgan to a bigger room so you can stay together. Would that be okay?"

"I'd like that. I don't know why but I feel like Morgan can keep me safe. Morgan, can you keep me safe? I don't want to go to the padded room. Was I in a padded room? The padded room is bad. Don't make me go back in there," Reid panicked as his breathing picked up.

Hotch looked to Reid's uninjured hand and watched Reid's grip tighten to Morgan's hand.

"Reid, I'll keep you safe. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go. Don't think about the padded room, if it scares you, don't think about it. Reid, stay calm," Morgan coached. "Think about other things, do you think Garcia looks pretty today?"

Hotch let out a small smile, he knew that Morgan was trying to get Reid's mind away from the bad things, away from the horrors buried in Reid's mind. Reid looked over to Garcia and let out a big grin.

"She's always so colourful. Garcia is always pretty," Reid smiled before looking back to the bed. Garcia walked forward and wrapped her arms around Reid, she sat on the edge of the bed and hugged him gently.

"Thank you Reid," Garcia smiled happily. "I brought along some books. Do you want read them?"

"Yes please," Reid said gently.

Garcia smiled and grabbed her large bag from underneath the bed, she pulled out some books and placed them in front of Reid. "Take your pick."

Reid looked over the books, he nervously let go of Morgan's hand and gently picked a large book labeled greek mythology. He opened the book and began to read it. Every member of the team felt relief in their hearts as they watched Reid read each page at the incredible speed he always did.

"Thank you, Garcia," Reid thanked as he continued to read and turn each page.

"You're welcome, sweetie," Garcia said before kissing the top Reid's head. "Is there anything else you need?"

"Could I please have something to eat? I feel hungry," Reid asked. "You don't have get me anything if you don't want you. I don't want to cause trouble."

"I'll go and see the doctor about getting you something to eat," Emily said from the back on the group. "Do you want anything in particular?"

Reid shook his head and looked back down to his book.

"Reid, we'll be back to see you but we need to go back to the BAU right now," Hotch smiled gently. "Call us if you need anything."

"Okay," Reid said before he looked up. "Hotch, why is Morgan hurt?"

"I just had a little accident," Morgan said quickly. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"More secrets," Reid mumbled before returning to his book.

"We'll be back soon Reid," Hotch promised. "Take it easy."

**An hour later - Reid**

Reid kept his hands at his sides as the nurses moved Morgan into the bigger room they had been given. His stomach growled with hunger but he felt uncomfortable eating with the nurses in the room. He never used to be nervous about eating. He shook his head as he pushed more questions to the back on his mind. He was allowed to think about the questions that came into his head. He had to push them away. Hotch would be angry if he didn't keep the questions away.

He tensed as a small nurse came over and checked his IV, he clamped his mouth shut as she continued to check the monitors around him. She smiled at him before leaving his side.

Reid continued to stare at the small bowl of soup in front him.

"You can eat the soup, Reid," Morgan spoke from beside him. "It's okay."

Nervously, Reid picked up his spoon and scooped some of the soup onto the spoon, he lifted it to his mouth and felt the soup run down his throat. The soup was hot and it felt nice as it hit his stomach, he closed his eyes and savoured the taste. He opened his eyes and looked down at the soup, his eyes widened at what he saw. He dropped his spoon and pushed the bowl to the floor, his eyes widened in fright. He began to gag as he watched the bowl's content spill across the floor.

"Reid, what's wrong?" Morgan called.

"It's blood, I ate blood. Oh god! Blood on the floor. It wasn't soup, it was blood.!"

**Please review**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone, I apologise for how short this chapter is but I had to work late. I am free all weekend though so I promise longer chapters over this weekend. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are amazing readers and wonderful reviewers. I love all the reviews. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan watched as a nurse gave Reid a light sedative, it wasn't enough to do him any harm but it was enough to send Reid back to sleep. He struggled to keep himself calm as he watched the nurses make Reid comfortable. He watched as Reid's doctor came into the room and checked on him.

"Doctor, can I speak with you?" Morgan called to the doctor.

"Of course Agent Morgan, what can I do for you?"

"Is Reid going to be okay? He isn't acting like himself, he keeps seeing things that are not there and he keeps freaking out. He isn't the same Reid I used to know," Morgan said.

"Spencer's mind is trying to find some balance and it is struggling to do that right now," the doctor began to explain. "I've been briefed about what happened to him, I know what happened to both of you. I'm very sorry that you went through that. Spencer has gone through a traumatic experience, it is going to take time for him to get back normal. His mind is protecting him the best that it can. He may be withdrawn and afraid for the next few weeks, he may do actions that he normally wouldn't do."

"What do you mean?" Morgan questioned.

"Has he done anything but didn't know why he did it? One of the nurses noticed it earlier. Has he done anything like that with you?"

"Yeah, he did. He said sorry to me but he didn't know why he was saying sorry. He just has a lost look in his eyes all the time," Morgan said gently.

"Agent Morgan, he just needs time and help. He'll need support but I assure you that he will get better."

"Thank you, doctor," Morgan smiled sadly as he laid back against his pillow.

"Get some rest, Agent Morgan. Rest will help you recover better," the doctor advised before walking away from the bed. Morgan waited until he was left alone before looking over to Reid's sleeping form. He didn't like seeing Reid sleep, not after hearing he had been asleep for the last few days. He wanted Reid to get back to his usual self but he knew it wasn't going to happen straight away. He felt his body crave sleep, he took once last look at Reid before relaxing into his pillow and letting the swift embrace of sleep take him.

**A few hours later**

**Reid**

_He was alone, he didn't like being alone. His heart constricted as looked around the room, fear blazing in his eyes. The padded room was his prison, it scared him. There was no way to escape. There wasn't even a door. Reid slowly crawled into one of the corners of the room and brought his knees to the chest. He closed his eyes and buried his head into his chest, his forehead resting on his knees._

_"You a devil boy!" a voice screamed. Reid looked up suddenly and began to cry as he looked at walls and the ground. The walls were bloody and wet, blood continued to run down them. The floor was no longer padded, it was now full of soil._

_"Noooo..." Reid moaned as his tears began to fall to the floor. "This isn't real."_

_Reid screamed as a hand burst out of the soil and grabbed his ankle, it began to pull him away from the corner. The hand was decayed and pale._

_"Let me go!" Reid screamed as he pulled away from the hand. He reached for the wall but his hand slipped and became coated with blood. He screamed again as another arm burst out from the soil and wrapped around his waist. He struggled as the hands began to pull him into the ground._

_"It's okay," a voice whispered from behind him. He whipped his head around to see the dead, decaying face of Tobias Hankel. "Spencer, death is better. It's peaceful. You can join me."_

_"Let me go!" Reid shouted again, his hand gripped the soil fruitlessly. His hands began to slide through the soil as his body was pulled into the ground. He was pulled until the soil was up to his neck. He looked up to see Morgan looking down at him, his hand reaching out to help Reid. Reid tried to grab for the hand but couldn't reach it. Morgan turned around and grunted in pain, he turned_ back_ around with blood pouring from his stomach._

_"MORGAN!" Reid screamed as his friend fell to the ground. He looked to the spot where Morgan had been standing to see a man in a white coat, a knife coated in Morgan's blood in his hands._

_"Goodbye Dr Reid," the man smiled._

_With one last yank, Reid was pulled into the soil. Darkness took over his body._

Reid's body shot up from the bed, his eyes open and frightened. He ignored the sluggish feeling over his body. He ripped away the blankets. Everything felt suffocating to him, he couldn't breath. He needed air. He needed to be out of the room. He couldn't let Tobias get him again

**Thirty minutes later**

Morgan was awoken by loud voices, he opened his eyes to see Hotch and Garcia arguing with one of the nurses.

"How the hell did you lose him? He is in no condition to be on his own," Hotch said angrily to the nurse.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked. He looked to Reid's bed and panicked when he didn't see Reid sleeping. "Where is Reid?"

"We don't know, he's gone missing," Garcia explained.

**Please review**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Just to clarify. Ross Griffin was shot in the shoulder and is in custody. He isn't returning.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, they are great and wonderful. Thank you! **

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch felt anger and frustration, it wasn't at Reid though. It was the hospital. How could lose him? How could they not notice him walk out of his room? He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He couldn't wait for the any of the others to come and help him. Marching down the halls, he began to quickly search through for Reid. It had been fifteen minutes since he had walked into Reid and Morgan's room and discovered Reid missing. He didn't know how long Reid had been missing before he had arrived. He searched and asked members of staff if they had seen him but no-one remembered seeing a scared, brown haired man. Hotch stopped in the middle of the corridor and focused his mind. He had to be calm, he needed to think everything through.

Reid was scared and frightened. Morgan had explained to him the incident with Reid eating his soup. Hotch calmed himself and tried to imagine where Reid would have gone. Within seconds he knew where Reid had gone. He raced towards the stairs and sprinted up them till he reached the roof. He opened the door, he placed a brick in front of it to keep it open. He walked out onto the roof and immediately spotted Reid. He jogged over Reid to see him staring up at the dark sky. Carefully, Hotch kneeled down next to Reid and sighed when he saw Reid's condition.

Reid's skin was pale and covered in goosebumps, his lips almost taking a blue colour to them. He was shaking violently and his teeth were chattering. Taking off his jacket, Hotch placed it over Reid.

"No!" Reid screamed as the jacket was placed over him. He pushed away Hotch and tried to get away, he tried to climb onto the ledge of the roof but Hotch grabbed Reid around his waste and pull him away from the ledge. "Let me go! Please don't take me!"

Hotch pulled Reid away from the ledge and wrapped his arms around him to keep Reid from hurting himself, he felt the ice cold touch of Reid's skin and knew that needed to get him somewhere warm soon. "Reid! It's Hotch. Calm down, it okay. No-one is trying to take you."

"No! No! Tobias is going to drag into the ground. Death is better, he wants me to join him," Reid cried as he tried to get away. "There's blood on the walls, it's all over my hands. It's all over Morgan, there's so much blood. Why is Morgan bleeding?!"

"Reid, there is no blood. Tobias is dead and Morgan is safe and recovering downstairs. You are on the roof, I know that you are scared and afraid right now but I need you to concentrate on my voice. You are safe," Hotch began to say in a calm but steady voice. "Reid, it's okay."

Hotch rocked Reid gently for a few minutes as he felt Reid begin to calm down. It felt strange as he helped Reid calm down, he would do this with his son after he had had a nightmare. He felt Reid's body relax but he could still feel it shaking violently.

"W-Where a-am I?" Reid whispered through his chattering teeth.

"You don't remember coming up here," Hotch asked, concern weaved into his voice. Reid shook his head gently leaning into Hotch's chest. "You are on the roof, I figured you would be here. We need to get you off the roof and back into your bed. It's too cold here, your skin is ice cold."

"I don't want to go back inside, I don't like the walls. Too small," Reid said in a small quiet voice. "Where's Morgan?"

"He's downstairs and he is worried about you. Do you want to go and see Morgan? Garcia is there too, she has been looking everywhere for you," Hotch said. "Let's go downstairs and meet them."

"Okay, I don't want them to worry," Reid nodded. Hotch helped Reid get to his feet, he grabbed his jacket and made Reid put it on. He frowned at how big the jacket was on Reid's skinny frame. Reid looked up and stared at sky, he let out a smile.

"Come on Reid, let's go downstairs," Hotch said as he began to guide Reid towards the door.

"I like the stars, they never go away. They are always there," Reid smiled before he looked to Hotch.

"I like them too," Hotch nodded before he put his arm around Reid and made his way to the door. "Let's get you back to bed. Reid, why did you come you come to the roof?"

"Room was too small, I needed to breathe. Can't be pulled into the ground if I'm high up."

Garcia

"Where is he?" Morgan said angrily.

"Morgan, calm down. Hotch and the hospital staff with find him. He can't have gone far," Garcia said as she tried to calm Morgan down. She didn't believe her own words in way, she had no idea of knowing where Reid was or how far he could have gone. She just hoped that he was safe and found soon.

"I should be doing something to find him, I hate laying here and not being able to help find him," Morgan sighed in frustration.

"I know you feel angry sweetheart but you are hurt as well. Reid is fragile at the moment, you both are. We need to make sure that both of you get better. You went through a traumatic experience as well. Morgan, I've seen the footage of Reid when he was in the padded room. I felt sick watching it, I'm sorry that you had to watch Reid go through that. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a horrible ordeal."

"I can handle it, Garcia. I can handle it as long as Reid gets better. If he doesn't, I'm going to have trouble."

"I'm here for you whenever you need me," Garcia smiled.

"I know, babygirl, you are always there for me. I love you for always being at my side," Morgan smiled back.

Garcia was about to reply when the door opened, she turned around and felt relief flood through her as she saw Hotch with his arm around Reid. "Thank god," she sighed before she moved off Morgan bed and over to Reid. She helped Hotch get Reid back into the bed, she was shocked at how cold Reid was.

"Where did you find him?" Morgan asked.

"He was on the roof, he was just say there in his hospital shirt and trousers. It's freezing up there. He freaked out when I tried to put my coat on him, he even tried to climb up on the ledge. I pulled him away and managed to calm him down. He can't be left alone from now on, we can't have him wandering off again," Hotch explained as he grabbed a few more blankets and wrapped them around Reid. Garcia brushed Reid's hair out his face, she wanted to cry as she saw the frightened look in his eyes.

"How the hell did he get past everyone?" Morgan said.

"I don't know but I'm going to have word with the nursing staff. I don't want to think about what he could have done. He could have jumped off the roof!" Hotch said angrily.

Garcia jumped as Reid reached out and wrapped his arms around Garcia, he held onto her tightly. She sat on the edge of the bed and put her arms around him. "It's okay, Reid. I'm here."

"Don't go Garcia, stay here. Please," Reid pleaded gently.

"I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay as long as you want me to."

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	16. Chapter 16

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. Here is the next chapter for you all.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, they are wonderful and I am so lucky to have you all as readers. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid felt safe as Garcia held him, he began to feel calm as he leaned against her chest and listened to the soft beating of her heart. Deep down he knew that he was being childish but in the front of his mind he couldn't help it. Fear was controlling him, it had him on a tight leash and was dragging him away from being able to be brave. It was dragging him away from being the missing memories. Garcia stroked her hand through Reid's hair. Reid knew she would be a good mother, she was always so motherly. He wanted to keep her close. He could faintly hear Hotch outside shouting. Reid hoped that Hotch wasn't angry with him.

"Sweetheart, why did you go to the roof?" Garcia asked quietly.

"Bad dream. It was horrible," Reid shivered in fear. He watched Garcia pull another blanket up and wrap it around him, her arms returned to holding him. "Tobias was dragging me into the ground, I couldn't breathe. Morgan tried to help me but the man stabbed him, the man in the white coat. He knew my name."

He felt Garcia tighten her hold on him. Did Garcia know something? He didn't like it when Garcia kept secrets, he could always trust Garcia. He hoped he could trust her now, he needed her more than over.

"Don't think about the man in the white coat. Don't think about anything that will scare you," Garcia said to him, her voice calm and comforting. "Do you want something to eat?"

"No!" Reid said urgently. "I can't eat, I don't want to eat blood again. Don't make me eat blood again!"

"Reid, calm down. You didn't eat blood, it was just soup earlier. I have cookies with me. I made them myself, all they have in them is chocolate chips and wonderful sugary goodness. Do you want some?"

"You promise that you made them. No-one else has touched them?" Reid questioned, he wanted to make sure it was completely safe.

"I promise. Only my magical hands have touched them. No-one else can make cookies like I can," Garcia smiled. "Do you want some?"

"Yes please," Reid said politely. Garcia kept one arm around him as she leaned down and picked up a large bag, she placed it on the bed and rummaged through it, she pulled out a pink tin and opened it to reveal chocolate chip cookies.

"Go ahead, take as many as you want," Garcia said.

Reid reached forward and took a large chocolate cookie, he placed it to his mouth and took a bite. He smiled immediately as he took another bite and chewed happily.

Garcia smiled as she watched Reid eat the whole cookie, he took another cookie and began to eat it. She looked over to Morgan and saw that he was smiling at them.

"Thank you," Morgan mouthed over to her. Garcia gave Morgan a small wink before turning her attention back to Reid.

"You make the best cookies," Reid mumbled as he chewed.

"Thank you," Garcia laughed gently. "You have as many as you want."

**Later that night**

Morgan watched as Reid slept peacefully, every few minutes he would look over to Reid and check that he was still in bed. He smiled at the fact that Garcia was sleeping, her body in a chair and her head sleeping on the edge of Reid's bed. Reid and Garcia had both fallen asleep holding each other's hands. He looked up at the ceiling as he struggled to sleep. There were too many things going through his mind to sleep. Questions that still had no foreseeable answer.

Was Reid going to be okay? Was he going to return to work? Would Reid ever be the same again?

There so many more questions. He just wanted an answer to them.

The door opened, he tensed for a moment before relaxing as he realised who was coming into the room. He would recognise her black hair anywhere.

"Hey Emily," Morgan said quietly. Emily smiled gently as she walked into the room and over to Morgan's bed. "Emily, what are you doing here so late?"

"I couldn't sleep and I heard about what happened earlier. I wanted to come by and just check on you two," she explained. "What are you doing up so late? You should be sleeping."

"I can't. I'm just worried about Reid, he is having trouble with his memories. He had a nightmare that Tobias was dragging him down into the earth and that a man in white stabbed me while trying to pull him out."

"Man in white, you don't think he means Ross Griffin," Emily said as she looked over to Reid's bed.

"I don't think he remembers everything, I think that he is dreaming and memories of what happened are seeping into them. If that is happening, it's dangerous. Look what happened earlier, he left his bed and went to the roof. He was freezing and he tried to climb the ledge when Hotch touched him. Emily, what are we going to do if he doesn't get back to normal?" Morgan sighed.

"We do what we always go, we support each other and we take care of each other. Reid is part of our family, we'll look after him and help him get better. He is strong, he will get through this. I see Garcia is already at work," Emily assured Morgan before nodding to Garcia.

"Thank god she is here, she got Reid to eat some cookies earlier, she is the only one who can get him to eat anything. He won't let go of her."

"Garcia is a pure force of good, she keeps us all together," Emily smiled. "I always look to her when I need to smile."

"Me too, I don't how I would do this job without her in this team," Morgan said.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I'm really sorry about not updating last night but I wasn't feeling very well. Energy was just drained out of me. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are amazing and wonderful. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**One week later**

"You do all understand the conditions of Spencer's release, he needs to be supervised, needs to take his medication and needs to be kept calm. If he experiences an episode of distress, you have to calm him down," Reid's doctor ordered as he signed the discharge forms. "I would also suggest that you keep Miss Garcia close to Spencer, he seems at his calmest when she is around."

Hotch was standing at the nurse's desk speaking with the doctor as they discussed Spencer being released. The last week had been strange and difficult. Reid had been experiencing moments of unresponsiveness that had scared the team, he would come back to reality after a few minutes and continue as normal. Reid was suffering and it was killing the entire team seeing him so vulnerable.

"We understand and I promise that he will be supervised. We will also bring him in for his sessions every week. We just want to see him get better and deal with what happened to him," Hotch said, he looked into Reid's room through the open door. Reid was in a wheelchair, it was hospital policy that he left it one. Garcia was in the room talking with Reid who was smiling. For a moment, as Hotch watch Reid smiled, he could pretend that Reid wasn't hurt or injured, he could pretend that Reid was leaving the hospital the same man that he had always been.

Hotch knew that wasn't the case though. Reid's mind was at war with itself and the team had to help him make sense of the horrors and nightmares that plagued his mind.

"Bring him back to the hospital if his condition gets worse. I know you don't want to consider it an option but he may require a stay in our psychiactric ward if his condition does not improve."

Hotch shook his head fiercly. "That isn't an option, not after what he has been through. Placing him in that ward would not help him, in fact, I think it would trigger memories of his kidnapping. He will remember if and when he wants to. You told us not to force his mind to remember anything."

"It would only be as a last resort," the doctor explained to Hotch. "Take care of him Agent Hotchner, he is very fragile right now."

"We will," Hotch assured her. "Do you know when Derek Morgan will be released?"

The doctor quickly picked a chart from a stack of folders and opened it, her eyes scanned the page for a moment. "He will have to stay for a few more days due to an infection. We will assess him again in a few days and see if he can be discharged then. The infection isn't too serious but it's safer for him to be in the hospital especially with injuries."

"Thank you," Hotch smiled gently.

**Morgan**

"I can't believe I have to stay," Morgan huffed as he watched Reid play with a rubix cube. Both Morgan and Garcia smiled as they watched him solve him quickly.

"Sorry, my chocolate Adonis, but you have to stay for a few more days. I want you all better," Garcia said before walking over to Morgan and kissing him on the cheek. "I'll take care of Reid, don't worry."

"All I am going to do is worry, babygirl," Morgan said in a low voice. "Just keep him calm and coach him through the nightmares. It will take him a few minutes to realise what is going on and that he really is awake."

"Morgan, he'll be safe with me. The team is going to take it in turns supervising him, Strauss has agree to try and limit the amount of cases we have to travel to and the other team will help."

"Garcia," Reid's voice called. Garcia whipped around and went over to Reid's side.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"Garcia, is Morgan angry with me?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"No, sweetie. Why would you think that?"

"I thought that was why were leaving. Morgan isn't coming with us, he doesn't want me around anymore."

"No, Morgan is still recovering from his accident and he can't leave the hospital for a few more days. He isn't angry with you. He wishes he was coming with us as a matter of fact. We are leaving to take you home, well, to my apartment anyway. You are going to stay with me for a few days," Garcia explained.

Reid nodded and looked to Morgan. Hotch walked into the room and picked up Reid's bag.

"He's all set to leave. You ready?" Hotch asked.

"Yes, we are ready," Garcia said before walking behind the wheelchair and beginning to push it. Reid quickly got out of the chair and went over to Morgan's bed, he leaned down and gave Morgan a small hug. Morgan used his good arm and hugged Reid back as best as he could. Reid stepped back and out of the hug, he placed the rubix cube in Morgan's hand.

"Bye Morgan," Reid whispered before walking back over to the wheelchair and sitting down in it.

"I'll see you soon, Reid. Take care of Garcia," Morgan smiled gently as he twirled the rubix cube in his hand. Reid simply nodded and looked at his hands in silence.

"Bye Morgan, we'll be back soon," Garcia nodded sadly before pushing the wheelchair out of the room.

**An hour later**

Reid sat on Garcia's sofa staring around the apartment, he felt calmed by bright colours around him. There wasn't a white wall in sight. Anything pure white caused him to remember the padded room. Sometimes the walls were bloody when he remembered them but sometimes they were just plain white. He hugged his knees to his chest as he struggled to keep himself calm. Deep down he knew this wasn't how he wanted to act. He wanted to be how he used to be but his mind wouldn't let him. Placing his head on his knees, he let the tears fall.

"Stop being scared. Why am I scared?" Reid began cry and repeat over and over. He tensed as an arm came around him and hugged him close. He recognised it as Garcia but didn't stop hugging his knees close to him, he didn't even look up.

"Reid, talk to me. Don't cry, talk to me. Let me help you," Garcia quietly said. Reid looked up, his eyes red and his cheeks with tears rolling down them.

"Garcia, what's wrong with me? I feel so messed up and nothing makes sense," Reid cried. "I always feel scared and I can't- I don't feel like myself. I can't remember what happened. It's all bloody and dark and Tobias pulling me to my death. He's dead so how could he have hurt me! Garcia, please help me."

Reid unfurled and wrapped his arms around Garcia, he sobbed into her shoulder as she hugged him tightly and rubbed his back. "Shhh...baby boy. It's okay. I know that your are scared right now and nothing makes sense but I promise it will soon."

"Why am I crying? I'm such a baby," Reid continued to cry. Garcia leaned away from the hug and cradled Reid's tear stained face in her hands.

"Reid, don't you ever think that. If you want to cry, you cry. Don't keep it bottled up. It's not healthy to keep it all inside."

"My head hurts, it always hurts," Reid said quietly. "Garcia, what happened to me? Nobody will tell me."

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry. Reid, do you trust me?" Garcia asked.

"I do, I always trust you. You keep the bad things away," Reid replied, his voice shaking.

"This is one of bad things that needs to be kept away. Reid, I know you want to remember, to know, what happened to you but this is something you don't want to remember."

"Garcia, thank you for looking after me," Reid thanked before leaning on Garcia's shoulder. Garcia brought her hand up and stroked her hand through his hair softly.

"Your welcome, I will always look after you. You're my junior g-man."

** Please review**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. I went into a semi coma after falling asleep, I was just exhausted. I'm really sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, they are brilliant and wonderful. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**Two days later**

Garcia made her way over to the door, she looked through the peep hole and smiled gently when she saw JJ and Henry on the other side of the door. She opened the door and picked up Henry as he ran up to her. "Hi, Aunty Pen."

Garcia kissed Henry's nose. "Hello Henry, have you been good a good boy?"

"Yes, Aunty Pen," Henry smiled. Garcia placed him on the ground. "I have some cookies in the kitchen, you can have one in a minute. Henry, Uncle Spencer is staying with me for a few while and he is a little jumpy right now. You have to be really nice to him and not scare him."

Henry nodded and looked up to JJ. "Can I go see Uncle Spence?"

"Of course you can, where is he?" JJ said to Garcia.

"He's in the living room, he is sat in the corner reading some books. He has been jumpy over the last two days and he had a nightmare last night," Garcia explained as she led them to the living room. She looked to the far corner and saw Reid reading at his usual speed. He was wearing his glasses and had a blanket wrapped around him. She had wrapped it around him after she found him shivering slightly. Garcia knelt down to face Henry. "Henry, do you remember what I told you. You have to be very gentle with Uncle Spencer and keep him calm. You have to come get mummy or me if he starts getting scared."

"Okay, Aunty Pen," Henry nodded, he tugged on his mother's jacket. "Mummy, can I have the card?"

JJ quickly went into her back and pulled out a colourful card, she handed to Henry and watched as Henry made his way over to Reid. She kept watch as Henry stopped in front of Reid.

**Reid**

Reid looked up when he noticed a small shadow come across the book he was reading, he looked up and was surprised to see Henry standing in front of him. He took a few deep breaths to calm him and looked over Henry's shoulder to see Garcia. She gave him a small nod.

"Hello Henry," Reid greeted as he closed the book and placed it by his side. He kept his glasses on, his head felt a little better when he used his glasses, his eyes didn't ache. Henry leaned down and quickly wrapped his small arms around Reid's neck, Reid tensed for a moment before hugging Henry back. Henry came away from the hug and held the small card in front of him. Reid smiled as he looked down at the card, it was covered in crayon drawings and glitter. A small message reading 'Get well soon'.

"Mummy said you had an oopsie. Has your oopsie gone away Uncle Spence?"

"No, not yet but I'm getting better. Aunty Pen is helping me get better. Why are you here Henry?" Reid asked, he pulled the blanket closer around himself. He was still on edge from the nightmare he had last night. He couldn't fully remember it but the fear was still in his heart. He wasn't sure it was best for Henry to be around him. He couldn't control his mood swings or full control his mind. He kept blurting out random things. The worst thing of all was the fact he kept crying randomly, he would hide when he was crying. He still couldn't understand why he cried. Part of him deep down knew the answer but he couldn't get to the part. His mind refused to let him access the dark spots in his mind.

"Unca Spence, mummy said you were sad. Do you want to play? I am happy when I play," Henry smiled before sitting in front of Reid on the floor, he stared up at Reid with a child like sense of curiosity.

"I'm sorry but I'm not feeling well enough to play right now. Henry, can you go and get Aunty pen?" Reid asked. Henry nodded and quickly ran to the corridor. Reid could see that he had upset Henry slightly. He didn't mean to. He didn't know what could trigger his memories, he was afraid as it was. He didn't want to freak out in front of Henry. That was bad and he couldn't be bad. Garcia wouldn't like him if he was bad.

Garcia came over to Reid and kneeled in front of him. "Reid, are you okay?"

"Why is Henry here?" Reid asked timidly, he curled further into himself.

"JJ thought you could do with some cheering up. Henry just wants to spend some time with you," Garcia smiled. JJ had moved Henry into the kitchen and away from Reid's view.

"He shouldn't be around me. Not when I'm like this. I feel scared right now and I still don't know why. I don't know when my memories could come back. None of you will tell me what happened. You keep secrets and hiding secrets is bad. Emily had a secret and that was bad. Secrets, secrets, secrets," Reid rambled before clenching his hand into a fist and hitting the side of his head. Garcia grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"Stop it," Garcia snapped. Reid looked at her with anger in his eyes.

"Why?!" he growled angrily. "You keep me locked up in this apartment because your scared I'll do something stupid, I'm just a burden. A problem that no-one will solve. I hate being this way. Blood where memories should be and fright always inside of me. Deep down, I know that you are all lying to me. Morgan must have gotten hurt because of me. Lies, all I ever hear are lies."

"Reid-" Garcia tried to say.

"NO!" Reid yelled. "I'm broken. Broken like a mirror. You find some parts but not all of them. I remember going to the roof, I remember Hotch pulling me from the ledge. Every was fuzzy back then but it's better now. He should have let me climb that edge, should have let me fall. I hate being like this."

Reid jumped and felt a sharp sting come across his face, it took him a moment to realise that Garcia had just slapped him. He brought his hand up to hold his cheek.

"Don't you ever say that again!" Garcia said, her voice upset. "You have no idea how close we came to losing you both. We love you and you are not broken. Don't ever say anything like that again."

She moved forward to touch the cheek but Reid leaned away.

"Reid, I'm sorry I slapped you. You just upset me. Things haven't been easy," Garcia apologised before she got to her feet, tears running down her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Garcia walked away quickly and into her bathroom. Reid called after her.

"Garcia, I didn't mean to upset you," he moaned before settling back into his corner. He curled into himself again and sobbed gently.

A few minutes later, he heard small footsteps come near him. He looked up briefly to see Henry looking at him. Henry squeezed next to Reid as he sat on the floor, he wrapped his arms as far as he could around Reid and leaned into him.

"Don't cry, Uncle Spence," Henry smiled gently. "It's okay."

Reid ignored his brain and wrapped his arms around Henry, he cried gently but felt better with Henry there. They both sat in the corner. Godson comforting godfather.

**All mistakes are my own**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sorry for late update but was watching the new promo for criminal minds episode next week and the sneak peek. It looks awesome!**

**Thank you for the reviews, they are brilliant and wonderful. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**A few hours later**

Reid sat on the sofa, he felt numb and lonely. JJ had left with Henry over an hour ago and Garcia was trying to give him space. He didn't need space, he needed answers. Throughout his entire life, he had always had the answers. All he had now was questions rattling around his mind. He couldn't push them to the back of his mind, they kept hitting at the boundaries. Why would no tell him what had happened? Had he done something wrong? He grabbed his head and felt anger inside of him. He wanted to know. He was sick of the lies. He looked around and carefully got up from the sofa. He walked to Garcia's room as quietly as he could, he relaxed when he saw Garcia asleep on the sofa. He ran to the door and picked up his shoes, he slipped them on and grabbed his jacket from the hook. He hated being cold, he wanted to be warm. Opening the door, he slipped out of the apartment and closed the door as quietly as he could.

He didn't waste any time, he ran down the stair's of Garcia's apartment. He needed to think, he needed the haze to lift from his mind. The team was going to give him answers, he wasn't going to give them a choice.

**Hotch - An hour later**

"Garcia, I'm almost at the apartment. Garcia, we will find him. You need to calm down," Hotch said through the handsfree as drove towards Garcia's apartment. She had called him twenty minutes ago, her voice frantic. She had called Emily and Rossi and asked them for help. Reid was missing from the apartment, his shoes and jacket were missing too. Hotch was just crossing the bridge when he saw Emily'car by the side of the road. He pulled over and watched as she jumped out of the veichle. He jumped out his car and met her as she ran to the railing of the bridge.

"Emily, are you okay?" Hotch asked as he noticed her panicked expression.

"Hotch! Look!" Emily said urgently before she pointed to the far end of the bridge. Hotch gasped as his eyes found a shivering and scared Reid on the other side of the rail. One wrong movement and Reid would fall. Hotch ran till he was closer to Reid. Reid was slightly startled when he saw Hotch on the other side of the railing.

"Reid, we are coming to get you. Don't move," Hotch ordered gently. Hotch began to climb over the rail when Reid screamed at him.

"DON'T! Don't come near me, Hotch!" Reid screamed before gripping onto the small railing and standing from his sitting position on the small edge, he was shaking violently. The small edge he was standing on was not stable, it was old. Hotch stepped over the rail and held onto the rail with one hand while holding his hand out to Reid. Hotch glanced briefly to concrete below.

"Reid, just take my hand. Everything is going to be okay," Hotch urged as he held out his hand.

"No! T-tell me what happened?! Tell me or I let go and hit the ground," Reid threatened through chattering teeth. "I'm sick of always being afraid, you all lie to me. Did I do anything wrong? You would tell me if I hadn't done anything wrong. Morgan must have gotten hurt because of me!"

"Reid, no! You didn't hurt Morgan, it wasn't your fault. Reid, you are not safe here. We are just trying to protect you," Hotch said, a chill running over his skin as the wind whipped around the bridge.

"My head hurts," Reid moaned gently. "It always hurt. I want to remember but I can't. Lies, lies, lies, all I ever get from you is lies. I upset Garcia and she hates me now. I can't think straight and nothing makes sense. I'm not me any more, I'm nobody."

Reid's grip loosened slightly on the rail as he began to cry, tears coming down his cheek. "I can't take seeing the blood any more."

Emily leaned over the edge above Reid. "Reid, you need to come back over the rail. We can help you. I know things are frightening right now but I promise they will get better. We just want to protect you. If you come back over the rail, we will tell you what happened. Keeping you from the truth isn't helping you, we understand that now. Take Hotch's hand and come back over the rail. Everthing will be okay."

Reid looked at Emily for a moment, her eyes were full of fear and worry.

"How do I know your not just lying to me? Everyone lies to me. They don't want to help fix the broken things. I'm a broken thing," Reid said, his voice quiet and almost child-like.

"Reid, I'm not lying to you. Just come back over the rail and we will tell you everything you want to know," Hotch nodded as took a step closer to Reid.

Reid pondered for a moment before he released one of his hands from the rail, he reached out and took Hotch's hand. Hotch was shocked at how cold Reid's hand was, it was like ice. Hotch held onto Reid tightly as Reid shuffled closer to him. Hotch wrapped his arm around Reid and, with Emily's help, hoisted him up and over the rail. Emily grabbed once he was over the rail. Hotch quickly jumped over the rail, he could help the anger inside of him burst open.

Hotch grabbed Reid by his arms and shook him. "What the hell were you trying to do?! You could have been killed. How could you have been so stupid?"

Reid flinched away from Hotch and tried to struggled out of Hotch's grasp, his breathing started to get quicker and quicker as Hotch refused to let him go. Hotch was hurting him.

"Let me go!" Reid cried. "I'm sorry."

"Why would you do that to us after we almost lost you?!"

"Hotch, stop it," Emily said as she put her hand on Hotch's arm. "You are are scaring him, he's hyperventilating."

Hotch loosened his grip and pulled Reid into the a hug. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Calm down. I'm sorry. Reid, you can't ever do that again. You could have been killed. Why would you do that? Why would you threaten suicide?"

"I'm scared and I can't take it any more. I can't sleep because of the nightmares and I can't remember anything. I upset Garcia and made her feel sad. Hotch, who did this to me? Please...just tell me," Reid sobbed before collapsing to his knees, Hotch collapsed with him.

"I'll tell you," Hotch said gently. "It's okay, you don't have to be scared. Lying to you is hurting you, we don't want to hurt you. I'll tell you what happened but Morgan should be us."

**Please review**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I won't be updating my other fanfic ' Together' till later on today as I am still not feeling too good and want to try and sleep it off. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, I was nervous about the last chapter. Your reviews are wonderful and superb. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid kept his head down low as they walked through the hospital corridors, he couldn't look any of the team around him in the eye. Hotch was walking by his side and Garcia had her arm around him, she was guiding him. He was surprised that she had not shouted at him when they had returned the apartment. She had just hugged him and checked to make sure he was wasn't hurt. She had not raised her voice once. He was happy in one way but he didn't understand why she had not been angrier with him. He had done something stupid. Something he would have never done before. He wanted answers but why had he gone to the bridge? He barely remembered how he had gotten to the bridge. He looked as they walked into Morgan's room. Reid felt shame run through him as he watched Morgan smile at their arrival. Emily,JJ and Rossi stood to at Reid's side with sad looks in their eyes.

He was going to be so angry when he found out.

"Hey guys, I didn't know you were coming down," Morgan smiled, he raised himself up with the bed control. "Hey Reid, how are you doing?"

Reid remained silent, he tried to hide Hotch but Garcia held him firmly in his place.

"Morgan, we need to tell Reid what happened to him," Hotch said gently. "It's dangerous to keep him in the dark."

"Hotch, what are you talking about? What happened?" Morgan asked.

"Reid, are you going to tell him or am I going to?" Hotch said. Reid shook his head and refused to look up and meet his eyes.

"There was an incident," Hotch began to explain. "Reid left Garcia's apartment, we searched for him and found him on the bridge, he was sitting over the rail on the edge of the bridge. One wrong move and he could have slipped from the side and fallen to his death. He threatened to jump off the bridge if we didn't tell him what had happened to him."

"He did what!" a voice spoke from behind the team. They whipped round to see the doctor that had treated Reid, Dr Pine.

"Dr Pine, can you you please give us a few minutes?" Hotch asked, he had not planned on Reid's doctor hearing what had happened at the bridge.

"No, I told you that there were conditions to Spencer's release. I told you to keep him supervised at all times and that he needed to be kept calm. You've disregarded everything I told you."

"We didn't see him leave," Garcia said in a small voice. "He wants answers and we need to give them to him."

"I want to know," Reid almost whispered before he looked at the doctor. "I deserve to know why I feel scared all the time. I need to know. I'm not me anymore. Just please let them tell me what happened to me."

"I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm also recommending that you stay in the psychiatric ward for observation. You need to be watched. You are a suicide risk to yourself," Dr Pine said.

"NO!" Morgan yelled from his bed. "You are not putting him the psychiatric ward."

"I'm have power of attorney over him, I make his medical decisions right now. You are not putting him in that ward," Hotch said angrily, he moved in front of Reid protectively.

"You told me that you could take care of him and you clearly can't," Dr Pine snapped back. "I can overturn your decision if I deem it to be better for the patient. He is a risk to himself."

Reid shook his head violently and ran over to Morgan's bed, he sat down on the floor and looked up at Morgan's confused face. "Morgan, don't let them put in the ward. Please don't let them take me."

Morgan turned back to face the doctor. "Do you see him? You put him in that ward and you will destroy him. If you put him that ward you will be harming his mental and physical health. I will sue your asses if you try to put him in that place."

"I will notify the psych ward and send someone down for an assessment. If he fails it, I will be placing him in the ward," Dr Pine said angrily before storming away from the room.

"No, no, no," Reid cried gently. "I can't go there."

Hotch rushed over to Reid and gently gripped his arms. "You won't be going into that ward. I won't let them put you in there."

"Morgan, Hotch, please just tell me what happened?"

Hotch helped him get to his feet and placed him on Morgan's bed so he was facing Morgan. "Morgan, tell him."

Morgan used his uninjured hand and brought it to hold Reid's hand. He took a deep breath and began to tell Reid what had happened to them.

"Reid, we were kidnapped," Morgan said, his voice trying to stay strong. "I was taking you home because you were having a bad day, we were going to sit and watch some movies and order some food. We were both drugged and taken to a warehouse. They put you in a padded cell and put you in a straitjacket. I was tied to a chair in another room where I had to watch you. Reid, they tried to make you insane. They tried to convince you that your life, the BAU, the family standing around you right now wasn't real. Reid, they drugged your food and you hallucinated. You screamed for me to help you but I wasn't able to. You screamed that there was blood on the walls and someone was coming to get you."

Morgan stopped for a moment as he watched Reid's eye water as he received the new information. Hotch stepped forward and put his hand on Reid's back to try and calm him. Morgan continued knowing that he stopped again, he wouldn't be able to finish.

"Reid, they tortured me and forced me to watch you suffer. I managed to escape and knock one of them out, I called Garcia and she found, she sent the team. While waiting for the team, I went to find you. I found you but the unsubs that kidnapped us found us as well. They stabbed me and took you. You never hurt me, they did. They took you and -" Morgan tried to finish but Reid interrupted him.

"Pain," he cried gently.

"Reid?" Hotch questioned as he watched Reid begin to hyperventilate.

"ECT!" Reid gasped. "Oh god!"

Hotch grabbed Reid as he began to fall back. Morgan watched in horror as Reid's eyes rolled into the back of his head and fell unconscious into Hotch's arms. The rest of the team stood frozen with shock.

"Help," Hotch called out of the room. "I need help!

**Please review**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I will try get my daily updates back to normal but I am a little poorly, so I hope you will forgive me if they are a little off. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, your are wonderful and amazing. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

There they were. The memories that had been missing from his mind, the ones that caused the fear in his heart and the confusion in his mind. They were painful as they flashed in his mind. He remembered now. He remembered waking up in the padded room, the straightjacket around him and restricting his movements. The memories continued to flash through his mind. Why had he not listened to the team? The fear grew and grew as each memory returned. His mind rested on a memory, one he didn't want to see. He watched as Morgan was stabbed, he felt hands on him pulling him away from his best friend, his best friend who was bleeding to death. A strong hand slamming over his mouth stopping him from begging the people that had kidnapped them.

His mind flashed forward and he found himself strapped to the bed, he couldn't move and the fear was stronger than ever, it was a monster that was pinning him and crushing his soul. He felt pain in his cheeks as he remembered being hit by the two unsubs. A wedge was shoved into his mouth and the man walked over to the ECT machine.

Then there was nothing. Just white hot pain.

Reid's eyes whipped open, he bolted up from the bed only to be pushed back down. He struggled against the hands that were holding onto him. He didn't want to be touched. Everyone always hurt him. He looked around the room and noticed he wasn't with Morgan.

"Reid, it's Hotch. Calm down," Hotch said as he tried to calm Reid down.

"Get off me! Get off me!" Reid screamed as he struggled. "Leave me alone!"

Hotch sat on the bed behind Reid and wrapped his arms around him, he held him tightly as he tried to calm him down. "Reid, calm down. No-one is going to hurt you. It's okay."

"I remember. Oh god, there was so much pain when they turned on the machine. I don't remember anything after that till I woke up, everything is fuzzy is my head. Morgan was stabbed trying to rescue me. It was my fault," Reid whimpered. "I couldn't help him, they dragged me away and there was so much blood. My head still hurts."

Reid relaxed and continued to cry gently. Hotch released his arm and moved back around to face Reid.

"Reid, it was not your fault. You were taken by evil bastards who put you in a room and tried to make you think you were insane."

"Maybe they succeeded," Reid mumbled.

"Reid, you are going to get better. You'll get better and come back to the BAU, you are not insane."

"I shouldn't have pushed, I shouldn't have tried to remember. Now I wish I could just forget. I still remember all the blood, they pinned me to floor and drugged me. They poisoned my food. They strapped me to a bed and tried to destroy me," Reid cried quietly. "I guess they succeeded. I'm not Dr Spencer Reid anymore. I'm just Spencer now. There's nothing special about me anymore. They took away my mind. I'm nothing now."

"Spencer Reid, you listen to me right now," Hotch said strongly. Reid looked up and looked at him, his eyes red and puffy. "Reid, you are part of a family that is not going to leave you. Your mind just needs time to heal. You have more strengths than just your mind. You are kind, compassionate and you take care of those around of you. You are still Dr Spencer Reid, no-one can ever take that from you. You are everything to this team."

A knock came at the door causing Reid to tense. Dr Pine walked into the room and over to the bed with two men behind him.

"What's going on?" Reid asked Hotch fearfully, he grabbed Hotch's wrist tightly.

"I'm admitting Spencer to the psych ward, he needs to be supervised and placed on suicide watch. I'm not willing to place his life in danger. He will be placed in the ward for the next three days and assessed. I'm sorry but it's what is best for him."

Reid scrambled off the bed and backed into the corner of the room. Hotch stood in front of him defensively.

"You are not putting him in a ward, my team can take care of him. He remembers what happened to him. Putting him in that ward will destroy him and only cause further harm to him. You can't do this without my permission. I have authority over his medical decisions," Hotch growled at Dr Pine.

"They can take care of me," Reid moaned in a small voice. "Please, don't put me in psych ward. I can't go to that place. Hotch, please don't let them take me."

"I can have your decision overturned if I deem it better for him. You will be placing him in danger. He needs professional help and constant supervision, something you have failed to provide. Agent Hotchner, please step aside. I will call security if I have to," Dr Pine said as the two men in white scrubs moved forward. Hotch turned around and put his hand on Reid's shoulders.

"Reid, I will get you out by tomorrow. I will get you out," Hotch promised as held onto Reid. Reid pushed Hotch away and tried to run past the two men in scrubs, they quickly grabbed him and held onto him tightly as he tried to get free.

"This is for the best Spencer," Dr Pine said before nodding to the two men. "Take him to the ward and to his new room. I'll be up soon."

The two men began to pull a screaming Reid out of the room. "Hotch! Please, I'll do anything! Don't let them take me!"

Reid screams became fainter and fainter as he was dragged away. Hotch rushed forward only to be grabbed by Dr Pine.

"Agent Hotchner, it had to be done. You and your team are in denial about Spencer's condition."

Hotch ripped his arm around from Dr Pine, he looked at the man for a moment before swinging his fist into Dr Pine's face. Dr Pine crashed to the floor.

"He is not staying in that ward, I am getting him out. I'm getting your decision overturned. You just doomed him to his worst nightmare," Hotch said angrily before storming out of the room.

**Please review**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey everyone, only one update today as still feeling bad. I'm trying to get myself sorted and better. I have some extra time tomorrow for things so will update both my fanfics. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, they are lovely and wonderful. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid withdrew into himself, the fear inside of him reducing him to an almost catatonic state, it was no use to fight against the men. He didn't want to feel anymore pain, the men would only hurt him if he fought back. The men unlocked a door and placed himself inside a room, they left checked his pockets and took his shoes away from him. Reid sat there limply till they left the room. He looked around the room and found that it was bare apart from the bed that he was sat on. Reid ran his hands through his head as she tried to calm himself. He couldn't stay in this place, not even for one night. He knew Hotch had not wanted him to go, if Hotch had fought against the men, they would have hurt him. He didn't want Hotch to get hurt because of him.

Reid jumped when a small nurse came into the room, he crawled back till he hit the top of the bed. "Why am I here? I'm not crazy."

"Dr Pine is going to come by in a little while, he is going to tell you everything you need to know and he is going to explain your treatment options. I'm here to put this on you," the nurse smiled before she held up a small plastic ID bracelet, she gently took his wrist and put the ID bracelet around Reid's wrist, she pulled his jacket back down and gave him a small smile. "Everything is going to be okay, this is a safe place. All we want to do is help."

Reid grabbed the young women by her arms and looked her in the eye. "I can't be here, I can't be here again. Please, just let me go."

The young nurse slowly pulled from Reid, his hands fell down across her side and away from her. "I'm sorry Mr Reid but you have to stay here. It's for your own good."

The young nurse walked out of the room and locked the door, Reid watched her and close his eyes. He looked down at his hand and a small smile tugged at his lips. He smiled due to the fact he was looking down at the two bobby pins he had just stolen.

**Morgan - Ten minutes later**

"They took him! How could you let that happen?" Morgan said angrily at Hotch. "That place is going to be hell for him. He can't stay there, you have to get him out of there."

"I will, I promise," Hotch said. "I'll call every contact I have and look for a way to get him out of there. God, I should have never brought him back here. You should have heard him screaming as they dragged him away."

"Oh Reid," Garcia cried softly.

"Hotch, don't waste time here. Just go and help Reid. Get him out of that place," Morgan urged. "If that son of a bitch Dr Pine tries to press charges, I'll deal with him.

"I don't think he will," Hotch said even though he was unsure on the matter of him punching Dr Pine.

"Hotch, please go now back to the office and get Reid out of that place. He can't stay there," Garcia said tearfully. "I'll stay here with Morgan. Go with the rest of the team and help Reid."

"I'll stay here with you," JJ offered as she sat down next to Garcia.

"Emily, Rossi. I'm going to need your help," Hotch said as she turned to face them.

"I have some people I can call," Rossi said. "Let's go. The quicker we get Reid out of that place, the better he will be."

**Car park - Hotch**

Hotch quick marched towards the SUV, Emily and Rossi trying to keep up with him. Hotch was near the car, he was about unlock the SUV when he heard a small sound from underneath the car, he knelt down and was shocked to see Reid laying under the car and staring back at him.

"Reid!" Hotch gasped in shock. Emily and Rossi knelt down beside him and both were equally surprised to see Reid.

"Hotch, I couldn't stay there," Reid whispered. "I just couldn't. Not even for an hour."

"How the hell did you get out?" Hotch asked as he held his hand out to Reid. Reid took the hand and shuffled himself from out of underneath the car. Reid held out his hand and showed them all two straightened out bobby pins.

"I picked the lock, it wasn't hard. I've known for a while how to pick a lock," Reid said timidly before looking at Hotch. "Hotch, you have you to get me out of here. They probably already know I'm gone. Please get me out here. Take me home, please."

Hotch nodded and quickly unlocked the SUV, he ushered Reid into the SUV and Emily followed Reid into the back seat while Rossi sat in the front seat. Emily quickly strapped Reid in with the seatbelt.

"Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you?" Emily asked as she brushed her hand through his hair.

"I'm okay, I just want to go home. I couldn't stay there. You understand," Reid said as he grabbed Emily's hand. "You won't send me back will you."

"No, we will not send you back to that place. We are going to keep you safe," Emily smiled at him.

**Hospital**

"He's gone, I couldn't talk to him. He must have escaped, I've alerted the police. What do you want me to do?" Dr Pine said down the phone, anger bubbling inside of him.

"GET HIM BACK!" the voice screamed down the phone. "Get him back and kill him. I'm not paying you to screw things up."

"Understood," Dr Pine said down the phone. He disconnected the call and made his way towards Agent Morgan's room.

**Please review**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, they were brilliant. I laughed so hard when I read 'son of a biscuit eater.' Thank you again for the wonderful reviews. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan looked up and watched as Dr Pine came into the room, an angry but calm look on his face. Hotch had called JJ a few minutes ago telling them that Reid was in the car with them, he had escaped from the ward. Morgan had felt an immense about of joy hearing that Reid was no longer in the ward.

"Do you know where Spencer is? He has escaped from the ward and I think you all know something about it," Dr Pine said in frustration "The police have been contacted and the moment he is found. He will be placed back in the ward. Do you know where he could be?"

"What?!" Garcia yelled at Dr Pine. "How could you lose him?"

Morgan had resist smiling as Garcia acted dumb concerning Reid's location. She wasn't going to let the doctor take away Reid and Morgan knew that she do everything and anything to protect Reid.

"So you don't know where he is?" Dr Pine questioned, a sliver of confusion in his eyes.

"Why would I be here if I knew where he was? I keep him calm. How could you be so stupid to put him in that place? If I knew where he was, I would be with right now. You better find our Reid or so help me I will turn you life upside down," Garcia said angrily.

"If you find him, please bring him back here. We are only trying to help him," Dr Pine said gently. "Agent Morgan, we are ready to discharge you today. You latest tests reveal that you can be sent home safely I've already signed the discharge forms and a nurse will be in shortly to remove the needles and tubes. Please try to avoid any movement that will cause harm to yourself or aggravate your wounds. Keep your hand rested and the hospital will contact you soon to schedule you therapy. Please, if Spencer does come back to you. Bring him in. It's what is best."

"Thank you doctor," Morgan smiled, it was forced and stiff. "We won't stop till we find Spencer."

Dr Pine nodded and walked out of the room. Morgan turned to Garcia let out a small laugh. "I love your acting skills baby girl."

"Thank you," Garcia smiled back before she quickly grabbed Morgan's bag from underneath the bed, she pulled out a large t-shirt and some loose trousers. "Okay, my chocolate wonder, once they remove everything we are going to get back to my apartment as soon as we can. Hotch is taking Reid there and I don't know about you but I want to see him as soon as I can."

"I'll be like the flash once these tubes are out," Morgan chuckled gently.

"You will be a slower, injured version of the flash," Garcia smiled before kissing him playfully on the cheek.

**Forty**** five minutes later**

Dr Pine waited in his car, he waited for Spencer's friend to lead him to Spencer. He wasn't fooled so easily, he knew that Spencer would have gone to his team. They were a close group and they would not let one of their own disappear. He had signed out of work, his shift had ended. He slid down in his seat as Agent Morgan was wheeled towards a large SUV. It was a few minutes before they left. He turned on his engine and began to follow the SUV.

He had to kill Spencer, if he didn't. He was going to be the one six foot under.

**Reid**

Reid sat in the corner of Garcia's sofa, a blanket wrapped around him. Hotch, Emily and Rossi sat around him.

"Reid, I'm so sorry," Hotch apologised fiercely.

"It's okay," Reid said in a small voice before he pulled the blanket around him further. He felt safe wrapped inside of it. It comforted him, it was almost a cocoon that he controlled. "You couldn't have done anything, they would have hurt you if you had tried to stop them. I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Just promise me that you won't let them take me back there. They took away my shoes."

"We'll get you another pair," Emily smiled as she sat down next to Reid and put her arm around him. "Some bright red converses."

Reid shuffled closer to Emily and leaned against her, she held her tightly.

"You don't think I'm crazy. Do you?" Reid asked as he looked at Emily. "I'm just scared. I remember the pain before every is dark. It hurt so much."

"Reid, you went through a traumatic experience. It's okay to be scare. We know you are not crazy. You are smart and wonderful. You'll be back to yourself in no time. Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Emily asked as she realised it had been a long time since Reid had had anything to eat or drink.

"Can I some milk?" Reid asked.

"I'll get it," Rossi said before making his way into the kitchen.

"Morgan will be here soon. Garcia called and the hospital has discharged him. We will sort everything out with the hospital," Hotch assured Reid. Rossi came back into the room and gave Reid his milk. Emily quickly reached her hand out and helped Reid hold the milk. His hands were shaking fiercly and the milk almost spilled over the edge of the glass. Emily held the bottom as Reid raised it to his mouth and took a few large gulps.

"Thank you," Reid thanked Rossi.

"Anytime," Rossi smiled back.

**Outside Garcia's apartment - Dr Pine**

He watched as Agent Morgan was wheeled into the apartment building, he knew that Spencer had to be in the apartment. The team would have been out looking for him if they didn't know where he really was. He opened his glove compartment and took out the knife inside it. He looked at the knife and took a deep breath. It was time to kill Spencer.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are great, awesome and brilliant. Thank you so much!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Dr Pine carefully made his way up the fire escape of the building, he made sure he kept himself in the shadows. He felt the knife tucked into his belt. He couldn't believe he was risking everything but he couldn't ignore a promise and he couldn't ignore the money that was being offered. He had managed to control the urges for years, the urge to kill. Working at the hospital allowed him to vent his urges. He was going to lose his house and this was the perfect opportunity to solve his problems. The money would help him financially he would fulfil his promise and be free of his past and would be able to stop the itch in the back of his mind, the itch to see blood. He looked into the window of Garcia's bathroom carefully. He used the knife to gently lift up the window. He stepped in and stepped into the bath, he pulled the dark purple shower curtain slowly across the bath to conceal him.

He knew what he had to do. Give the message to Spencer and slice his throat. He had to get out before his team came to the rescue. He would have to slice Spencer's throat deeply.

**Reid**

Reid smiled as Morgan came into the apartment in the wheelchair, he was still on the couch with the blanket around him. He missed his shoes though, he liked his shoes. Why had they taken his shoes?

"Emily, why did they take my shoes?" Reid asked quietly. "I wouldn't have tried anything."

"I know you wouldn't but they didn't know that. Remember, I'll get you some new ones. Some red converses. Reid, does your head still hurt?" Emily asked.

"It hurts a little bit, I'm okay though. I'm happy to be out of that place. Rooms were too white, I don't like the white walls. They would have forced me to take things I didn't want to take. They would have made me feel like a zombie. Tobias was a zombie, he tried to grab me and pull me into the earth. Soil and dirt everywhere," Reid rambled as he began to have a fearful look in his eyes. "Blood all over the walls and blood all over Morgan."

Reid jumped and flinched as he felt Emily take his hand and hold it, he turned to face her as she began to talk. "Reid, your not in that place anymore. You are safe now. There is no blood on the walls and Morgan is safe. He is right over there, he has his wonderful and colourful nurse Garcia to take care of him."

Reid looked over to Morgan smiled as he watched Garcia settle Morgan on the sofa, she placed a large blanket over him and placed a pillow behind his head. Morgan looked over to him.

"You doing okay Reid?" Morgan asked once he was settled in Garcia's chair. "Did they hurt you?"

"No, they didn't hurt me. They scared me," Reid said timidly. "Everyone stared at me as I dragged to the ward like I was a freak, like I was crazy."

"You are not crazy Reid," Morgan said gently. "I'm sorry that they scare you, you didn't deserve that. You won't go back to that place, I won't let them."

"Morgan, I remember everything that happened. I'm sorry they stabbed you for trying to help me. You shouldn't have tried to help me. I couldn't help you, I screamed but they wouldn't listen. I couldn't help you. I screamed but they wouldn't do anything," Reid said before grabbing his head with his hands. "Nothing makes sense anymore since the white hot pain."

Garcia walked over to Reid and knelt in from of him, she put her hands onto his arms and pulled them away from Reid's head.

"Reid, that is all over now. You are safe and you are surrounded by people who love you. That is all over now. The men that hurt you are going to pay for what they did. We will straighten everything out with hospital. We are going to take care of you and keep you safe," Garcia smiled gently at him.

Reid need some time to breathe, he needed some time alone. "I need to go to the bathroom," he said before shuffling the blanket off himself and getting up from the couch.

"Call if you need help," Hotch said as he watched Reid walk into the bathroom and close the door, they heard the door lock.

"Garcia, is-" Hotch began to say but Garcia interrupted him.

"There is nothing in there he can cut or hurt himself with, I cleared it out when he first came to the apartment," Garcia said. "Hotch, is he going to be okay?"

"With some time and support, I think he will be fine. I just think he needs some peace and calm in his life, we have to give him that."

"I can't believe they put him in that place," Morgan said angrily.

Rossi was about to talk when a loud scream came from the bathroom followed by a loud smash.

**Reid**

Reid scooped a handful of water into his hand and brought it to his face, he revelled in the soothing cold. He needed something to remind him that he wasn't in the ward any more. He was away from that place. He leaned down and scooped another handful of water onto his face. He grabbed a towel and patted his face dry. He lifted his head to look at the mirror and felt panic as he saw Dr Pine in the mirror. A hand clamped over his mouth and pulled him away from the mirror, he whimpered into the hand.

"Shhhhh..." Dr Pine's voice came into his ear. "This is for your own good Spencer, the men that did this to you are not happy that you are alive. Neither is there friend. I'm just here to settle things."

Dr Pine brought his hand away from Reid's waist and grabbed the knife on his belt. Reid quickly through his elbow into Dr Pine's chest causing him to be released.

"Help!" Reid screamed as Dr Pine stormed toward him. Dr Pine slashed the knife towards Reid but missed, his hand colliding with the mirror. The door to the bathroom began to rattle.

Reid scrambled to pick up a piece of the shatter mirror, he picked up a shard and ignored it as it sliced into his hand. Dr Pine rushed at him again. Reid brought his hand up and stabbed Dr Pine in his neck. Dr Pine dropped the knife as blood spurted out from the his neck and all over Reid.

Reid fell back into the bathroom corner as he felt blood soak his hand and clothes, he felt it on his face. The door smashed open. Reid looked up to see Hotch's horrified expression.

He looked down at the blood on his hands. And screamed.

**Please review**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. After last night's episode (which made me cry) I am offering one shots. What I mean is that if anyone wants a one shot done, send me a message and I will do them to help cheer everyone up. I have Saturday free.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all wonderful and amazing. My own personal heroes. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch rushed over to a screaming Reid and pulled him out of the bathroom, Reid struggled in his arms and continued to scream as the blood continued trickle down his neck.

"Hotch, what the hell happened?" Morgan demanded as he tried to get up from the chair. Emily kept him in the seat knowing he was only going to hurt himself and cause Reid more panic.

Hotch grabbed Reid and tried to get him to focus. "Reid, look at me. It's okay. He can't hurt you, he is dead. Spencer, look at me!"

Reid fumbled with the zipper on his jacket and ripped off his jacket, he threw it to the ground as tried to wipe the blood away from his hand. He didn't realise his hand was bleeding, he only knew that the blood wasn't disappearing. It wouldn't leave him alone. It was everywhere. In his hair, on his skin and in his blood. Reid grabbed Hotch roughly by the arms. "Hotch, get it off! Get the blood off!"

Reid felt the edges of his vision blur, his breathing was harsh and hard, he struggled to breathe. He felt Hotch shaking him.

"Reid, breathe!" Hotch called, his voice sounding far away as the darkness began to fill Reid's vision. Reid closed his eyes and fell into Hotch's arms, he had passed out.

"Hotch, is he okay?" Morgan yelled as he sat helplessly in the chair, he couldn't help Reid without pain searing his back.

"He passed out," Hotch explained as he laid Reid down on the floor. Garcia rushed over to Hotch with a pillow and blanket, she placed the pillow underneath Reid's head and placed the blanket over him.

"Who attacked him?" Morgan asked, anger in his voice.

"It was Dr Pine," Garcia said as as she checked on Reid, she found his hand and wanted to cry at the deep cut in it. She grabbed a towel and placed it onto Reid's hand to stop the blood. "That son of a bitch tried to kill him."

"I knew that bastard wasn't right," Morgan said angrily from the chair. He looked up from Reid and watched as Rossi came out of the bathroom and shook his head, blood coated his hands.

"He's dead," Rossi said as calmly as he could. "Reid stabbed him in his throat, he bled out almost instantly."

"JJ, call the police and call an ambulance," Hotch ordered as he stayed with Reid, he looked at Reid's face and saw blood covering it. Blood that was thankfully not the young profiler's blood.

"Garcia, can you get me some wipes or a wet towel? He wants the blood off him and I'm going to wipe the blood away," Hotch said, his voice shaking. Garcia rushed away for a few moments and came back with a wet towel. Hotch nodded his thanks and took the towel from her. He began to wipe the blood from Reid's face, he needed to get the blood off, he couldn't let Reid wake up and see the blood.

"Oh Reid," Garcia said as she applied pressure to Reid's hand again. "Everything is going to be fine when you wake up. We'll keep you safe. I promise we will."

**Reid**

_Reid opened his eyes and felt panic in his heart, he looked above him and found himself staring at the two men that had taken him, the men that remained nameless to him. He tried to move his arms but found he couldn't. His arms and legs were strapped to the bed, he struggled harder but his efforts gained him nothing. He remained pinned and trapped on the bed. He looked to the side of him and saw the rest of the team looking at him with stoic expressions._

_"Help me! Please, one of you, just help me!" Reid begged them as he noticed the two men prepare the ECT machine._

_"We won't help you Reid," Morgan said before looking down at his stomach. Reid's eyes widened as he watched blood spread across Morgan's stomach. Morgan looked up at him and shook his head. "We can't help you now. You are too far gone. You are crazy. You are not my best friend any more, he's gone. You are the one who let this happen."_

_"Morgan, no!" Reid shrieked as he struggled on the bed again. "I'm sorry that I didn't stop them. I know it's my fault but please don't leave me. Please, just get me out of here. Please, I'm begging you."_

_"You won't be a burden to us anymore," Garcia said to him. "You should have been the one that got stabbed, not Morgan."_

_"That can be arranged," a voice came from above him. Reid looked back above him and saw Dr Pine standing there with a knife. "Goodbye, Spencer."_

_Reid screamed as Dr Pine plunged the knife into his stomach._

**Hotch**

Hotch bolted up from the chair next to Reid's bed as Reid shot up into a sitting position, he screamed and tried to rip the covers off himself. Hotch quickly grabbed Reid and wrapped his arms around him, he stopped Reid from scrambling off the bed.

"Reid..sshhhh. It's okay. Reid, you are in the hospital. You are safe now. It's Hotch."

"You let him stab me," Reid said angrily. "He stabbed me."

"Reid, look at yourself. You don't have a stab wound. You just had a bad dream, you are safe," Hotch said as he moved around to face Reid. Reid looked at him with fear.

Reid looked down and lifted up the clean shirt he had been placed in. He examined his stomach and felt relief when he found no blood or stab wound there.

"It was a dream?" Reid asked with confusion.

"Reid, what do you remember?"

"Dr Pine was in the bathroom before everything went dark. He put his hand over my mouth and told me that the people who hurt me were not happy I was alive. They have a friend. He doesn't like the fact I'm alive. He told me to be quiet. I couldn't let him hurt me. Where did all the blood go?" Reid said quickly as he examined his arms and looked at his reflection in a nearby mirror.

"The blood is gone now. Dr Pine is dead."

"Hotch, I'm not safe. They want me dead. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Why don't you just let kill me? It'll be all over then," Reid said, his voice almost a whisper.

"Reid, you have a family who is never going to let that happen because we all love you and we never want to lose you. We will capture whoever told Dr Pine to kill you. We will keep you safe. I will keep you safe. It's my job. Always has been and always will.

**Please review**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. One shot requests will be posted tomorrow, I'm working on them but haven't felt my best today. I have lots of time tomorrow so looking forward to finishing them. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are brilliant and angelic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**A few hours later**

Reid continued to eat his jello, it was green and it tasted nice. He remembered jello being red, the same colour as blood. He shook his head and struggled to push back the memories that tried to force their way to the front of his mind. He looked up and noticed a young female doctor walk into the room. He shuffled backwards slightly and put down his jello. He looked to his side and felt comforted by the fact that Hotch and Emily were at his side. He reached out and grabbed Emily's hand, he needed to hold onto someone. They couldn't take him back to the ward if he kept hold of Emily. Emily gave his hand a comforting squeeze to reassure him that she wasn't leaving his side. He winced at the pain it caused to the cut in his hand but he dealt with it.

"Hello, my name is Dr Elizabeth Kay, I've come to see how Spencer is doing," she smiled. "I've been briefed about what happened to you and what happened to Dr Pine. Spencer, how are you feeling?"

Reid looked up slightly before looking down at his lap. "Please don't put me in the psych ward. Dr Pine tried to kill me, I was only defending myself. He wanted to put in that place. Don't put me back in that place. Please don't."

"Spencer, I won't put you in the ward. Although going through your history, I want you to attend therapy sessions I have set up, designed to help you deal with the trauma that you have been through," Dr Kay said before looking up and addressing Hotch. "He needs to attend these sessions to get better. He will also need to come in for tests to determine his mental state."

"I'm not crazy," Reid snapped at Dr Kay.

"Reid, that wasn't nice," Emily said gently. Reid looked over to Dr Kay.

"I'm sorry," Reid said quietly.

"It's okay Spencer, I don't think your crazy. What I meant was you need to be tested on basic knowledge and other things for us to see if your prolonged exposure to the ECT machine caused any damage we haven't seen."

"I get confused," Reid admitted to her. "I forget how to do some things, it takes me a moment to remember where I am sometimes and if I have a nightmare, I get confused. I get scared, I always feel scared. My head hurts."

"Thank you for being honest with me," Dr Kay smiled. "I'm going to set up your therapy sessions and I will schedule a test for you. For now, I want you to get lots of rest and I want you to try and keep your mind active. I want you to solve puzzles, I want you do things that challenge you. When something confuses you, I want you to write it down. That includes when you forget things and I want you to keep a record of your nightmares. All this will help us get you better. I'm going to give you some medication for your headaches. Can you do this for Spencer?"

Reid nodded and looked up at Dr Kay. "Thank you for not sending me to the ward."

"Spencer, on behalf of the hospital, I want to apologise for what Dr Pine tried to do to you. We didn't know he had that kind of evil inside of him. I'm very sorry."

"Not your fault, just his."

"I'll see you soon Spencer, I will discharge you soon and I want you to take it easy."

"I will," Spencer nodded shyly. "Thank you for being nice to me."

"Just doing my job," she smiled before turning to leave.

"Reid, I'll be in minute. I need to speak with Dr Kay," Hotch nodded before making his way out of the door and catching up to her.

"Dr Kay, can I speak with you?" Hotch called. She turned around to face him.

"Yes, of course."

"We still believe that someone is after Spencer, we need to keep him safe. I have to ask that his tests don't begin till we have caught the person that hired Dr Pine to kill Spencer. We will do everything you asked but my main priority is keeping him safe," Hotch explained.

"I understand but I'm not comfortable with doing it. I will do it but I also need to speak with you about the matter of Spencer and his mental capabilities. I think that he inside of there but the trauma of receiving the ECT has almost regressed his mind. He needs therapy and until he can attend his hospital appointments, I need you to get him to talk about it. He needs to face the fear he is feeling," Dr Kay explained.

"We will," Hotch nodded. "I also want to thank you for being so kind to him. Dr Pine tried to force him into his worst nightmare and tried to kill him. I think he would have succeeded if Spencer had not escaped."

"I'm still amazed he managed to do that," Dr Kay said.

"He will get better. I never underestimate him. I never will."

**An hour later**

Emily looked into the back of the SUV and smiled as she watched Reid sleeping, his head was resting against a pillow that they had in the back of the SUV and he was covered in a large blanket. Strapped in, he was safe and sleeping comfortably.

"When he is asleep, he looks so small and young. How can someone want to hurt someone so innocent?" Emily said as she looked out of the window.

"Reid is a good man. The world is evil in some places and that evil targets the good. I don't know anyone as good as Reid," Hotch said. "He'll get better Emily. He just needs time and support."

**Please review**


	27. Chapter 27

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. One shots will be up tomorrow, I'm sorry but I had this awesome ending pop into my head and I have to alter it. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are awesome and wonderful. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**The next day**

Garcia looked down at Reid as he slept on the bed, his small form buried beneath a giant duvet she had brought from her home. She reached out and and stroked her hand through his hair, she felt that it was soft but she knew he needed a haircut soon. She closed her eyes and remembered going out with Reid a few weeks before he had been taken by the Griffin brothers. A few weeks before his life was and she had almost lost both her boys.

_"Garcia, I'm not a lot of fun," Reid said as he packed his satchel, she was trying to guilt trip him into coming with her to a nearby carnival. She had wheeled her chair in front of him and was giving her best 'you know you want to look'._

_"Please Reid, Morgan is out with someone. A honey as he would put it. Please go with me," Garcia asked._

_"I would love to go with you but I don't want stop you having fun. I always bring people down," Reid sighed as he finished packing his satchel. He turned round to look at her face. She smiled as she watched him slowly give in. "Fine, I will go with you but don't expect me to win you any prizes. I have a horrible aim and most of those games are fixed. It's been proven."_

_"Come on, let's go," Garcia said as she grabbed his hand. "I am going to show you the true meaning of fun my wonderful genius."_

_Reid had barely put on his coat when Garcia grabbed his hand and pulled him to the elevators. "Garcia!" he laughed._

_An hour later they were walking around the carnival, Garcia with a large candy floss in her hand and Reid with a coke in his hand. Garcia quickly spotted a photo booth and dragged Reid over to it, she pushed him inside and placed money in the machine. "Smile for the picture."_

_Reid let out a small smile as he looked into the centre of the screen, a flash followed a few seconds later. Garcia took of her blue glasses and placed them on his face. She wrapped a hand around him and they both laughed as a flash came on the screen. Reid took of the glasses and made a funny pose causing Garcia to burst out laughing again. Another flash captured the moment._

_"One more," Garcia said as she composed herself. She grabbed Reid and kissed him on the cheek playfully as another flash off. Reid quickly wiped his cheeks causing Garcia to laugh._

_"You don't bring anyone down," Garcia smiled. "Thank you for coming out with me tonight."_

_"Thanks for bringing me out," Reid said. "I needed a night out."_

Garcia let out a deep sigh as she snapped out of the memory, she continued to stroke through his hair. She watched as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her with a sleepy gaze over his eyes. He stared at her for a few moments before giving her a small smile and falling back into a peaceful sleep.

She reached down and grabbed her purse from her handbag, she opened it and took out the photos of her and Reid at the carnival. She felt so sad as she realised that Reid may never be the same even with all his therapy.

**Rossi**

Rossi walked into the interrogation room to speak with Ross Griffin. Emily was handling with Arthur Griffin, she was familiar with him and he knew that she the best one to get information from him. It took all of his strength to control the anger inside of him as he sat at the table and looked into the eyes of the man that had tried to convince Reid he was crazy. The one that turned on the machine that had almost destroyed Reid.

"Ross Griffin, my name is David Rossi. I'm here to speak with you on a matter concerning Dr Spencer Reid. We have to reason to believe that someone is trying to harm him and you are connected with that person. Do you recognise the name of Jack Pine?" Rossi asked calmly.

"Jack Pine, a dear friend to us all. He's dead isn't he," Ross said with a small smile on his face.

"He is, he was killed trying to harm Spencer Reid. Are you aware of the identity of the person that hired Jack pine to kill Spencer Reid? I may be able to help you with your sentence if you give us information that leads to his capture."

Ross Griffin gave a small snort before tugging against his handcuffs. "I've accepted my fate and I am willing to do my time in prison. I have information but I will never give it to you. I will tell you this, Agent Rossi. The man that is after Spencer is loyal to us and he always gets the job done. Enjoy what time you have left with Spencer Reid, or what is left of him. He isn't going to be around much longer.

"You underestimate my team," Rossi said as he struggled to control his anger. "We will capture the person helping you and protect Spencer."

"You didn't do a very good job of protecting him when I screwed up his mind. Can he even tie his own shoes?" Ross smirked.

"I hope you enjoy jail, you are going to be there for a very long time," Rossi growled.

"I know but I don't really care. I have Spencer's screams to keep me company," Ross laughed. Rossi stood up from his chair and began to walk out of the interrogation room. Ross Griffin's laugh followed him out of the room.

**Reid - Two hours later**

Reid awoke to feel a small hand stroking his hair, he opened his eyes and smiled as he looked up to see Henry smiling down at him.

"Hi, Uncle Spence," Henry smiled as he sat on the bed and poke Reid on the nose. Reid let out a gently laugh before sitting himself up. "Mommy is with Aunty Pen outside. Do you want to watch the TV?"

"Okay," Reid nodded as he rubbed his eyes gently. Henry jumped off the bed and grabbed the remote. He handed it to Reid before jumping back on the bed. Reid switched on the television and switched through them before Henry called at him to stop.

"Scooby doo!" Henry said happily as he nestled himself under Reid's arm and against his chest. Reid hugged him back and turned back to the screen. Both of them started to laugh as they watched Scooby Doo.

**Please review**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. For all those who didn't like the end of this weeks episode, I have posted a one shot with an alternative ending. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are brilliant and wonderful as ever. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**One week later**

Hotch felt frustration as tried to focus on the newspaper. He finally shut the newspaper, he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on it. His mind was focused on other things. It was focused on Morgan and Reid, Reid especially. Hotch and the team were no closer to finding the man that had hired Jack Pine to kill Reid. They had been taking turns looking after Reid and Morgan who had been staying at Morgan's house. He looked up from the closed newspaper and smiled slightly at the sight in the living room. Reid was sitting on the sofa, his legs crossed and his nose buried in a book, his glasses perched on his nose. For a moment, Hotch pretended that nothing that had happened to Reid. For a moment, Reid was the same genius he had always been. A genius who was always reading at an impossible speed and spouting statistics.

That was the problem and Hotch knew it. That genius was hidden in the hell was Reid's mind. He just hoped that the team could help Reid get his mind back to a stable place. Hotch stepped from the kitchen and walked into the living room. He gave Morgan a small nod which was returned before he sat down on the couch. Reid looked up from his book and smiled gently. "Hey Hotch, is everything okay?"

"How are you feeling today?" Hotch asked.

"I'm feeling better than yesterday. The pills are helping with the pain in my head," Reid answered. "Have you found him yet? The man that is trying to hurt me."

"No, I'm sorry. Reid, we will get him," Hotch said. He felt guilt rush through him. He was supposed to protect Reid, he was supposed to be giving him part of his life back.

"Hotch, I want to go outside," Reid moaned. "I hate being cooped up side of here. It's too small. I can't breathe sometimes. The padded room trapped me. I don't want to be trapped any more."

"Reid, we can't risk taking you outside. We have no idea to the identity of the person that is after you. I know you don't like being cooped up inside but it's for your own protection."

Reid gritted his jaw angrily before throwing his book onto the floor.

"I hate this!" Reid snapped. "I want to go out. I'm sick of being treated like a baby. Leave me alone!"

Reid jumped off from the couch and stormed into his room. Hotch rose from the couch and tried to open Reid's bedroom door, it was lock. "Reid, open this door. Right now!"

"Go away. Go and get the bad man, do something useful," Reid shouted at the door.

Hotch sighed and stepped away from the door, he turned back around and looked to Morgan.

"Don't take it personally, Hotch. He can't always control his emotions. The doctor said it would happen and it was perfectly normal. He will calm down in a few hours and be his shy self again. He wants this to all be over. He can't start his life until we get this guy," Morgan explained.

"It's just difficult seeing him this way. He is acting like a child but I know he can't help it."

"He just needs time," Morgan said. "Hotch, go and spend some time with Jack. You been so busy with us, you need to spend some time with your son. Hotch, I know all you want to do is help Reid but you have to remember that you have a family. We will be fine for a couple of hours. Emily is coming over in an hour, we can manage till then."

"I can't. I can't enjoy time with my son knowing that Reid is danger," Hotch sighed even though all he wanted to do was spend a few hours with Jack. A few hours where he was able to forget the world and all its evil.

"Hotch, we will be fine. Go and spend time with your son. I think would like to see his daddy for a while," Morgan urged.

"Okay," Hotch agreed. "I'll only be a few hours. I want you to lock the door behind me though and I'm going to leave my weapon with you. I don't want to leave you here with no way of protecting yourself."

Hotch crouched down and unstrapped the gun from his ankle. He handed it over to Morgan who took it with his uninjured hand. Morgan got to his feet slowly and winced slightly at the pain in his back. "It's good to be walking around again," he smiled.

Hotch walked over to Reid's door. "Reid, I'm going to be gone for a few hours. I'll be back soon."

**Half an hour later**

Reid laid on his bed, the duvet cover over his head. It was his way of blocking out the world. He closed his eyes and settled himself further into his pillow. He was warm, he loved being warm. Being cold reminded of him of the dead. Tobias was dead. The dead couldn't feel warmth. Reid was about to fall asleep when the cover was ripped from above him. He panicked as he looked up to see a man standing above him.

"Hello Spencer," the man smiled at him, a smile that was full of evil. Reid tried to call for help but found a large, strong hand over his mouth. He screamed into the hand as the man straddled his hips. Reid tried to shake the man off but became still as a knife was placed under his eye.

"Good boy," the man whispered in his ear. "You will do exactly what I tell you or I will kill Agent Morgan outside. He already got hurt once because of you. Do you that to happen again?"

Reid didn't answer, his body shook with fear. The unknown man tightened his grip over his mouth. "Answer me!"

Reid shook his head fearfully as he felt the man's weight on him.

"That is what I thought. You be a good boy and stay quiet."

Reid let out a small whimper as the unsub removed his hand from his mouth, he was then roughly turned onto his stomach and his hands forced behind his back. "What are you going to do to me?"

He felt duct tape being wrapped around his wrists and then his ankles. The unsub ripped of a large piece of tape from the roll. He leaned down till he was at Reid's ear. "Why, Dr Reid, I'm going to kill you tonight."

Reid cried as piece of cloth was shoved in his mouth and the piece of duct tape was placed over his mouth.

**Please review**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. Sorry for it being short. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I officially caved into temptation last night and brought the song that was played at the end of Zugzwang. Worth it!**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are wonderful, amazing people. I could just give you all a bear hug. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid shivered as he felt a hand curl around the nape of his neck, it pressed him further into the bed causing him to whimper into the tape. He closed his eyes as he felt hot breath on his ear.

"Let's give Agent Morgan a little show," the man chuckled in his ear before moving his hand away from him and leaving him alone. Reid breathing picked up, he began to breathe faster and faster as the unsub placed his cover back over him, hiding him from view. Reid pulled against the tape but couldn't escape it. He listened as he heard the unsub unlock his door. A crash followed, it sounded like glass shattering over the floor.

"Reid!" Morgan voice came from outside the door. Reid began to cry harder as he heard Morgan's muffled footsteps as he approached the door. A small creak followed as the door was opened. Reid let out a small muffled from the cry the bed and listened as Morgan's footsteps approached his bed. "Reid?"

A small grunt came from the above the bed. Reid froze as he heard the unsub's voice. "There, there, Agent Morgan. You should feel the effects of that little drug almost instantly. Reid pulled against the tape as the duvet cover was ripped away. He looked in front of him to see Morgan lying on the floor, his movements slow and weak. Morgan looked up at Reid, his eyes widened as much as they could as they took in Reid's bound form.

"Reid," Morgan whispered weakly, his voice weak and his mind now struggling under the weight of the drug he had been injected with. Morgan looked over to the unsub sluggishly. "D-Don't...hurt..him."

"He is the reason I'm here, Agent Morgan. I won't be leaving till I've had my fun with him. You see, my two nephews are not happy with you still being alive. They have lost their brother and I have lost one of my nephews all because of this Spencer, yourself, and your team. I may even pay Agent Hotchner and Rossi a visit after this. The failures that they are. I can just imagine their faces if I brought Spencer's body to them."

"You're the...Griffin's uncle," Morgan moaned as he tried to pull himself towards Reid, his body craved sleep but he refused to let his body succumb to the urge. "You c-can't...be. You are dead."

"Dead," the man chuckled. "Why? I'm dead because of a piece of paper says. No, I just like being off the grid. The best way to do that was to fake my death. I wasn't even aware I had nephews till the news of my sister's murder reached me. They were lost in the system for a long time. I was dealing with problems of my own but they found me, those boys are clever. I helped them set up your kidnapping, Agent Morgan. I funded their little fun house."

"Bastard," Morgan growled weakly.

Reid screamed into the tape over his mouth as a strong hand gripped his hair and pulled him off the bed. He tried to struggled as the unsub rolled him on the floor onto his stomach. The unsub straddled his hips and lift his t-shirt up his back. Reid looked to Morgan for help. Morgan's eyes were locked on the unsub. Reid shivered as he felt the cold tip of a knife placed on his back.

"Don't," Morgan begged through the drug haze.

Reid screamed as the knife began to cut into his back, a bulky hand gripped his neck to keep him still. He continued to scream and cry as the unsub carved into his back, it was about a minute later that the unsub stopped carving into his back. Reid was struggled to breathe as the pain began to overtake him. He felt a warm liquid travel down his sides. He looked over to Morgan and saw him laying on the floor. His body beginning to succumb to the drug.

"A message for Agent Hotchner and Agent Rossi," the unsub smiled before getting off Reid and making his way over a small bag. He pulled three syringes from the bag and returned to Reid's side.

"What...doing?" Morgan slurred.

"I'm killing your friend, Agent Morgan," the unsub said before turning Reid over onto his back. Reid hissed and moaned as his back hit the carpeted floor. Pain traveled across his back.

The unsub ripped off the tape from Reid's mouth and delivered a brutal backhand slap to his tear stained face. He wrapped a tourniquet around Reid's arm and tightened it before producing the three large syringes.

"Please d-don't!" Reid begged through the tears. "Please don't hurt me."

The unsub uncapped the first syringe. "No, sorry. This particular mixture I am going to inject you with will overdose you. My nephews wanted something more bloody but I prefer this."

Reid tried to struggle as the unsub pinned him to the floor, he screamed in anger and fear and he felt the scratch of the needle enter his skin. He whined as he the drug was injected was into his body, he felt the effects of it immediately. It wasn't diludid, it was something else. It felt worse. His head lulled against the ground as he barely felt the second needle enter his body. He sluggishly looked over to Morgan and saw that he was unconscious. His heart began to race as the two mixtures were in his bloodstream.

"You really are weak," the unsub sighed before injected the third substance into Reid's body.

**Emily**

Emily unlocked the door with her keys, she walked into the apartment and didn't see Morgan or Reid.

"Guys!" Emily called as she put down her bag, she noticed Reid's bedroom door was open. She walked forward towards the door. She had almost reached the door when a large man rushed out of the room and tackled her to the ground.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, they are all wonderful and amazing. Virtual Garcia cookies to you all. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Emily felt her body smash into her floor, her attacker's heavy weight smashing onto top of her. She felt two hands wrap around her throat, she wheezed as her attacker began to strangle her.

"You weren't supposed to be here!" the unsub growled.

Focusing her mind, Emily smashing her elbows into his arms, dislodging his hands from her throat. She grabbed a glass coke bottle from above her and whipped it across his face. Glass smashed across his face and he rolled of her. Quickly getting to her feet, she saw him do the same. He charged her again, she brought her foot up and kicked him in the knee before sending an uppercut punch into his face. He fell to the floor clutching his nose. Grabbing her gun, she put her finger on the trigger and aimed it at him.

"Do not move!" Emily shouted as she moved took a few steps back from the unsub, she quickly glanced into the bedroom to see Reid seizing on the floor. The unsub jumped to his feet and raced forward. Emily pressed her trigger and shot him twice. He fell to the ground clutching his chest. Emily lowered her gun knowing that he was going to be going anywhere his wounds. She raced into the bedroom and gasped at what she saw. She ran back into the living room and grabbed a pair of scissors. Keeping Reid as still as she could, she cut through the duct tape. Putting the scissors on the bed, she felt tears sting her eyes as she watched Reid convulse violently. White foam coming out of his mouth.

"Reid!" she gasped as she placed him on his back. She flipped her phone open and dialled 911, she looked at Morgan and saw that he was breathing. She placed the phone on speaker phone. She explained everything and gave the address to the 911 operator as she cleared Reid's mouth. Her heart pounded as she lifted his eyelids up and saw his eyes had rolled into the back of his head.

"I'm here," Emily cried as she kept his throat clear, she couldn't let him choke. "What the hell did he give you?"

Reid stopped convulsing on the floor but remain unconscious, his skin was wet with sweat and his breathing fast and pained.

"Reid! Reid!" Emily called as she put her hand on his chest and shook his gently. "Reid, I need you to wake up. Come one, please. Help is coming, you're going to be fine. You'll be the same old you soon enough. Just hang on."

Emily watched as Reid's breathing began to hitch, he let out a pained wheeze and his breathing began to become jumpy. She placed her fingers on his neck and felt his pulse begin to slow.

"No, no, no, no," Emily said as she continued to monitor his pulse. "Reid, hang on. Please, we can't lose you."

**A few hours later**

Hotch placed his arm around Emily as they sat inside the waiting room. Rossi was comforting Garcia and JJ.

"I shouldn't have gone anywhere," Hotch said quietly. "I should have stayed with Reid and Morgan. I was selfish."

"Hotch, don't blame yourself for this. You went home to see your son, you've barely spent any time with him since Reid's kidnapping. You were not being selfish, you told me yourself that Morgan told you to go. Reid is going to be fine. He'll be fine," Emily said as she took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. "They will both be fine. The doctor said that Morgan would be. It was only a sedative."

"He must have been so scared," Hotch sighed angrily before running his hand through his hair. "I can't believe that son of a bitch that attacked him recorded it."

"I can't believe he is going to live," Emily said. "I shot have shot higher."

"Emily, you saved Reid and Morgan. The bastard can now face jail."

A doctor walked into the waiting room. "Spencer Reid."

"That's us, how is he doing? Is he okay?" Garcia asked as she jumped up from her seat.

"He is alive but we lost him once. I expect him to make a full recovery but due to the combination of drugs, he will experience withdrawal He is lucky to be alive. There were massive doses in his body that are deadly. He may suffer from physical and psychological effects during the withdrawal and after it. He is currently intubated, his breathing is strained right now but it will improve. He has to stay in hospital for a little while but he will be fine. I'm aware that Reid's primary doctor wanted him to start therapy so I've arranged for that to happen when he is feeling better during his stay," the doctor explained.

"Thank god," Garcia sighed in relief. "Can we see him?"

"Yes but he is going to be sleeping for a while. I must ask that you keep him calm, he has to keep his heart rate down as much as possible. It has been put under a great deal of stress during the overdose."

"We will keep him calm," Garcia nodded.

**Reid's room**

Garcia and the rest of the team walked into the room, she immediately made her way to Reid's side and placed her hand on his forehead. She just needed to know that he was really there. She stroked her hand through his hair and felt tears run down her cheeks. She leaned forward and kissed him on his cheek, she careful not to hit the breathing tube down his throat.

"You are safe now," she cried. "No one can hurt you any more. I'm not leaving you while you are in here."

Hotch walked forward and put his arm around Garcia, she turned around and hugged him, she cried into his chest. "Why can't he just be left alone? He has never done anything wrong, he is so sweet and innocent."

"Shhh..." Hotch said as he rubbed her back. "He'll be fine. He is stronger than all of us. He'll pull through this."

Garcia came away from the hug and took a seat next to Reid's bed, she noticed a sheen of sweat on his face and frowned. "Can someone get some water and a cloth?"

Rossi nodded and disappeared for a minute, he returned with a small bowl and cloth. He handed it to Garcia.

Soaking the cloth in the water, she folded it and and placed it on his forehead, she wiped his face gently before soaking the cloth again and placing it on his forehead for a moment. She felt her heart ache as she looked at him, his brown curls clinging to his face, his small frame being swallowed by the hospital bed. She tried not to look at the tube. It reminded her too much of how close the team had come to losing him.

**Six hours later**

Reid felt a heavy haze on his mind, everything felt heavy. It took him a few moments to recognise that music was playing. It was clear than anything. It was playing into one of his ears. He recognised it immediately. It was Beethoven Pushing through the darkness, he slowly opened his eyes. His vision blurred violently and he became more aware of the tube down his throat. Just as he was about panic, he felt a hand touch his cheek. He looked over to his side sluggishly to see Garcia  
smiling down at him.

"Reid, don't fight against the tube. It's only there to help. They will it out soon," Garcia said. Reid nodded his head carefully and didn't fight the tube. He trusted Garcia, he listened to her. His body craved for more sleep but he fought against it. He struggled to lift his hand up but managed to lift it for a moment to point to his ear.

"I thought you might want something nice to listen to," Garcia said as her bottom lip quivered slightly before she broke down. "I'm so happy that you are safe."

Garcia leaned down and gave Reid the best hug that she could. Reid felt her tears soak into his hospital gown, he lifted his hand up, it felt so heavy but he forced himself to lift it. He placed his hand on Garcia's arm and gave it a weak squeeze, it was very light but it was there.

"My little genius," Garcia smiled gently. "Everything is going to be okay from now on. No-one can hurt you any more."

**Please review**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Cartoon Cow asked how I manage to get out two daily updates. I will tell you that it is not easy but I love to write and I love to give everyone something to read everyday. **

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, you are amazing and brilliant. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Later that night**

Reid coughed and choked slightly as the tube was taken out of his throat. Once removed, his throat felt a lot better. He laid back down on the bed as the doctor took all his stats and took his temperature. The doctor frowned as she looked at the temperature but knew what was causing his fever. She looked down to his hands and already saw the signs of withdrawal. Garcia placed a small straw in front of Reid's mouth and watched as he began to sip the water. He came away after a few moments and rested back into the pillow.

"Thanks Garcia," Reid rasped, the soreness from the tube still cutting into his voice. He wiped his forehead and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "I don't feel good."

"It's okay, Reid. You'll feel better soon. I promise," Garcia said as he held his hand, she turned to the doctor. "What is wrong with him? He is sweating too much."

The doctor hesitated for a moment before sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked into Reid's eyes. "Spencer, you were injected with high amounts of substances. All of them highly addictive and extremely dangerous when taken. Spencer, it is a miracle that your heart held out long enough for you to get to the hospital. The drugs could have killed you. I'm sorry but due to the addictive nature of the drugs that you were given, you are going to go through withdrawal. You are already experiencing it and it is only going to get worse."

Reid shook his head and let tears spill out of his eyes, mixing with the sweat on his face.

"No! I already went through withdrawal once, I-I can't go through it again. I just can't," Reid said as loudly as he could. "It will be worse, won't it?"

"It will. I'm aware of your past drug problems. I'm very sorry but for the next 2-3 days, you will be craving for drugs. Once you get through those three days, the rest should be easier. We will do what we can for you but we can't give you much due to the stress you body had endured. Be careful with your movements. You back was cut and we had to stitch them up."

"What-What do they say?" Reid whispered gently before glancing at Garcia. "He told me it was a message to Hotch and Rossi."

"Reid, don't worry about that now," Garcia said as she tried to divert his mind away from the cuts on his back.

"I want to know," Reid pleaded with his eyes watering.

"The man that attacked you was called Abraham Johnson, he cut the word failure into your back. Don't worry though, there are lots of things out there that help with scars," Garcia answered.

Reid shifted uncomfortably on the bed before touching his forehead. "I'm so hot."

Garcia grabbed the bowl next to her and dipped the cloth into the new cold water, she pressed it against his head and felt relief when she heard Reid sigh at the refreshing coolness of the cloth. Garcia continued to press the cloth to his forehead. She exchanged a sad glance with Reid's doctor.

"Call for a nurse if you need anything. Just take care of him. He is going to need all the support he can get in the next few days," the doctor sighed before walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"Garcia," Reid sighed as she wiped his face with the cold cloth. "Thank you."

Garcia soaked the cloth again and placed it on his chest. "I'm always here. I'm not going anywhere for the next few days. I'm here for you baby boy."

Reid slid his shaking hand along the bed toward Garcia. "Can you hold me hand?"

"Of course, I can," Garcia smiled sadly before taking Reid's hand and holding it tight.

**Morgan's room**

The team stood in Morgan's room. Hotch held the disc from the camcorder that belonged to Abraham Johnson. He looked at the team and each of them nodded that they were ready to watch the disc. Hotch placed it into a small drive connected a laptop. He waited for it to load before the video came up on this screen. Morgan felt slightly uncomfortable as he laid in the hospital bed.

"Is everyone sure they want to watch this?" Hotch asked.

"Just play the video, Hotch," Morgan said in a low voice. Hotch nodded and pressed the play button. The entire team watched as the video play. The camera focused on Reid's bed and seemed to place on a bedside table. Abraham came into view as he silently walked over to the bed. The team held their breath but gasped as Abraham ripped away the duvet to reveal a confused and frightened Reid.

"Hello Spencer," Abraham's voice echoed from the screen. Morgan felt a small shiver travel up his spine as he heard Abraham's voice. JJ put her hand over her mouth as Abraham pushed Reid to the bed and placed his hand over his mouth. It hurt the entire team to watch Reid struggled with man, it hurt them even more as they watched Abraham place a knife under Reid's eyes. Abraham leaned down and whispered something into Reid's ear they couldn't hear.

Reid winced on the screen as Abraham tightened his grip. "Answer me!"

Hotch tightened his hands into fists as Abraham smiled. "That is what I thought. You be a good boy and stay quiet."

They watched as Abraham released his hand from over Reid's mouth. Reid let out a small whimper, a whimper that caused all of their hearts to fill with guilt.

"What are you going to do to me?" Reid whispered to Abraham, his voice shaking with fear. They saw Reid shiver more as Abraham wrapped duct tape around his hands and ankles before ripping off a small square piece.

"Why, Dr Reid, I'm going to kill you," Abraham smirked before pulling a piece of cloth out of his pocket and stuffing it into Reid's mouth. The entire team felt tears sting their eyes as they watched Reid cry as duct tape was placed over his mouth.

"Shut it off," Morgan snapped angrily. Hotch immediately shut the laptop and placed it on the bedside table. "I should have heard something, I should have known something was wrong!"

"Morgan, don't," JJ said gently before placing her hand over his. JJ turned round to Emily for support but only caught a glimpse of her as she walked out of the room.

**Emily**

Emily walked out of the room and walked as quickly as she could to Reid's room, she walked into the room to find Garcia crying gently. Garcia was still cooling Reid down and holding his hand.

"Garcia, what's wrong?" Emily asked, her voice shaking as she tried to keep the memory of Reid convulsing on the ground in the back of her mind.

"He's asleep but he is mumbling. He keeps calling out for the team to help him," Garcia cried gently. "I want to be here for him but I don't know how much longer I can watch him be in pain."

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	32. Chapter 32

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry but I won't be updating TOGETHER today as I have been feeling very bad today and my head is having trouble focusing. I will be updating it again tomorrow. I'm really sorry.**

**Thank you for the reviews, you are amazing. I love you all and you are wonderful angels. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan pulled the covers off himself and slowly lifted himself out his bed, he ignored the pain in his hand as he cradled it to his chest and ignored the pain in back. Hotch helped him get out of the bed. Morgan had been discharged and he wanted to see Reid. Morgan moaned swayed slightly as he got to his feet but immediately felt JJ, Hotch and Rossi's hand on him, helping him keep his balance.

"I'm okay," Morgan nodded. "I just want to see Reid. Last time I saw him, he was scared and in pain. I need to see him to know he is okay."

"Come on then," JJ smiled before letting out a small yawn. "Hold onto me and we will go see him."

"Once we've seen Reid, I want everyone to go home and get some rest. That includes you, Morgan," Hotch ordered, his voice full of authority.

"I've had enough rest," Morgan said before beginning to walk with JJ.

**Emily**

Emily soaked the cloth in the water and placed it on Reid's forehead, she felt sadness run through her heart as she watched Reid's hands shake and heard his pleas for the team to come and save him from the bad men. He was dreaming and there was nothing she could do except keep him as cool as possible and stay at his side. She looked over to Garcia, she smiled gently as she watched Garcia sleep with her head on the edge of the bed, her hand still holding Reid's. Emily placed the bowl on the bedside table and grabbed a nearby blanket. She folded the blanket and placed it under Garcia's head. Garcia stirred for a moment but settled back into her slumber.

The door opened causing her attention to shift to the door. She watched as Morgan made his way with JJ, Rossi and Hotch all behind him. She brought her finger to her lips to signal them to be quiet before pointing to Garcia. They nodded and made their way to Reid's bedside. Emily stepped aside and looked on as Morgan went to Reid's bedside.

"Why is he sweating so much?" Morgan demanded gently. "He looks awful."

"He is going through withdrawal. Garcia told me the combination of drugs in his system means that he is going to come down hard and his withdrawal is going to rough on him. His hand are trembling slightly, he is talking in his sleep and he is sweaty and has a fever. The doctor told us that he is going to start experiencing the more painful things soon," Emily explained. "Morgan, he'll be okay but it is going to take some time."

"He doesn't deserve this," Morgan said in a small voice. "He went through withdrawal once before, he doesn't deserve to go through it again. He didn't take anything himself. The drugs were forced into him. He doesn't deserve this."

"M-M-Morgannnn..." Reid slurred in a whisper causing everyone apart from the sleeping Garcia to look at him.

"Hey, pretty boy," Morgan said as he tried to place a smile on his face. He couldn't though.

"Don't...feel...good," Reid whispered, his voice small and almost child-like.

"I know you don't but I promise you will feel good soon. You just have to be strong and get through the next few days. I know it is going to be tough but you have to promise me that you will be strong and brave."

Reid looked around the room sluggishly before a moment as he struggled to stay focused. He blinked a few times and stared at Morgan. "I'll be...brave."

Morgan felt a lump in his throat. "Good. Reid, go to back to sleep. The more rest you get the better you will feel. Go back to sleep."

"I see him then," Reid sighed as he eyes started to close gently. "No-one helps me when he comes for me."

Reid's eyes closed as his head rested back into the pillow, hair stick to his sweaty forehead. Morgan backed away from the bed as he felt tears sting the back of his eyes. "Someone take me home. I can't watch him be like this. I can't, I'm sorry."

JJ and Rossi instantly stepped forward and stood by Morgan's side.

"It's okay, Morgan. Come on, I'll take you home," JJ said as she took his hand.

"Emily, call me if anything happens," Morgan said as he looked over to Emily.

"I'll call you if anything happens. I'll stay with him," Emily assured him as she stepped forward and gave him a small hug.

"I'll come back when I can but I can't watch him be in pain. I'm sorry," Morgan said.

"Come back when you are ready," Emily smiled gently at him. "Garcia isn't leaving his side and neither am I."

"I'm going to stay," Hotch said as he looked at Reid.

"Hotch, no," Emily shook her head gently. "Go home and spend time with Jack. Be there for when he wakes up in a few hours. Garcia and myself will look after Reid, we'll keep you all informed. All of you go home and get some rest."

**An hour later**

Garcia had awoken from her sleep and was reading a magazine with Emily. She jumped when a gagging noise came from Reid, she looked at him as his eyes opened and he brought a hand to his mouth. Emily grabbed a nearby bowl and helped Reid sit up before placing it under his mouth. Garcia and Emily both winced as Reid vomited into the bowl. He cried out and put a hand to his stomach as he struggled to breathe for a moment.

Garcia rubbed her hand on Reid's back. "Reid, breathe."

Reid took in a large gasp of air before clenching his other hand tighter around Garcia's hand. He vomited again into the bowl.

"It hurts," Reid cried.

"It's okay. I know it hurts but we are here for you," Garcia said as she rubbed his back again. "Just breathe. Everything will be better soon."

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	33. Chapter 33

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are all amazing, wonderful and angelic. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**The next day**

Reid shook violently on the bed as he tried to focus his mind on anything but the sheer pain inside his stomach as it continued to cramp. He is hand clenched his pillow as he tried to take deep breaths. He just wanted the pain to end. He wanted to feel better. He could feel the sweat dripping clinging to his skin, he moaned as another violent cramp hurt his stomach. Reid laid on his side and watched the clock on the wall, he watched the seconds tick by. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself somewhere better. Some place where pain didn't exist. He opened his eyes again as the image of blood filled his mind. There was no escape for him. There never was.

He winced slightly as he felt a cold cloth placed on the back on his neck. Garcia was holding the cold cloth against his neck, he settled into the cold as it helped him feel better. The warmth over his body was bearable as long as Garcia stayed with him. Emily was called into the BAU with the rest of the team on an urgent case. He knew that the team wouldn't leave unless they has been ordered to. He slowly and carefully turned onto his back, he made sure not to disturb the cuts on his back. He looked over to Garcia and felt tears sting his eyes. He didn't want to ask but he had to. He was struggling, he just needed a break, that was all he needed.

"Garcia," Reid said. "Please help me."

Garcia soaked the cloth again before placing it on the Reid's forehead. "Reid, you just have to ride it out. It'll be over soon, I promise."

Reid shook his head. "Garcia, can't they give me something. I just need something to take away the pain. Please, I just need the pain to stop. I can't do this, I can't. I can't stop shaking and everything hurts."

Reid watched as Garcia began to cry, her eyes watering. "Reid, I'm sorry but you can't have anything. The doctor can't give you anything because of the pressure that your heart went through. You just need to be brave."

"Please," Reid begged as he turned onto his side to face her. He couldn't find a comfortable position.

Garcia moved the bowl onto a nearby chair and soaked the cloth again. She sat on the edge of Reid's hospital bed and stroked her hand through his hair. She hated how much he was shaking. It scared her to see him in so much pain.

"I'm so sorry but I can't," Garcia said tearfully before wiping his face with the cold cloth. "Reid, I know it's hard but I promise you that once you get through this, everything will get better. You'll feel so much better and you can focus on getting better.

Reid shuffled up on his bed before sitting up and pulling Garcia in a hug. He held onto her tightly as he ignored the pain in stomach and on his back. He cried into her shoulder and grasped onto her cardigan tightly.

"Why is this happening to me?" Reid cried into her shoulder.

Garcia held onto Reid tightly and rubbed her hand in circles on Reid's back. She rocked him gently as he cried into her shoulder.

"Baby boy, I don't know why this is happening to you. I don't understand why the world is cruel to innocent people like you. What I do know is that you will get through this and when you do, you will be a stronger man."

"Garcia, it hurts so much. I just want the pain to go away. I hate being weak, I don't want to be weak anymore."

Garcia continued to rock Reid and hold him in a comforting hug.

"You are not weak, you are a strong man who has a family around him. We are here for you, we all are," Garcia assured him before stroking his hair in a motherly way.

"Not everyone," Reid said in a low voice before coming away from Garcia and looking into her eyes, his eyes red and full of tears. "Morgan isn't here."

Garcia closed her eyes and brought Reid back into a hug.

"I know he isn't but he will be soon. I promise he will be," Garcia promised. "He'll be here soon."

**A few hours later**

Morgan stood outside of the door to Reid's room, he hesitated going in. He couldn't go home, Anderson had already left the hospital after giving him a ride to the hospital. Morgan took a deep breath and opened the door. He walked in to find Garcia sitting against the pillows on the now upright bed, her legs on the bed. His eyes immediately focused on Reid who was laid against Garcia's chest sleeping, a blanket wrapped around him and his body shaking. Garcia's arms were wrapped around him and her eyes red from where she had been crying.

"Hey babygirl," Morgan whispered as he slowly made his to the bed. "How is he doing?"

"He was hot but now he is cold. He keeps going back and forth. I finally got him to sleep and an hour ago, he needs to sleep," Garcia explained quietly. "He was so upset earlier, he was pleading for the pain to go away."

"I'm sorry I haven't been here," Morgan said as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I just can't stand seeing him in pain."

"You think I can?" Garcia snapped at Morgan in a small voice.

Morgan recoiled slightly.

"I'm here because he needs someone to take care of him and help him through this," Garcia whispered angrily. "I've watched him vomit, cry, shake, sweat, plea, beg and struggle with his mind. I'm going to watch and be here for him through the rest because I have to be strong for him even though it breaks my heart to see him this way. Now listen, Derek Morgan. You stay here, suck it up and be here for him."

Morgan nodded as he took in Garcia's words. "Yes ma'am."

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	34. Chapter 34

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy them. **

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**All mistakes are my own**

_Blood covered his hands, it coated them. He looked up to see his mother sat in front of him in her pink dressing gown. His heart constricted with pain as he saw blood pour out of stab wound on his mother's stomach._

_"Momma," Reid cried as he tried to crawl forward and help her. He made it halfway before something prevented him from going further, he looked behind him to see a chain attached to the wall and the other part around his ankle. "Momma, are you okay? Please talk to me!"_

_"Spencer, why did you do this to me? How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me," Diana cried gently as she looked at him. Reid shook his head violently as he watched blood spread across his mother's dressing gown._

_"Momma, I didn't do this. I could never do this to you. I love you and I take care of you. I work hard so you are in a safe place at Bennington. Don't die, please don't die. Just hold on."_

_"You did this to me," Diana cried as she reached to her face to wipe the tears. Blood smeared across cheek. "You plunged the knife into me and screamed that I was wasn't your mother anymore."_

_Reid was about to argue back when he looked to his hand and found a bloody knife in it, he tried to drop the knife but he couldn't, his hand wouldn't unwrap from it. Diana screamed causing Reid to let out a small scream. He looked to his mother's chest and saw the tip of the knife. Fear overcame him as he watched another version of himself come out from behind Diana and smiled at him. His hair coated in blood and his eyes full of evil. The other version of himself pulled the knife from Diana's back and pushed her body away from him and to the floor._

_"Crazy people do crazy things," the over version of himself laughed._

_"NOOO!" Reid screamed as he tried to reach his dead mother._

Reid jolted up from the bed but felt two sets of arms hold him to the bed, he struggled against them.

"Reid, it's Morgan and Garcia. Calm down, it was just a nightmare," Morgan said to him, his voice full of authority as he held Reid down onto the bed. Reid took a few deep breaths but couldn't stop his body from shaking. He never could. He looked to his side to see that he was leaning against Garcia with a blanket over him. He felt so cold. He looked at Garcia before leaning back against her and beginning to cry. Garcia wrapped her arms around him and held him protectively.

"Reid, it's Garcia. What's wrong?" she asked as she held him.

"Garcia, I killed her. I watched myself murder her. He was so evil, his eyes were full of evil," Reid cried as he clenched his hands into the blanket. "I didn't kill her though, it was the other me. Please don't punish me."

"Reid, you mother is safe in Bennington Sanitarium, you didn't kill her. She is alive and well. You just had a bad nightmare, you didn't hurt her. You would never hurt her," Morgan assured Reid as he placed a hand on Reid's blanketed arm.

"I didn't hurt her," Reid said as he calmed himself down and managed to stop crying.

"Of course, you didn't," Garcia said as she stroked his hair out of his face and kissed his forehead.

"I'm so cold," Reid shivered as he leaned further into Garcia for warmth. "I don't feel good."

Reid leaned up and put his hand to his mouth. Morgan quickly grabbed a nearby bowl and placed it under Reid's chin. Reid gagged for a moment before he vomited into the bowl, after vomiting the small contents of his stomach, he began to dry heave. Morgan rubbed his hand on Reid's back and patted it as he saw Reid struggling to breathe. He tapped the top of Reid's back a bit harder causing Reid to let out a cough.

"Reid, you need to breath. Don't try force anything," Morgan said.

Garcia leaned forward as Reid lifted his head up weakly, she used a tissue and wiped his mouth. She threw the tissue into a nearby waste bin and stroked Reid's hair behind his ears. Reid looked up to see Morgan looking down at him.

"What are you doing here?" Reid asked.

"I'm here to help you through this," Morgan said as he moved from the chair and sat on the bed.

"You weren't around earlier," Reid snapped angrily. "Garcia was here. You haven't been here. I really needed my best friend earlier. I need him now but I'm not sure he is here anymore."

"Reid, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here earlier. You have to understand that I have felt so much guilt for letting everything that has happened to you happen. I watched Abraham hurt you and I couldn't do anything to stop him. I hate seeing you in pain and every time I see you, my mind flashes back to when I was lying on the floor back at the warehouse. It flashes back to seeing you being dragged away screaming. You are my best friend, you are my little brother and I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you suffer through this," Morgan explained sadly. "I promise you that I won't leave your side again. Anything you need, you just ask and I will get it for you."

"Don't leave again," Reid said as he laid back on the bed. Morgan took the bowl and placed it on a nearby chair.

"I won't," Morgan nodded before grabbing another blanket from the bottom of the bed and wrapping it around Reid. "I'm not going anywhere."

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	35. Chapter 35

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are wonderful, amazing and absolutely fabulous. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**The next day**

Garcia covered Reid with another blanket, he was still shaking and having stomach cramps but had stopped vomiting. She stepped away from the bed and ran her hands through her hair as she let out a large yawn. He body yearned to sleep but she didn't want to sleep. If she slept, all she would wake up to see was Reid frightened after having a nightmare. Morgan came into the room with a fresh coffee in his hand, he noticed Garcia's tired eyes and disheveled appearance.

"Babygirl, how long had it been since you have slept?" Morgan asked as he placed the coffee on the table. He winced slightly before bring his hand to his stomach. He straightened his face before Garcia could notice.

"I don't need to sleep," Garcia snapped at Morgan before sitting on the edge of Reid's hospital bed. Morgan walked over to the bed and tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Garcia, you are exhausted. You can run on empty. I know you want to be here for him but you need to take care of yourself too, he wouldn't want you to be putting your mind through this."

"Everytime I sleep, I wake up to see him so upset and in pain. All I want is everything that has happened to be a dream. I want to wake up and see Reid in his converses and vest spouting statistics and drinking numerous cups of coffee. I want Reid back," Garcia sighed before she took Reid's hand and held it tightly. She brought it up and kissed the back of it. "I want our little genius back."

"Garcia, I know you promised not to leave him but you should go home and have a few hours of proper sleep," Morgan advised, he didn't like seeing Garcia so exhausted and vulnerable.

"Out of the question," Garcia said as she rubbed her thumb over the back of Reid's hand. "I'll sleep but I'm staying in this room with him. I'm not leaving his side and no-one on this earth can make me."

She placed Reid's hand back under the blankets and moved to the chair by the side of the bed. Placing her head on the bed, she closed her eyes to sleep.

**A few hours later**

Reid opened his eyes slowly, he looked around the room and let out a small sigh of relief when he noticed everything looked normal. Nothing was out-of-place, nothing could hurt him in this room. At least, he hoped nothing could. He brought his shaking hand up to his face and wiped his wet cheek. He was crying quietly. He looked down and noticed Garcia was sleeping. Resisting the urge to reach down for her hand, he brought the blankets closer to his body.

"You okay, pretty boy," Morgan voice called from the other side of the bed. Reid slowly and carefully turned on the bed to face Morgan. He looked at Morgan with sleepy eyes.

"You're still here?" Reid asked, his voice full of confusion.

"Of course I am," Morgan smiled at him. "I promised you that I wasn't going anywhere. Why did you think I would leave?"

Reid shrugged. "People have told me that would never leave me but they do. My dad promised me when I was young that he would always be there for me, he told me he would never leave me. He did though. He left me and my mum to struggle."

Morgan shuffled forward as he watched Reid try to wrap more of the blanket around him. Reaching for the blanket, Reid tensed as Morgan helped tuck the blanket around him.

"Reid, I'm not going to hurt you," Morgan assured him. "I will never hurt you, only protect you."

"I know you wouldn't hurt me but I feel responsible for you being drugged. If I had not been such a child that day, Hotch would have never left. He left and Abraham attacked me and then he attacked you. I was so scared when I heard you come into the room. All I wanted to do was call out to you and tell you run but I couldn't, I couldn't do anything. I'm always so weak, I hate being weak," Reid said in a small voice.

"Reid, stop thinking like that," Morgan sighed. "You are not weak but right now, you are hurt. You have been hurt by terrible people and it takes time to heal. Healing and weakness are connected but they are not the same. You have to be strong to make it through the healing process and be stronger on the other side. Weakness is something we feel when we are hurt, it takes down the barriers that make us strong. We rebuild those barriers as we heal but we rebuild them to be stronger. I have every faith in the world that you will come through all of this a stronger man."

"How can the team have so much faith in me? All I do is keep them from their lives, I'm like a child that needs constant supervision," Reid said.

"We have faith in you because we have watched you grow into a brilliant, strong agent. I remember the first time I saw you, I thought you were a technical analyst with your glasses and satchel. I was wrong. You are an agent, Reid. You are an amazing one. You need to get through this so you can start saving the world again. Even if it is one case file at a time."

Reid smiled for a moment.

"I think that is the first time I've seen you smile in a long time," Morgan laughed gently. Reid winced as he felt another cramp hit his stomach, he brought his hand to his stomach and took a few deep breaths.

"Are you okay? Are you going to be sick again?" Morgan asked, his hand hovering near the plastic bowl.

Reid shook his head and released a look breath. "Morgan, thank you."

"For what?"

"For being my friend," Reid smiled before leaning back into his pillow.

**Please review**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for it being short.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are wonderful, amazing and absolutely fabulous. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**One week later**

Garcia switched off the lamp next to Reid's bed, she moved the duvet up so that it covered him completely. Taking Reid's medication from the bedside table, she left a large bottle of water next to him. Leaning down, she gave Reid's forehead a small kiss. "Sleep tight, sweetheart."

Garcia walked out of the room and into the kitchen. A small plate of food was placed in front of her by Morgan. She looked down at the food and felt her stomach grumble.

"Garcia, sit down and eat," Morgan ordered as he poured her cup of cold water and placed it next to her plate. "How is Reid doing?"

"He is asleep, he looks exhausted and pale but his fever is gone. The infection is clearing up on his back but his doctor said that he would be feeling ill for the next few days when I called her this morning. At least his hands have stopped shaking."

"Garcia, he is doing better, that is all that matters. You have to take a few little steps before you make a leap. He'll take little steps towards getting better and then he will leap back into life. Now, sit and enjoy your dinner. You've been busy working from home and taking care of Reid. You need to take time for yourself."

"Morgan, I will relax when Reid is better," Garcia sighed as she picked up her fork and stabbed into the pasta covered with sauce. She brought it to her mouth and let out a small smile as she tasted the food. "Thank you for dinner, Morgan."

"Anytime, Babygirl," Morgan smiled back at her. "When does the rest of the team get back?"

"They are flying back later tonight and going straight home. Emily and Hotch wanted to come over but I told them that Reid would be asleep by the time they got here. He needs his rest. They are going to visit him tomorrow with the other," Garcia answered before taking in another piece of pasta. The growling in her stomach being push down with each bite of the food.

Morgan looked up and saw the defeated expression on Garcia's face, the usual sunshine that filled her eyes was gone and he wasn't sure how long it would be until the sunshine returned. He hated seeing his babygirl this way, his best friend and the woman who he would die to protect were both struggling. He didn't know what he could do to help them. His stab wound gave him some pain sometimes but had healed well. His back was sore but manageable.

"Garcia, can you smile for me?" Morgan asked. Garcia looked up and gave him a small sad smile. At that moment, Morgan knew that he had to bring some happiness back into Garcia's life. He needed to bring happiness back into Reid and Garcia's lives.

**Four hours later**

Reid groaned as he felt a hand shake his shoulder. He slowly opened his eyes to see Morgan smiling down sadly at him. Reid closed his eyes as the need to sleep began to pull him back down. Morgan shook him again causing him to try hit away Morgan's hand.

"Reid, wake up. You need to wake up and take your medication," Morgan urged as he ruffled Reid's hair. Reid opened his eyes and felt them burn as the light him them. He looked away from the light as he shuffled up gently and leaned against the wall of pillows behind him.

"I'm not hungry," Reid mumbled before rubbing his eyes.

"You have to eat something, pretty boy," Morgan smiled sadly. "It's chicken soup with some bread. You have to eat this, take you medication and then you can go back to sleep."

Reid looked up at Morgan before sighing and nodding his head gently in defeat. Morgan placed the tray on Reid's lap and held out the spoon towards him, Reid took the spoon and stirred the chicken soup on front of him.

"Reid, it isn't going to bite you," Morgan said as he uncapped Reid's medication and took the correct dosage out of each of them.

"I know," Reid said in a small voice. He scooped some soup onto his spoon and placed it into his mouth. "At least, you let me feed myself. Garcia won't let me hold my spoon when I'm eating. She treats me like a baby."

"She treats you that way because you are her baby boy, you will always been her baby boy. Indulge her," Morgan said as he placed the pills on the side of the bedside table.

"I like her taking care of me," Reid said as he took another spoonful of soup. He put the spoon again and ripped a small amount of bread and dipped it into the soup before placing it in his mouth. He chewed slowly. "Where is Garcia?"

"She is having a little sleep," Morgan answered. "I didn't want to wake her up."

"Morgan, my back hurts," Reid moaned as he stirred his soup again, he brought some more soup to his mouth and swallowed it.

"I know it does but the more rest you get, the better you will feel. Your medication is helping the infection on your cuts. Eat some more soup and them you can take your pills," Morgan urged as he watched Reid eat.

**Twenty minutes later**

Morgan walked out of Reid's bedroom after making sure he had fallen asleep properly, he walked out and looked at Garcia as she laid on the couch asleep, her blonde hair sprawled across the pillow. Morgan smiled sadly as he grabbed a nearby purple blanket and covered her up. He kissed her head and moved to sit on the chair, he leaned into the chair and allowed himself to fall asleep.

The more rest they all got, the better they would all feel.

**Please review**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are wonderful, amazing and absolutely fabulous. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Two weeks later**

Reid sat nervously on the couch, his legs crossed and his head down. A young woman walked into the room and sat across from him, she had a small notebook in her hands and placed a recorder on the table. Today was his first therapy session. He played with his sleeves as he watched the woman uncap her pen and looked at him. He looked up at her to be greeted with a comforting smile.

"Hello Spencer, my name is Dr O'Hara. I'm here to help you get better. I want to assure you that this is a safe place and that everything we discuss is between us. The only time I would break the confidentiality would be if I had strong reason to believe that your life was in danger or that you were a harm to yourself. Our sessions are confidential and they are designed to help you work through the issues that you have. I've been briefed about what you have been through but I want you to tell me what you have been through in your own words. You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to but the more you get out, the better you will feel. Just talking can help," Dr O'Hara explained gently. "We can start when you are ready."

Reid brushed his hair behind his ears and took a deep breath.

"I'm a profiler so I know how this all works, since my kidnapping though, some things don't make as much sense as they used to. I don't want you to think I'm crazy," Reid said as looked at her.

"Spencer, I don't think you are crazy. I do know that you have been through a traumatic experience recently and that your are still recovering. The body heals faster from the mind. The mind is fragile and when it has been harmed, it needs help to heal. These sessions will help you heal. Spencer, I want you to tell me about your kidnapping. I want to know how you feel about it and, in your own words, I want you to tell me how you've been affected by it."

"It's pretty obvious how it affected me," Reid snapped, he placed his hand over his mouth. He pulled it away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Spencer," she smiled. "Why did you snap at me? Where did that anger come from?"

Reid bit his lower lip for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I'm always angry. I can't control it sometimes. I'm angry at everything that has happened to me. I hate the way that I sometimes ramble and ramble till I have to be stopped. I hate that my rambling makes no sense. I don't even remember what I was talking about sometimes. It hurts, the anger hurts and I can't stop it. I'm angry at my team when I know I should not be angry with them."

"Why are you angry at your team?"

"I'm angry because they care about me too much. I'm holding them back in their lives," Reid said in a quiet voice. "My friend, Garcia, takes care of me and she shouldn't have to. I miss seeing her smile. She never smiles anymore or even playfully flirts with Morgan. It's my fault. She lost all her happiness. I took it away."

"You care about this Garcia very much," Dr O'Hara said gently.

Reid nodded and hugged his arms to himself, he felt uncomfortable sharing what he was feeling but he couldn't keep it inside anymore. He was around the team all the time and as much as they wanted to help him and talk to him about everything that had happened, he couldn't tell them everything.

"Why do you think it is your fault?" she asked.

"It's my fault because I'm like this. I'm a shell of who I used to be. All I remember is pain during my kidnapping, every moment in that horrible place was filled with fear and pain. I can't stop picturing my friend Morgan being stabbed and left for dead. I tried to help him but I couldn't. I fought and fought but I couldn't save him. Instead, I let myself be dragged away and strapped to a table. I let them screw my head up because I didn't fight them enough. Weak, weak weak, weak..."

"Spencer, come back. You are safe here. No-one thinks you are weak," Dr O'Hara called. Reid brought himself back to reality and rubbed his eyes in fustration.

"I'm sorry, I don't know when I lose control and go off track," Reid said.

"Don't worry, Spencer. Do you want to continue talking about your kidnapping?"

Reid nodded. "I didn't fight hard enough and it's the reason they won. They held me down onto the bed, hit me and them after that all I remember is pain and then nothing until I woke up. I'm the reason everyone is so miserable."

"How do you know that?" Dr O'Hara asked. "Spencer, you had no control over the events that happened during your kidnapping. You were restrained by the men that took you and I understand that they used drugs on you on two occasions. Drugs can cause horrible things to happen and they can dampen our senses and confuse our actions. Have you spoken to your friends about any of this?"

"No, I want to but I can't. Not after everything they have done for me," Reid said. "I love them and they are my family and all I want to do is see them happy. They can't be happy as long as I am around. I want to get better but I don't want to hold them back. It's not fair on them."

"Have you considered staying in a specialised home for mental health? One that would help you and take care of you till you got better," Dr O'Hara asked.

"No!" Spencer shouted louder than he had intended. "I can't be placed in a home or institution, I won't let anyone put me in there. I can't be like my mum. I just can't."

"Calm down, Spencer," Dr O'hara coached. "You don't have to go anywhere that you don't want to go. It was only a question."

"You won't put me in a place like that?" Spencer questioned, his body ready to run out of the room if he needed to.

"No, I won't. You are safe here, Spencer. I'm here to help you. I won't do anything that will harm your progress."

Reid relaxed his body back into the couch and tapped his knee nervously.

"Spencer, I want you to tell me how the events you have been through have affected you. The more you talk about it, the better you will feel," she smiled.

"I'm scared of being honest with you. I've trusted people before and they have hurt me. They have tried to kill me. How can I trust you?" Reid asked carefully.

"Trust is something we have to give carefully. Spencer, you can tell me what you want. I promise that you can trust me and at any moment you think that trust is gone, you can asked for another therapist. I'm asking that you trust me because all I want to do is help you get back to normal. Do you think you can do that?"

"I can try," Reid said, his voice shaking gently.

**Please review**


	38. Chapter 38

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it. I also want to thank everyone who read my other fanfic TOGETHER. I am considering a fanfic that would focus on the grown up BAU children but it would not be done till I get this other fanfic idea out of my head. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all amazing and absolutely fabulous. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid stared out of the window, his eyes blurring as cars passed the SUV. He had barely said a word since leaving his therapy session. He was aware of the fact that Hotch kept glancing at him. He didn't like being focused on, all he wanted to feel at the moment was invisible. If he was invisible, he would be a burden any more. He closed his eyes and leaned back into his chair. He was going to go to sleep, he just wanted to think about things. Worry filled him as he thought about the secrets he had told his therapist. Part of him felt telling someone everything was wrong, he should be strong enough to deal with it on his own, it was pathetic that he had to have help. That part was dominating him, it was making him feel horrible. The other part of himself, the part that was happy he was finally getting help and talking about what had happened to him, it was being bullied by the other part into submission.

His mind and emotions fought inside him and he felt no control over them.

"Reid, I know you're not asleep. How did the session go?" Hotch said.

Reid opened his eyes and sat up in his seat, he looked over to Hotch who was turning the wheel. "It was fine. We just talked. She made some good points and we have another appointment in a few days."

"That's good. Do you feel better after speaking with her?"

"I feel the way I feel. I woke up this morning feeling tired and I feel tired now. I feel some weight is gone from shoulders but not enough," Reid said as he stared out the window. "Hotch, can I ask you something?"

Hotch quickly glanced at the Reid and felt worried as he observed Reid's zombie like stare out of the window. "You can ask me anything."

"Hotch, am I a burden? Should I be locked away like my mother?" Reid asked in a small voice.

Hotch quickly pulled the car over and cut the engine, he turned in his seat to see Reid was still looking out of the window.

"Reid, you are not a burden and I don't think you should be placed in an institution. We would never place you in a place like that. Why are you asking these questions?" Hotch asked. Reid continued to look out the window and didn't answer Hotch. Hotch placed his hand on Reid's upper arm and shook him gently. Reid turned to look at him.

"Reid, why are you asking these questions?" Hotch asked again, his voice more demanding.

"Hotch, I don't belong with the team any more," Reid whispered gently, his voice shaking. "I don't belong anywhere right now while I am like this. I'm taking everything from everyone and I am twisting into something horrible. Garcia doesn't smile properly anymore and she always puts herself second and me first. Hotch, the day I say on that bridge. The day you found me and yelled at me for being so stupid. When I was sat on that bridge, for a little while, I seriously considered letting go of the ledge and ending it. I know it was stupid to think like that but its getting harder to push thoughts like into the back of my mind. Broken, shattered, smashed to pieces."

"Hotch, I spoke with her and the more into the session that we got, the more I realised I can't be around the team any more. Going to a institution is my worst nightmare but I feel it's my only opinion. I don't want be out free in the world if I'm hurting the most important people in it, my family."

"Reid, I'm not placing you into an institution, I won't condemn you to that. You are not hurting your family but you will if you leave us like this. I don't ever want you to think that you are alone or that the team isn't behind you. Reid, you belong with the team. You have belonged with the team since the first day you walked into the BAU. Reid, just tell us what you need and we can help you."

Reid reached out for door handle and pulled it but found the door would open. "Hotch, let me out! Unlock the door."

"Reid, it's child locked and I'm not letting you out of the car. We are going home so you can get some rest and then we will talk when you have thought about everything more," Hotch said.

Reid hit the door violently with his hand. "Hotch, let me out of the fucking car! I am not your prisoner. I can do what I want!"

"Reid, just tell me, what is wrong? Why are you acting this way? What did I say?" Hotch said loudly as he grabbed Reid's hand and stopped them from hitting the door again. Reid tried to yank his hands away but couldn't escape Hotch's strong grasp.

"Why do you all care so much?!" Reid screamed at Hotch as tears spilled from his eyes, his breathing fast and his body shaking. "I am one person, just another FBI agent that was hired. I've outlived my use so why haven't you sent me away yet? The team is a family and I don't feel like a member of the team anymore. I feel like a ghost of who I used to be. I should be locked away, I should be thrown in a room where I can't hurt anyone anymore. I have the word failure carved into my back. It suits me well. That is all I am, a failure."

"Spencer Walter Reid!" Hotch shouted loudly causing Reid to tense in fear. "YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Spencer Reid, you are like a son to me and I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself that way!"

Hotch lowered his voice but kept it stern and full of authority.

"The team is a family, it's what makes us who we are and it is the element that keeps us going in the job that we do. Stop talking about yourself like you are nothing in this world. Spencer, you are one of the greatest things in this world because you help keep the good alive in it. I know you are struggling right now with everything that happened to you and I know that things don't always make sense since you were placed on that ECT machine. We all care about you so much because you are important to us all. Different members see you as different things. For some, you are seen as a brother and to others you are seen as a son. You belong in the outside world. I won't place you in an institution. I need you to calm down but I need you to let what you are feeling out."

Reid bowed his head and began to sob gently, his entire body shaking. Hotch gently pulled him into a fatherly hug and held him as cried.

"It's okay, Reid," Hotch said in a gently fatherly voice.

"I'm sorry," Reid cried. "I just want to be me again."

**Please review**


	39. Chapter 39

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for reviewing, you are all brilliant and awesome. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch unlocked Garcia's door and kept one arm around Reid as he guided him into the apartment. He closed the door and guided Reid to the sofa. He was worried about Reid, the fragile young man had become almost catatonic after crying on Hotch's shoulder for over ten minutes. He grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around Reid. Looking down at Reid, Hotch was unsure of what was going through Reid's mind. Reid was just staring ahead, his eyes still red and slightly watery.

"Reid, can I get you anything? Are you hungry?" Hotch asked tentatively. "Reid, just talk to me."

"I'm not hungry," Reid mumbled before bring his legs up onto the couch and laying his head against a pillow as he wrapped the blanket further around himself. Hotch watched as Reid laid down on the couch and close his eyes.

"Reid, I'm going to be staying here till Garcia comes home," Hotch smiled sadly. "She'll be home soon and then we can all talk. I'm going to bring the team over here and we can all talk to you. Is that okay?"

"I don't care," Reid sighed, his eyes still staring ahead, his voice empty of any kind of emotion. "I'm going to sleep now. Just want to sleep."

Hotch nodded and watched Reid close his eyes. He stayed with Reid until he noticed Reid's breathing slow and his body relax into the couch, he stayed with the broken genius until he was sure he was asleep. Kneeling down, Hotch untied Reid's shoes and slipped them off, placing them on the floor. He grabbed another blanket and placed it over Reid. He turned around and walked into Garcia's kitchen. He noticed two small containers on the kitchen side and saw that one was labelled with his name and the other with Reid's. He opened the container labelled to him and saw a selection of cookies and a small note. He opened the note and read it.

_Hotch,_

_These are for you. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. The other box is for Reid if he wants them. I will come back from work as soon as I can. Just take good care of him._

_Garcia_

Hotch fetched his phone out from his pocket and dialled Garcia's number. He wanted the team to come to the apartment. They needed to talk with Reid. The youngest member of their team was struggling and they had to help him before it was too late.

**Reid**

Reid sighed heavily as he came away from the peaceful slumber he had experienced, he leaned into the gentle hand stroking his hair. He knew who was stroking his hair, he would recognise her touch anywhere. He opened his eyes and tensed when he saw the entire team staring at him. He looked above him and saw Garcia looking smiling down at him sadly.

"Hey, sleepy," Garcia said gently. Reid pushed himself up causing Garcia to move aside slightly.

"Why are you all here?" Reid asked, his voice low and stoic.

"Reid, I brought the team here because we need to talk about everything that has happened. You broke down in the car, you showed me how you are truly feeling now. We can't sit here and watch you suffer this way. We just want to help you and restore your life back to what it was," Hotch said as he motioned to the rest of the team.

"I don't want to talk," Reid said before pushing the blankets off himself and trying to get up from the sofa. A soft hand grabbed his own and pulled him back to the sofa. "Garcia, let me go."

"Not this time," Garcia said as she shook her head. "Reid, I want you to sit down, put that blanket back over yourself and talk with us. I want to help you and I can't do that if you won't let me."

"You do help me though," Reid said in a confused tone. "You take care of me when you shouldn't have to. I'm the reason you are so unhappy."

"What?" Garcia gasped gently. "Reid, no! Sweetheart, I'm not unhappy. I feel a little down but I like looking after you. I would feel unhappier if I wasn't looking after you. It's a difficult time for everyone but it will get better. Reid, why would you think that?"

"I'm a burden to everyone. You all have lives and families that you should be enjoying. JJ, you should be spending more time with Henry and will, Rossi should be focusing on his books and his life, Morgan and Garcia don't act the way that they used to. Garcia doesn't smile anymore and I miss her smiling. Hotch, you should be spending time with Jack and Emily should be enjoying her life. My life is gone now. I don't know why you care so much. Not when I'm like this. Useless, useless, useless," Reid said before he began to repeat.

Garcia placed her hand on his shoulder causing him stop talking. He brushed his hand through his hair and felt uncomfortable as the entire team continued to stare at him.

"Stop staring at me!" Reid snapped at them before leaning back in the couch and avoiding the eyes of the team. "Why can't you just put me away? I don't want to be in this world if I'm causing pain or holding anyone back. My life is over, I accept that now. Why can't you all accept that?"

"Reid, we will never put you in a place like that. We wouldn't put you through that. We can take care of you," Morgan spoke up. "Your life is not over, Reid. Don't ever think like that."

Reid jumped up from couch and ran past the team into the kitchen. He heard the team behind him, he quickly grabbed a knife from on of the drawers and pulled up his sleeve.

"Reid!" Garcia shouted as she came into the kitchen. "Sweetie, don't do what you are thinking."

"I deserve it, I deserved everything that happened to me," Reid shouted as he held the knife near his arm. He watched as Hotch, Rossi and Morgan all began to come closer to him.

"Reid, please put the knife down," Emily asked as she kept her eye on the knife.

"I have to do something. You won't put me away when I deserve it and if I do this, I'll be punished for what I did."

"Reid, think about Henry," JJ pleaded as she tried to get through to him. "Think about Henry, he loves his godfather and I know you love him. Don't cut yourself and leave him."

"Henry doesn't need me any more," Reid shook his head slowly, his grip on the knife getting tighter. "Henry doesn't need a godfather who wants to jump off bridges or who can't get the image of blood of out his head. Can't get her face out of my head. Never have and never will. You won't do what needs to be done. I have to do something. I deserve this."

"Reid, listen to yourself," Hotch said gently as he stepped forward slowly. "You didn't do anything wrong, you don't deserve to be punished. I know things are bad now but we just need to talk and help you. Reid, give me the knife."

"No!"

"Reid, you are a bright young man, I know you know this is wrong. You don't want to do this, son," Rossi said as he walked towards Reid. Reid turned to face Rossi giving Hotch the opportunity to grab the knife. Hotch stepped forward quickly and grabbed the knife from Reid's hand and threw to the floor and kicked it away. Rossi, Hotch and Morgan all stepped forward as Reid began to struggled in Hotch's arms. Reid stopped struggling after a moment and sank to the floor, Hotch's arms around him. He was crying heavily and holding his head.

"W-Why won't you put me away? I deserve it. I'm just l-like her now. I should receive the same," Reid cried. Hotch held him but struggled to keep himself from losing control of his emotions.

"Reid, what do you mean?" Rossi asked as he kneeled next to Reid.

"I'm just like my mum," he cried. "I put her away because she was ill and I couldn't look after her. I don't deserve to be free. I just want to be me again but I can never do that. You are not family. I never had a family because they all left me or couldn't recognise me. Please, just put me away or let me end it. Please, please, please."

"We won't do it," Hotch whispered to him gently. "We are your family and we love you. We won't place you in your worst nightmare."

**Please review**


	40. Chapter 40

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for reviewing, you are all brilliant and awesome. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid moaned gently as he sluggishly opened his eyes, he felt the soft comfort of a pillow beneath his head and the soft feeling of a blanket over himself. He frowned and opened his eyes fully as he found himself unable to move his arm properly. He looked down and saw a pair of handcuffs, one part locked around a piece of cloth around one of his wrists while the other part was cuffed to the frame of the bed. He tugged against the handcuff and tried to move his legs, he ripped away the blanket and saw his right leg was cuffed to the bed frame in the same way, except the handcuffs have a little more length to them. He began to panic and pull against the handcuffs. The door opened causing him to still. Hotch, Garcia and Morgan walked into the room and looked at him with worried looks on their faces.

"Let me out of these," Reid snapped as he pulled against the handcuffs. "You can't do this."

"We couldn't risk you hurting yourself again," Garcia said, her voice wobbling as she struggled to keep her emotions under check.

"You can't do this, you can't keep me here if I don't want to be here," Reid said as he sat up, his cuffed arm preventing him from leaning forward more. "This is insane. Just let me go and let me do what is right. How did I even get here? I don't even remember going to sleep."

Reid watched as Garcia and Hotch looked at each other, guilt written all over their faces.

"I put something in the glass of milk that I gave you. The doctor gave us some mild sedatives to give to you if you couldn't sleep. I slipped one into the milk I gave you when I tried to get you to calm down," Garcia said tearfully. "I'm sorry but I only did it to help you. We are only doing this to protect you. We don't want to put you away. Reid, you always made us promise that we would never put you away no matter what happened. Don't you remember? We talked about it a few months before you were taken. You made me promise that if you ever became like your mother, that I made sure the team wouldn't put you away."

"I knew it!" Reid said as he looked at Garcia. "You know I'm crazy. You just won't accept it. You know I'm just like my mother, if not worse, and yet, you won't accept it. I'm not Dr Spencer Reid any more. I'm just Spencer. The promise you made was to a different man. Now, let me go or I'll scream."

"No!" Garcia yelled at Reid causing him to recoil back on the bed. "You can scream, you can threaten and you can even call us nasty things but I will not let you ever hurt yourself."

Garcia felt her breathing hitch for a moment, she shrugged off Hotch's hand as he tried to calm her down. Tears of anger and pain fell down Garcia's cheeks.

"You grabbed a knife and threatened to cut your wrist. Why would you do that to us? Why would you do that to me? After everything I have done for you!" Garcia shouted tearfully. "Why would you leave us that way? You have no idea how painful it was to watch you do that. How much it hurt to watch you say that Henry didn't need you around anymore. This entire team loves you because we are a family and you are part of that family. You are not like your mother. You have been through traumatic events and you are fragile. You are like glass being held together with tape. You will get better but you have to let us look after you."

"Reid, we will never put you away. You were child when your mother was ill and you did what was best for her because she was severely ill. Your mother had only you to care for her and you knew it wasn't healthy for you to look after her, it wasn't healthy for the both of you and I know that deep down your mother knew that as well. She knew how smart, kind and bright you were. Deep down, I know your mother wanted you to live a life. Back then, it was only you and your mother, you care for her but you had no one to care for you. You people that care about you and want to help you. Reid, we won't ever leave you alone, we won't ever let you hurt yourself and we won't ever let you go through this alone," Garcia finished as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Reid looked down at the bed and felt shame run through him. Garcia had never yelled at him like that before, he hated that he had made her feel this angry and upset. He wanted to go away so he could save her the burden of looking after him any more. His mind knew that she was right but another part of him, the same part that was bullying the part of himself that wanted to be better and accept their help, was telling him everything she was saying couldn't possibly be true. He shook his head as he tried to push that dark part of himself back. He used his free hand to wipe the tears from eyes.

"I still let her down," Reid cried. "I didn't care for her and I can't accept everyone caring for me because it isn't fair. Why should I have people care about me? I never had people that cared for me growing up. I was always alone and I was always the victim. I still feel like a victim because of everything that has happened to me. I wasn't strong enough to stop them and they hurt me. They hurt me so much. I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry but everything is breaking me. I'm craving drugs and that makes everything worse. I feel so horrible and I feel like a burden. I thought if I went away it would make everyone happy."

Garcia leaned forward and used her hand to gently lift his head. "Reid, look at me."

Reid looked into her eyes and used all his strength not to look away. Garcia's eyes pierced his soul, they both judged and loved him and he knew that he had betrayed her by trying to hurt himself.

"I know you are hurting now but I promise you will get better. You will be so much stronger once this is over. Promise me, you promise me that you will never ever try and hurt yourself again. Promise me," Garcia said, her voice strong but gentle at the same time. "Don't make me ever watch you do that again."

"I won't do it again," Reid promised. "Just don't leave me alone. Not till I'm better. I don't trust myself."

"I won't leave you alone. For the next few days, we are going to stay in this room. We are going to eat ourselves silly and pile a few pounds on you and I am going to show you that everything is okay. I'm sorry to say but I am keeping the handcuff on you till I trust you fully and until you trust yourself a bit more. I've already moved everything I think you could use to hurt yourself. We are going to stay in this room, I will undo the handcuff when you go to the bathroom and then put it back on the bed. I want to show you a few days of pure joy and we going to do that by watching movies, eating ice cream and talking. I am your own person therapist for the next few days. Are you okay with that?" Garcia asked.

Reid nodded his head and looked at Hotch with tearful eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did. Can you forgive me?"

"We forgive you but don't ever do it again. Never scare us like that again," Hotch said.

"Thank you," Reid sighed in relief. "Garcia, can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Please don't drug my milk again."

**Please review**


	41. Chapter 41

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I want to apologise if this is not my best chapter, I have felt dreadful today and have been curled up on the sofa for most of the day. I apologise now if my writing is a bit spacey. I'm also sorry that this chapter is not longer. Sorry.**

**Thank you for reviewing, you are all brilliant and awesome. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid sat against the headboard of the bed, his arm now in a comfortable place, he stared at the television as he waited for Garcia to come out of the bathroom. He felt uncomfortable being trapped in the room, his freedom being restricted by his friends. He knew that he had to trust them, he knew that they only had his best interests at heart. Being restrained scared him, it brought forward memories of his kidnapping, the horrible terror of being restrained trying to break through his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He focused on the present, he had to stop thinking of the past. The past was full of darkness, a darkness that he didn't want to face. The bathroom door opened and Garcia came into the room in a long sleeved pyjama top and a pair of pyjama bottoms. She walked over to the dvd and placed a disc inside of it.

"Let's have some Garcia approved fun time," Garcia laughed gently. Reid's heart jumped a little at hearing Garcia's laugh. Her laugh signalled she was happy. He felt better knowing she was laughing again. Garcia grabbed a small bag of popcorn from a basket she had brought in earlier and grabbed two drinks. She handed one drink to Reid before sitting against the wall of pillows she had created. She slipped under the large duvet and smiled at Reid.

"A sleepover, you in handcuffs on my bed and me in my pyjamas. A combination that I never though of," Garcia laughed gently. Reid couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips, he quickly clamped his lips together to stop the laughter.

"Reid, why did you stop laughing? I haven't heard you laugh in a while. It's nice when you laugh," Garcia asked gently. "Talk to me."

"I don't like laughing because when I laugh, it makes me happy. I'm afraid to be happy because I know it won't last long. Someone will come and hurt me if I am happy. All I want to do is be happy but I'm afraid to be."

Garcia placed her arm around Reid and scooted closer to him.

"Reid, it's okay to be happy. You need to laugh, smile and find joy in the world. Life is nothing without laughter and happiness. I promise you will feel better once you start seeing the good in the world. You don't need to be afraid. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, the team has promised that we won't let anyone hurt you again and that is a promise we are never going to break. You need to let the happiness in to make the sadness disappear. Come on, give me a proper smile," Garcia smiled at him. Reid turned to face her and gave a small smile.

Garcia sighed a little as she saw that the smile wasn't proper. She wanted a true smile, not one faked.

Garcia quickly reached her hand out and tickled his ribs, she let out a small laugh as Reid began to giggle and squeal.

"Garcia, stop it," Reid laughed. "Garcia! It tickles, please stop! Garcia!"

Reid continued to laugh for a few seconds after Garcia withdrew her hand. Garcia treasured every laugh that came from Reid's lips. She loved hearing him laugh, it brought her more hope that Reid would get better and he would be himself again. For a few moments, she could pretend that Reid had never been kidnapped or forcefully injected by drugs.

Reid stopped laughing and put his free hand over his mouth as he succumbed to a slight sense of shock. "I haven't laughed like that in a very long time. I almost forgot what laughter sounded like."

"Laughter is good, never forget that," Garcia smiled at him before bringing up the bag of popcorn. "Popcorn is good too. Dig in, my baby boy."

Reid reached into the popcorn bag and took out a small amount of popcorn, he placed it in his mouth and let out a small sigh, a small smile tugging at his lips. He looked at Garcia and wrapped his free arm around her. She let out a small giggle as she was pulled into the half hug.

"Thank you for shouting at me," Reid said gently. "Sometimes things don't make sense but you make them make sense. Thank you for being there for me."

Garcia wrapped her arms around Reid and hugged him tightly. "I'll always be here for you. No matter what happens. We all will be."

**A few hours later**

Garcia opened her eyes gentle sleep as she heard a soft whimper come from beside her. She turned over to see Reid struggling on the bed, his face crunched up in pain. She jumped as she heard him plea in his sleep.

"No..." he pleaded. "I don't want it. I don't it. Please...don't give it to me."

Quickly sitting up from the bed, the cover falling away from the chest, she placed her hand on his shoulder and tried to shake him. "Reid, wake up. It's okay. He can't hurt you anymore. You are safe. Come back, baby boy."

Reid whined again before opening his eyes and jerking away from Garcia's touch. His breathing was heavy and frightened.

Garcia placed her hands on Reid's face and made him focus. "Reid, it was just a nightmare. You are okay now. He can't hurt you anymore."

Reid stared at her for a moment before relaxing and falling back against the pillows.

"I didn't want it. I didn't want it. I don't want it now," Reid said to himself. Garcia looked at him sadly, she couldn't imagine how Reid was feeling with his craving for drugs. She reached her hand over and stroked it through his hair.

"Don't think about it," Garcia smiled gently. "Let's talk about happier things."

**Please review**


	42. Chapter 42

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I am so sorry that I did not update yesterday but I was in a lot of pain, curled up on my sofa and in a very deep sleep. I could barely focus on eating let alone my laptop. I'm really sorry! I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are all wonderful and brilliant. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistake are my own**

**Two weeks later**

"Are you sure about this, Garcia?" Morgan asked as he waited for Reid to finish getting dressed. Garcia looked at Morgan with a hand on her hip and a disapproving look on her face.

"We can't keep him locked away in the apartment. He needs to get out and get some fresh air. He is a lot better since we've talked. He'll be okay as long as we stay by his side and keep him calm. He needs to get out and experience the world again. We are going for a walk, it's not like he is about to go back to work," Garcia said as she packed some drinks and cookies in a bag and put it over her shoulder.

"Garcia, less than a week ago, he put a knife to his wrist and wanted to kill himself. Taking him out for a walk opens him up to trouble. He jumps at the smallest things. What happens if he begins to freak out?" Morgan said.

"I wish you and the team would stop doubting his progress. I know you're worried about him and you care about him but you have to make sure that he starts moving on. He realises it was stupid to do what he tried but he wants us to understand that he can't control his emotions sometimes. He felt trapped when we all spoke to him and he told me that triggered something in his mind. Morgan, he is starting to open up and he wants to start making more and more progress so he can get some normality back into his life. Today, I plan to bring some of that normality back to him. Are you coming with us or not?" Garcia asked as she began to walk over to Reid's room.

"I'm coming with you but the moment something bad begins to happen, I'm bringing him straight back home."

Garcia nodded and knocked on Reid's door. "Reid, are you ready?"

The door opened to show a nervous Reid. Garcia smiled as she looked at Reid's outfits, he looked like his old self. Reid stepped out in a pair of fitted jeans with a shirt, vest and tie on. He brushed his hair behind his ear nervously and tugged on his shirt slightly.

"I bet it feels better to be in your old clothes," Garcia smiled as straightened his tie. "Does it feel better to be out of your sweatpants and hoodie?"

"Yeah," Reid nodded. "I'm just a little nervous. I don't want everyone to look at me like I'm a freak."

Garcia stroked some hair behind Reid's ear and smiled gently at him. "You are not a freak, don't ever think like that. Come on, let's go and take a walk in the park. I've packed us some lunch."

"Just stay with me," Reid said with a small smile before taking Garcia's hand and holding it tightly. Garcia squeezed back and let out a small chuckle.

"I'm not going anywhere. Let's go."

**Ten minutes later**

Reid stayed close to Garcia as they walked down the street, he avoided contact with everyone else as much as he could. Morgan stayed close by Reid's side and made sure that Reid had as much as space as he could give him. Reid avoided looking anyone directly in the eye, he didn't like looking into other people's eyes. Into eyes that held no familiarity to him. He shivered slightly as his mind flashed back to Abraham attacking him in his bedroom, he shivered as he remembered the man's hand on his neck pressing him into the bed.

Garcia noticed Reid had slowed down slightly and his eyes had closed, his breathing was faster as well. "Reid, is everything okay?"

Reid stopped and took a deep breath, he opened his eyes and nodded. "I'm fine, I just had a little moment. I'm okay, let's just go."

Garcia nodded and began to walk with Reid's hand tightly held in her own. They stopped at the crossing and waited. Reid jumped slightly as a car honked it's horn, he walked faster across the road and felt surprised as Garcia kept up with his pace. He felt a little better as they entered the park. He preferred the open space. They began to walk slowly through the park. Reid felt more relaxed with each step he took and smiled as he felt the sun on his skin.

"I see a smile," Garcia said happily. Reid let out a small laugh causing Garcia's smile to grow even bigger.

"It's nice to be out of the apartment," Reid smiled. He looked over to Morgan and saw Morgan was also smiling.

"I have a little surprise for you," Garcia said nervously. "He wanted to see you so much and I could resist him."

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked, confusion in his eyes.

"Uncle Spence," Henry voice shouted. Reid looked ahead and found his godson running towards him, he automatically put out his arms and scooped Henry into his arms. He was confused for a moment. When he had picked up Henry, it was like his body was on autopilot. "Are you better now?"

Reid looked to Garcia for reassurance he could stay calm, she nodded and smiled. JJ came and stood in front of them with a grin on her face.

"I'm better now, Henry. I was expecting to see you," Reid said as he smiled at his godson.

"Surprise!" Henry laughed. Reid let out a laugh and felt happier as he felt Henry wrap his arms around his neck and hug him. "Mommy said that you was ill."

"I was but I feel better now," Reid assured his godson. Reid went to place Henry back on the ground but Henry held tightly onto Reid. Reid lifted Henry up again and placed him on his hip.

"Reid, why don't you walk ahead? Morgan and I just need to talk to JJ," Garcia suggested.

"Um..are you sure?" Reid asked, he felt nervous being responsible for Henry on his own.

"Reid, we are sure," JJ smiled at him. "We can see you and we will only be a minute or two. I trust you."

Reid nodded and began to walk with Henry in his arms down the pathway. Morgan went to follow but Garcia and JJ held him back.

"Morgan, he is okay," Garcia said. "We can see him from here and you know that Reid would do anything and everything in this world to protect Henry. He'll be fine."

Morgan reluctantly stepped back but kept his eyes focused on Reid and Henry.

**Reid**

Reid used everything he had inside of him to keep himself calm. The nerves of being responsible for Henry jittered inside of him. He glanced back at the group and noticed Morgan keeping watch of them. He felt better knowing that Morgan was there. He was thankful for the chance though, the chance to prove that he could still be who he used to be.

"Look!" Henry said as he pointed to the tree where a squirrel was running up along the branch. "He is so fast."

"That type of squirrel hides its food, each squirrel is estimated to make over seven thousand small places where they hide their food. They leave it for days even months," Reid explained as he pointed at the squirrel.

Henry let out a small laugh before touching Reid's forehead. "Mommy says your brain never goes off. You are super smart."

Reid smiled and looked back to JJ, he turned back to face Henry and began to walk again.

"Uncle Spence, I've missed you. Mommy said I couldn't see you. I wanted to see you," Henry said in a small voice. "Don't get ill again. I miss you when you ill. Love you."

Reid felt his heart ache as he remembered being in the kitchen, he remembered his own words. They echoed in his mind.

'Henry doesn't need me.'

He felt guilt run through at him as he thought about how Henry would have felt if he had succeeded in hurting himself, if he had succeeded in killing himself. He would have left his godson with the pain of losing someone at a young age. He imagined how angry Henry might have been when he was older and understood what he had done. He loved his godson regardless of how screwed up he felt his mind was. The image of Henry standing at a grave and cry came to the front of his mind.

"Uncle Spencer, you're crying," Henry said as he wiped his small hand under Reid's cheek. Reid balanced him on his hip and wiped his cheek to find that his cheek was wet with tears. Reid blinked his eyes and stopped crying as best he could. "Why you crying?"

"I'm okay, Henry," Reid smiled sadly. "I just realised that I almost did something very, very stupid."

**Please review**


	43. Chapter 43

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are all wonderful and brilliant. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistake are my own**

**A few hours later**

Reid sat on the end of the bed, his mind deep in thought. He tried to focus his mind, he wanted to focus it the way that he used to. Deep down, he knew that it was possible and he knew what was stopping him. There was too much horror for him to face in order to get his mind back to normal. Horror he didn't want to face and some horrors that the team knew nothing about. Ones from his childhood that scared and had scarred him mentally. He wasn't ready to confront them yet. He needed time and he was happy that the team was giving him that time. He took a deep breath and untied his tie, he placed it on the bed. Taking off his short and vest, he stood up and looked at his body in the mirror. He turned around and looked at the bottom of his back to see the word failure carved into his back. He stared at the cuts on his back for a few seconds before looking away. Quickly grabbing a long-sleeved top from his bag, he slipped it on and was thankful for the cover that it gave him. Reid glanced at the wireless phone handset next to the bed.

He grabbed the handset and dialled the number for Bennington sanitarium. He sat against the bedroom and door and waited for an answer.

"Bennington, how may I direct your call?"

Reid explained who he was to the woman on the phone and felt both excited and nervous as he waited for his mother to come to the phone. He felt a rush run through his heart as his mother answered the phone. "Spencer, is that you?"

Reid took a deep breath before talking. "Hey mom, it's me. It's Spencer."

"It's wonderful to hear from you. I love your letters but hearing your voice is so much better. I remember your first word, you were so small but you had spark in your eyes that was eager for knowledge. How are you enjoying your vacation? Your last letter made me smile. I have no doubt that you are reading non-stop," Diana's voice said down the phone.

Reid felt confusion at his mother's words. He had never mentioned a vacation in the last letter he had written to his mother. He had not contacted his mother with a letter since his injury. He decided to go along with his mother's words.

"I'm enjoying my vacation and I'm getting a lot of reading done. I spent some time with my godson today, he kept laughing at how quick the squirrels were. How are you, mum?"

"I have my good and bad days. Today is good day now that you have called. They have changed my medication and I'm trying to get used to it," she said down the phone. Her voice sounded sad causing guilt to run through his heart.

"Mom, can I ask you a question?" Reid said in a small voice.

"Anything."

"Do you hate me for putting you in Bennington? I took you away from your home and I feel so guilty for doing it. I just need to know. Do you hate me?"

"Spencer, I'm safe here. A mother should care for her son and I couldn't do that for you. I'm so sorry for putting you through what I put you through when you were younger. I remember finding you in the oddest places. You were crying and when I held you, you were always scared for a time. I don't know what I did but I'm sorry. I don't hate you, Spencer. I could never hate you. I will always love you. A mother will always love her son. Spencer, you did the right thing placing me here. I needed to help and being here gives me that help and it also gives you the chance to build a life of your own. Spencer, always know that I love you. I could never hate you," Diana explained down the phone, her voice sweet and calming.

Reid wiped his eyes of the tears as he felt forgiven for placing his mother in Bennington.

"I love you too, mom," Reid's said, his voice shaking as he struggled to keep the fact he was crying out of his voice. "I just needed to know."

"Spencer, are you upset? Are you crying?" Diana asked with worry.

"No," Reid lied.

"Spencer, don't lie to me. A mother knows, a mother always knows," Diana said down the phone.

**Morgan - Ten minutes later**

Morgan placed the takeaway food on the kitchen table. Hotch had arrived to check on Reid and was staying for dinner along with JJ and Henry. Morgan looked to the door and felt concerned at how long Reid had been in his room.

"Garcia, he has been in there for a long time. Should I go and get him?" Morgan asked as he set out the plates.

"I'll get him!" Henry said happily before running to Reid's door. JJ quickly followed after Henry.

Henry knocked against the Reid's door. "Uncle Spence, food!"

Reid opened the door to show his eyes red and full of sadness. Henry reached up for Reid to pick him up and Reid happily picked up his godson. Henry wrapped his arms around Reid as he carried him to the kitchen. Morgan noticed that Reid had changed and exchanged a look with Garcia. Morgan watched as Reid placed Henry in a chair and helped him scoop some food onto Henry's plate. JJ took over when Reid asked her to.

"Morgan, Hotch, can I speak with you?" Reid asked before walking into the living room. Morgan followed with Hotch to the living room and wondered what Reid wanted.

"Reid, is everything okay?" he asked.

"Which one of you is sending my mother letters pretending to be me?" Reid asked. Morgan frowned as Reid mentioned the letters. He hoped that Reid would not have found out till her was a bit better.

"I am, are you angry?" Morgan asked carefully. Reid smiled and shook his head surprising him.

"I'm not angry. Thank you for doing it. I wasn't ready or capable of sending her letters. I was afraid that she was worried and angry at me. I just called her now. The handset was in the bedroom," Reid explained. "It was nice to talk to her. She doesn't blame me for sending her to Bennington. She told me it was the right thing to do for her and for me. I just feel so much better."

Morgan and Hotch smiled as they watched a sense of relief come over Reid.

"You did the right thing, Reid. Come on, let's get some food in you," Morgan smiled as he put an arm around Reid and began to lead him to the kitchen.

"Is it okay if I call my mum again? Later in the week," Reid asked.

"Of course you can call her," Morgan smiled. "If she makes you feel happier, you can call her whenever you want."

** Please review**


	44. Chapter 44

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, you are all wonderful and brilliant. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistake are my own**

**A few days later**

Reid walked over to the couch and sat next to Garcia, he watched as she looked away from her laptop and into his eyes. He gave her a small smile before leaning back into the couch. He had been distant for the last few days but he had a reason. He was trying to process everything that had happened in his life and process how much the recent traumatic events in his life had affected him. He was ready to move on in his life but he needed help. He needed someone to listen to him. Everything inside of him needed to come out. As long as he kept the bad memories in, he was going to keep the good things out. It was time for change and he was determined to make it happen.

"Garcia, can we talk?" Reid asked. Garcia immediately closed her laptop and placed it on the table. She looked back to him and smiled.

"I'm all yours."

"I know that I have been withdrawn the last couple of days but I needed to think through everything. When we went to the park and I was alone with Henry. He said that he didn't want me to get ill again because he missed me. He told me he loved me," Spencer said.

"Of course he loves you," Garcia said gently. "He loves having his godfather around to be there for him and to tell him every random fact in the world."

"I know and when he said that, it hit me hard. At that moment, I realised how stupid I was in that kitchen, I fully realised how stupid I was putting that knife to my wrist. I would have left Henry without a godfather. I keep imagining how much he would hate me when he was older if I had succeeded in killing myself. I keep thinking. How could I do that to him? I was going to leave him with the memory of someone close to him dying. He would have felt pain. I always promised myself that I would only bring happiness and joy to Henry's life and I almost broke that promise. I almost caused him the pain of losing someone close to him. I'm so sorry, Garcia. I'm so sorry that I tried to leave you," Reid apologised, his face hidden behind his long fringe.

Garcia leaned forward and brushed his fringe out of his face. She lifted his head and smiled gently when Reid into her eyes, almost afraid that Garcia was going to yell at him.

"Henry loves you, we all love you. Reid, when we saw you with that knife, you have no idea how afraid and scared we were for you. We never thought that you would try and leave us that way. I'm happy that you realise what you did and that it was wrong for you to try and do that. We will do everything and anything in this world to keep you safe but you have to let us help you. You need support from us and you need to accept that support. We forgive you for what you tried to do but never ever do it again. I'm here for you, just talk to me. I want you to let it all out."

"Garcia, I can't stop myself from fearing every step that I take outside of this apartment. I'm afraid of my shadow most of the time. All my life, something has been there to hurt me. My father hurt me by leaving me and mom. My mom hurt me even though she didn't remember hurting me. She locked me in a closet, she shouted at me and she even abandoned me once. I was eleven and we left the house for a walk because I thought she was having a good day. She left me all alone in the park, I searched for her because I thought someone may have hurt her. Instead, I got home and she brandished a knife at me. She accused me of not being her Spencer. I don't blame her for what happened but it's hard to forget," Reid explained tearfully.

"I was beaten and bullied to hell in school and I was even targeted when I was in college. I was the target of pranks. I struggled for a long time to try and make it through each day and there came a point where it began to get too much for me. I had considered a few things. Lucky for me though, I found someone to help me. Gideon came and helped me. He showed me a way and that way was the BAU."

"Oh, Reid," Garcia sighed. She moved closer to him and placed her arm around him.

"When I was accepted into the BAU, I thought certain things would be different. They did change but the danger was still there. The danger of going into the field, the danger of knowing that my memory would capture every horrific detail and never forget it. I was rejected by some because of my age. Some people were angry with me for taking a position that they thought should have been their position. I've struggled my entire life and I'm beginning to get tired. Hankel cursed me to forever remember addiction and to fear needles. I've seen people shot in front of me, almost blown up, infected with anthrax, shot and almost killed because I was just trying to help people. I didn't deserve to be kidnapped and hooked up to that machine."

Garcia saw that Reid was beginning to get upset and rubbed circles around his back to try and calm him. "Reid, slow down. Don't rush. Take you time."

"No, I need to get this out. Garcia, why does the world keep trying to hurt me? I can still feel Abraham's hand on my neck pressing me into the bed, I can feel the scratch of the needle when he was injecting me with all that stuff. When I was convulsing on that floor, a small whisper in the back of my mind was telling me all the pain was finally over. How can I move on when I afraid of everything?"

"Reid, you will be able to move on because you have the team, your family, behind you. We will be with you every step of the way and we will protect you. You need to take these steps forward to get back into life. You can't stay cooped up in the apartment. I saw how much you opened up when you were in the park with Henry. We will all help you move on and let the world back in. We will take it a step a time."

"Do you think I will ever get back the part of me that could make sense of the world?" Reid asked gently.

"Reid, that part of you is still inside of you. He is just waiting at the top of the steps that we need go through. He is waiting and we will get that part back. I know you've been through so much pain. I am going to make sure that you never feel the fear or pain that you have been through recently. We are going to get through this. I promise."

**Please review**


	45. Chapter 45

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I'm sorry for it being short but time is not on my side today. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all super marvellous and amazing. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**One month later**

"Hotch, I'm not sure that this is a good idea," Garcia whispered to Hotch in the front seat. She quickly glanced back and smiled as she watched Reid listening repeating words. She had downloaded the audio book for him, he was trying to learn Mandarin. Garcia was happy about the progress that Reid had made over the last month, he was doing better than any of the team could have imagined. He was sinking himself back into books and trying to learn new things. He had started to spend more and more time with Henry and Garcia knew he was spending time with Henry because of what he almost did. He wanted to give Henry happy memories and Garcia knew he was trying to do that. He still had moments that made the team worry, moments that required them to intervene and help. He was still repeating words, having violent nightmares and occasionally forgetting things.

"Garcia, he wants to do this. You keep telling us to give him what he needs and to help him open up to the world again. He wants to go to the shooting range. I think he wants to do this to try and prove something. I know that he nothing to prove but I think he wants to prove to himself that he can do this. I'm going to be at his side the entire time," Hotch said quietly to Garcia. "The moment I think that something is wrong, I will take control and bring him back to the car.

Hotch pulled into the car park and cut the engine off. Reid pulled out his headphones and smiled gently at Hotch.

"Reid, are you sure you want to do this?" Garcia questioned, her voice full of concern.

"I want to do this, I just want to know if I can still do it or if I need to learn to do it again. I want to be able to defend myself if someone tries to hurt me again," Reid answered.

"Reid, it will be a long time before you are allowed to have a gun again. When and if you return to work, it will be decided if you are fit to handle a firearm," Hotch said.

"I know but Morgan has one in his safe," Reid replied. "When I stay over his house, it's nice to know that it is there. I can defend myself if I need to."

"Reid, do you know the code to the safe?" Garcia asked as she turned in her seat and looked at him. Reid hesitated for a moment. "Spencer, tell me the truth."

"I know the code," Reid answered honestly. "I wouldn't try to do anything. You know I would never try to end my life again."

"We know," Garcia smiled at him. "You've come so far in the last month and you are going to continue to get better. I'll be waiting in the car for you both. Loud guns make me jump and you two need to have some man time."

"What are you going to do while we are in there?" Reid asked. Garcia leaned down and pulled her laptop from her bag.

"I am going to do some work," Garcia smiled gently. "Be careful in there, Reid."

"I will," Reid smiled back at her. "See you in an hour."

Reid opened the door and jumped out of the car.

"Keep a close eye on him, Hotch," Garcia ordered. Hotch looked to her and nodded. He knew that he was the leader of the team at the BAU but when it came down to the team as a family, Garcia was the leader. She was the mother of the team. Hotch jumped out the car and closed the door.

Garcia watched her them go into the building. She reached down and brought her cellphone out of her pocket. Dialling Morgan's number, she waited for him to answer.

"Hello," Morgan answered.

"Morgan, it's Garcia. When you get home, I need you to change the code on your safe. Reid knows it and he know you have a gun in there. I trust him but I'm not taking any risks."

**Hotch - Fifteen minutes later**

Hotch stood back and watched Reid hold the revolver in his hands. He stayed near if anything began to happen. He noticed that the gun shook slightly in Reid's hands but after Reid took a deep breath, the gun steadied slightly. Hotch watched as Reid pulled the trigger a few times. Reid's aim was not very good, he had only hit the outer edges of the target. Reid placed the gun down on the table and stepped back. Frustration clear in his actions.

Hotch stepped forward and placed a hand on Reid's shoulder.

"It's okay," Hotch called over the noise of the two other people shooting.

"No, it isn't," Reid shouted. "I can't do anything!"

Hotch picked up the gun and placed six bullets inside of it, he reloaded the revolver and pulled Reid to face a new target.

"Take a deep breath," Hotch coached. "Imagine it to be someone that hurt you if it helps."

Reid nodded and took the gun from Hotch's hand. Hotch stepped away and watched as Reid looked at the target for a few moments before raising the gun. Reid tightened his grip on the gun and pulled the trigger. Each bullet hitting the target was better than the last. Hotch stepped forward when he noticed Reid still pulling the trigger even though there was no ammo. He took the gun from Reid's hand and saw angry tears in Reid's eyes. Reid wiped them away and turned to Hotch.

"Hotch, I want to go home," Reid said, his voice shaking. "Take me home, please."

"Come on, let's get you home," Hotch said as he placed the gun down and walked Reid out of the shooting range.

**Please review**


	46. Chapter 46

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all super marvellous and amazing. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Hotch kept one arm around Reid as they made their way back to the car. The visible shaking of Reid's body scared Hotch, he wished that he had listened to Garcia. Something broke open inside of Reid and it was his fault. Hotch unlocked the car and opened the back door. He looked up to see Garcia's surprised expression at their early return.

"What are you guys doing back so soon?" Garcia asked before her focus settled on Reid, she shut her laptop and placed it on the front seat. "Reid, what's wrong? What happened?"

"I just want to go home," Reid said, his nervous and shaking. "Please, I just want to go home."

"Garcia, can you sit with him back here?" Hotch asked, he didn't want Reid alone in the back seat. Reid needed comfort and Garcia was the only one who could do that. Garcia immediately unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way out of the car. She opened the back door and slid in next to Reid, she brought her arm around him. Reid quickly grabbed her hand and held it. Garcia held his hand back.

"Reid, what happened?" Garcia asked as Hotch jumped into the driver's seat and started the car. Garcia buckled herself in and resumed holding Reid's hand and comforting him. Reid continued to stay silent, he simply laid his head against Garcia's shoulder and closed his eyes. His heavy breathing calming with each moment he kept his eyes closed. Garcia looked at Hotch, a silent message passing between the two of them.

'We will talk about this later.'

**Thirty minutes later**

Reid laid on his bed, he felt numb and scared as he stared at the wall. He could hear Garcia and Hotch arguing outside his door. He brought a pillow across his head to block out the noise. Reid closed his eyes and focused his thoughts on what had happened at the gun range. He had lost control. The memories that had stayed at the back of his mind , the worst memories of all, had taken over for a split second. Anger had taken over him. With the gun in his hand, all he remembered was seeing all the men that had hurt him. With each squeeze of the trigger, he imagined killing them for what they had done to him. He wanted to kill the people that had caused him to feel like a shell. He hated how much he lost control back at the shooting range. He thought he had done so well over the last month. In one single moment, he had unravelled some of his hard work. Hearing the faint noise of his door opening, he removed the pillow and looked up to see Garcia standing above him.

"Why were you and Hotch arguing?" he asked.

"It's okay, we are just talking about what happened today. He is on the phone now," Garia explained as she sat on the side of the bed. She leaned over and stroked her hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," Reid apologised. "It's my fault."

"Oh honey, its okay. Are you ready to talk about what happened?" Garcia asked. Reid nodded his head gently but remained laying on the bed, his head buried in his pillow.

"I lost control. I lost control and it scared me. I've always been able to keep myself stable when holding a gun but when I was holding the gun at the range, something snapped inside of me. I imagined everyone that had hurt me and caused me to be this and I squeezed that trigger. I let the anger take over. I let myself lost control and become a monster. I don't want to lose control. I can't be a FBI agent again if I picture every unsub as my ultimate enemy. I know that the law has to be followed but in that split moment, I didn't care about the law. All I thought about at the moment was every horrible thing that had happened to me. I remember the electrodes being placed on my head, Dr Pine trying to kill me. I felt Abraham's hand on my neck pushing me into the bed, his knife carving into his back and the drugs being forced on me. I remembered everything and let the anger inside of me, every detail of anger burst forth," Reid said, his voice deep with anger.

He scrunched his hand around his pillow and made a fist. "I lost control and I shouldn't have. Life needs to be controlled and I don't deserve to be given the freedom you are giving me if I can't stay focused."

"Reid, I'll be honest with you. I didn't think that you were ready to go to that gun range but I didn't want to stop you from making the decision to go. We all lose control in life but we just have to remember that losing control has consequences. You are rebuilding your life and it takes time to rebuild the control within yourself. The next time you get angry, I want you to think of Henry," Garcia said.

"Why Henry?" Reid questioned.

"Sweetheart, I want you to think of Henry and I want you to think about what would happen if you lost control around Henry. I know that you would never do anything to hurt or make Henry sad. Your anger needs control and you are at your calmest when you are with Henry. Just think about him and how much he means to you. You can learn to control your anger that way."

Reid understood what he needed to do then. He had to remember what he cared about in life and what would happen if he let the anger take over his life. He wanted to keep what he loved in life and he needed to find ways to regain control.

"I understand," Reid nodded.

Garcia was about to speak when Hotch came to the door, a worried expression on his face.

"Hotch, what's wrong?" Reid asked.

"Prentiss just called. Ross Griffin has information on other murders but isn't willing to give information on them. He is looking for a deal. Reid, he wants to see you. He says that if you see him and speak with him, he will give the families the information on where the bodies are."

**Please review**


	47. Chapter 47

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all wonderful, brilliant and amazing. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid gripped the blanket beneath him, he closed his eyes and visualised the last moments before the searing pain entered his mind. He remembered the eyes of Ross looking down at him, he remembered Ross's brother hitting him across the face. Ross's rough hands yanking his head up and taunting him about what he was going to to. He felt to gentle arms wrap around him, he recognised them immediately. Garcia leaned down and whispered in his hair.

"Reid, you don't have to speak with him. You don't have to go and speak with him. You can stay here and be safe," Garcia whispered in his ear. "I know you are scared, you don't have to see or speak with him. The team will get the information another way."

Reid lifted his head up and shook his head. "No, they won't. Ross won't give them any information. I don't want to see him but I don't want the families of the his other victims to be left wondering what happened to their loved ones. Oh god! They killed more people."

"Reid, you don't have to do this," Hotch said. "I don't want you to feel forced into seeing him. We will question his brother. His brother may know about the other murders and where the victims are buried."

"You know he won't, Hotch," Reid snapped as he came up from the bed. "I wanted to leave this behind me and instead I'm being dragged back into hell. I don't want to see Ross but I don't want to be responsible for the families not being able to rest. He did this to me. Ruined, ruined, ruined."

"Reid, calm down," Garcia urged. Reid stopped repeating and grabbed his head.

"He is always going to be there in my head. Why can't that be enough for him? Why does he have to see me?" Reid said angrily as he grabbed fistfuls of his hair.

"Hotch, go back to that bastard and tell him Reid isn't seeing him," Garcia said as she stepped forward to try and calm him down. He stepped away from her, he didn't want to be touched. "Hotch, look at what this is doing to him. He can't see Ross."

"I know he can't, I'll go back and see if I can arrange a different deal. He has already been sentenced to life. He just wants to see Reid to torment him," Hotch said before he opened his phone to call Morgan at the prison.

"I'll do it," Reid whispered as he brought his hands down from his head. "He won't agree to another deal. Not after everything he went through to try and destroy my mind. I don't want to do it but he'll keep asking. The longer I don't face, the longer those families are haunted. I accept the pain and the fear but I won't let families suffer."

"Reid, no!" Garcia pleaded. "How are you going to feel when you are in that room? You are shaking just thinking about going to see him. Think about what this will do to you. You've come so far. You lost control of your anger today just picturing him. Are you capable of controlling you anger when you are inside that room? Seeing you lose control is just what he will want. He wants you to be afraid, he wants to torment you."

"He isn't only tormenting me though," Reid shouted back. "He is tormenting the families. I will not be selfish and make them live the rest of their lives with no idea of what happened. I am an FBI agent, at least I was. I will do this but I will never see him again. I can only do this once."

"Reid, are you sure?" Hotch asked.

"I'm sure. Just pull me out of there when I tell you to. Or when I need to be pulled out," Reid asked, his hands still shaking at the thought of seeing the man who flipped the switch and caused him so much pain and misery.

"I will," Hotch promised.

**Two hours later**

Reid walked behind Hotch nervously. Garcia was by his side and holding onto his hand. He was so thankful for her at that moment, she was the only person anchoring him down. All he wanted to do is run away and never stop. The further he was from Ross, the better. Reid followed Hotch through the door to see Morgan and Emily through the glass that showed the interrogation room. Reid's eyes focused on Ross, the man of his nightmares. In that one moment, he was facing the man that had almost turned him into a broken shell. Hotch gave Reid a comforting smile and walked into the interrogation room. Reid watched as Hotch spoke with Ross. Reid walked forward and pressed the speaker button to hear them.

"I take it by your arrival that a certain person has arrived," Ross grinned as he leaned back in his chair, the handcuffs connecting him to the table rattled with the movement.

"You know the deal, Ross," Morgan said stoically, only a small spark of anger in his voice. Reid admired how strong Morgan was being in front of the man that had stabbed him. "We want the locations of each victim first."

"How about this?" Ross smirked. "I'll give you all the locations of the victims but one. When I speak with him, I'll tell you the last location."

"No, you give us all the names," Hotch demanded.

"You know you won't win this," Ross laughed. "Accept the deal and let me see him or I won't tell you anything."

"You have a deal," Hotch said through gritted teeth. "Write them down first. Don't lie either."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Ross said in sarcastic tone.

A few minutes passed as Ross wrote down the location of seven of the eight victims he had taunted them with. Hotch brought the list out of the room and looked up at Reid.

"Can I see?" Reid asked, his voice tight and upset. Hotch handed over the notepad. Reid looked at the names, his eyes focused on two of the names. "These names both have the same surname."

"They were sisters. The parents only children. Reid, are you sure about this?" Hotch said as he looked at Reid. Reid's hand were shaking. "Reid, I know that you are scared."

"I'm scared but now I'm angry," Reid said through gritted teeth as he looked up at Hotch, his eyes wide with anger and hate. "All these people. He killed all these people, he took away their lives and broke their families hearts. He tried to break my mind but he didn't succeed. He only fractured it. I knew he was evil but this is unbelievable. Fucking bastard!"

Hotch felt disbelief as he heard Reid swear.

Reid threw the notepad onto the table and stormed towards the door. He pushed open the door and came face to face with Rossi. He ignored Morgan and Emily's shocked expression.

"You want to talk to me," Reid snapped. "Let's talk."

**Please review**


	48. Chapter 48

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all wonderful, brilliant and amazing. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Morgan rose quickly up from his chair and rushed over to Reid. He tried to pull Reid out of the door but Reid pushed Morgan's hands off him. Reid stepped forward tentatively, his body showing a sense of fear while his face and eyes showed anger.

"Reid, come outside and calm down. Don't let him do this to you," Morgan urged as he tried to move his Reid out of the room.

"I want to do this," Reid said to Morgan as he moved further into the interrogation room. "It'll be okay. Wait outside for me."

"You heard him, Agent Morgan. He is as eager as I am to talk," Ross grinned. "Hello Spencer, ready to chit-chat."

Emily stood up from her chair and looked at Reid, she walked over and squeezed his shoulder.

"We'll be right outside watching. Just call and we will come and help you. Don't let him get you. I know that you are brave and you can do this. Don't let him win," Emily whispered in his ear. Reid nodded gently and walked forward to the chair, he sat down in the chair at the table. His eyes never moving away from Ross. Reid heard the door shut and felt the eyes of Hotch, Garcia, Morgan and Emily on him through the glass.

"I'm here and I'm waiting," Reid said in a strong voice.

Ross smiled at him. Quickly shooting forward, Ross pulled his handcuffs causing a loud bang to ring around the room. Reid couldn't help jumping at the sound. Letting out a sadistic laugh, Rossi leaned back into his chair. "Sorry Spencer, I just had to see if you were still afraid of me. It warms me to know that you still shiver and jump at the thought of me."

"I may be afraid but my fear is my own. I won't be afraid forever, I'll wake up one day and think of you as a distant memory," Reid said in a flat, calm voice. He repressed the fear inside of him but it was taking so much inside of him to keep it down. "I'm angry. I could accept being a victim, I could deal with rebuilding my life slowly but seeing all those names on that piece of paper. All the people you murdered and buried. That makes me furious."

"They were toys and nothing more. I remember each and every one of them. Each distinct scream and each one's voice begging my brothers and I to stop hurting them. My brother, Evan, had particular fun with the women. Our fun with you was different though Spencer, it was wonderful watching you scream, shout and beg for Agent Morgan to come and save you. Prison is nothing for me, I'm content with the knowledge that Agent Hotchner and Agent Rossi blame themselves every single day for what happened to you. My only failure in my entire life was failing to turn you into a drooling shell. Seeing you like this is better though, I can see every emotion in your eyes. The anger and hate fighting with the fear. I still haunt your memories and I revel in it," Ross smiled at Reid.

"You killed them and you use me as nothing more than a pawn," Reid snapped angrily. "I hope those memories last because for the rest of your life, you're going to be locked in a prison. It may be nothing now but I know how you will feel in the years to come. I know that hiding in the corner of your prison is someone worst than you and that he will play with you. He will haunt your memories. Agent Hotchner and Agent Rossi know that I don't blame for what happened to me. I don't blame them and that is all that matters. You haunt my memories now but have no doubt in this. Within the next year, I will close my eyes and see nothing but good in my dreams. I'll be dreaming of you rotting away. Tell me the last location of the last victim."

"Of course," Ross grinned at Reid, a grin that disturbed Reid greatly. "She is an barrell. Her location is the warehouse we kept you prisoner. She is going to have a few maggots eating away at her by now."

"Why? Why did you do it? Why kill them?" Reid asked, his voice shaking as the rush from his anger was subsiding. The fear was beginning to win again.

"I killed them because it was fun. Growing up the way my brothers and I did, killing was the only release. I watched my mother die. I had nothing but hate in my heart from that day. There is no love in the world. Only evil, disaster and blood. I found each and every single victim better than the last. I enjoyed cutting them and starving them till they were willing to do anything for food. Do you know the funny thing?" Ross chuckled before leaning forward and staring into Reid's eye. "One of our victims was a test run for you. We fried the bastard's brain and watched him stare into space. We let him starve to death. He just sat there and ignored the world. Such a shame you didn't receive the same fate."

"You sick bastard," Reid said angrily. He rose up from his chair violently and slammed his hands on the table. "Everything is all your fault. You should die for what you did to me! For what you did you everyone!"

"There he is," Ross cackled. "There is the monster inside of you. GO ON! LET HIM OUT! LET HIM TURN YOU INTO ME!"

Reid barely registered the door slamming open or the hands dragging him away from attacking Ross.

"I will never be like you!" Reid screamed. "I hope you burn in hell!"

Ross continued to laugh hysterically as he watched Hotch and Morgan drag Reid out of the door.

Morgan kept him arms around Reid as he continued to struggle violently.

"Reid, calm down. It's okay!" Morgan called as he held onto Reid. Reid turned around and shoved Morgan back.

"Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again so stop lying. All you of lie to me!" Reid said angrily. "He is right. There is a monster inside of me and I can't control the anger in that monster. Leave me alone and don't follow me!"

Reid stormed out of the room and down the corridor. Morgan ran after him and stopped him as he left through the exit door. "Reid, come back inside."

"Leave me alone!" Reid yelled. "Why can't any of you give me peace?"

"I'm not leaving you alone. I'll take you home," Morgan said as he tried to take Reid's arm.

"I can get home by myself," Reid snapped. "Stop trying to save me. You failed to do that before so stop trying now."

Morgan removed his hand from Reid's arm and stepped back. "Reid, what do you mean by that?"

"I'm sick of pretending everything is okay. You know what Morgan, you failed to save me. I was trapped in that room with no idea what was happening. You failed to save me. It's your fault they dragged me to that room and screwed up my head. You should have fought harder. I looked for you to protect me and you didn't. Just leave me alone! Stop trying to save what can't be saved."

**Please review**


	49. Chapter 49

**Hey everyone. First, I am so sorry about not updating yesterday. I was not feeling very well and I had a huge headache thanks to my head meeting the corner of cabinet at a force. I am really sorry. I know my updates have not been perfect but I hope you will still stay with me and keep reading as I try to keep my daily updates going. Really sorry again. I hope you enjoy this chapter. There are about six chapters left to this story. They will be long from now on. I will be starting a new fanfic on Friday. I have three ideas and I'm torn between which on to do. My brain is practically buzzing with new ideas. I am going to post a poll on my profile page and let you all decide. **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are all amazing and awesome. Thank you again!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Five hours later**

Morgan stormed back into Garcia's apartment with Hotch right behind him. Garcia came into the living room, the hope in her heart fell when she didn't see Reid with Morgan and Hotch.

"Still no sign?" Garcia sighed, she paced quickly up and down the living room as she struggled to keep calm. JJ stepped forward and put a comforting hand on Garcia's shoulder to stop her pacing.

"No, he isn't anywhere. We checked all the bookstores, the libraries, the park. We have checked everywhere. This is all my fault!" Morgan said angrily. He sat down on a nearby chair and rubbed his tired eyes in frustration and anger. "I let him run away, I ran after him but I lost him in the crowd. I should have kept him safe with me. Anything could have happened to him."

"Reid has been getting better, he should be okay," Emily said, even though she didn't believe her own words.

"Emily, he is in a fragile state now. You saw how he was after speaking with Ross, he lost control. If we had left him in that interrogation room for a few more seconds, I have no doubt he would have attacked Ross Griffin," Morgan snapped angrily. "I'm sorry for snapping but I'm worried about Reid."

"I understand, we are all worried about him," Emily said to Morgan.

Morgan was about to speak when a cellphone's ring filled the room. Morgan looked up at Garcia as she answered her phone.

"Penelope Garcia speaking."

Garcia's face immediately changed into one of shock and hope. "I accept the charges. Please put him through."

Garcia brought her phone away from her ear and placed it on speakerphone. Morgan quickly rose up from his chair as Reid's voice came down the phone.

"G-Garcia, is that you?" Reid's voice echoed around the room.

"It's me, Reid. Sweetheart, where are you? Are you safe?" Garcia asked quickly. "We've all been so worried about you."

"I'm outside a bar called Maky's. I-I can't remember how to get home. I'm so sorry I ran away from Morgan. I'm so sorry about everything," Reid cried gently down the phone. "There are lots of people and some keep shouting taunts at me. It's really cold. Please, please, can you come and get me?"

"We are on your way," Garcia assured Reid down the phone. "Stay away from the people shouting at you, stay in view of the public. We will be right there. Stay on the phone with me."

"Where is Maky's?" Rossi said.

"That's at least five miles away, how the hell did he get that far?" Morgan said as he raced out of the door with the entire team behind him. Morgan, Garcia, Hotch and Emily took one SUV while Rossi and JJ took JJ's car. Morgan turned the car on and pulled into traffic.

**Reid - Five minutes later**

Reid stayed huddled near the payphone. He tried to ignore the drunken taunts from a group of men across the street but found his fear increasing. Every part of him was hoping that they wouldn't cross the street and come over to him. He jumped as a car blared its horn.

"Come over and party with us, skinny boy!" one of the drunken men yelled across the street. Reid's grip on the phone tightened.

"Garcia, please hurry. The people that keep shouting at me are getting closer. They are huge, I can't fight them," Reid pleaded down the phone.

"We are coming as fast as we can, we are almost there. Hotch has even put the sirens on," Garcia's voice said. "Reid, what have you been doing for the last few hours? We have been looking for you everywhere. We've all been so worried about you."

"I've just been walking, I needed time to think. I didn't realise how far I had walked. I don't know why I can't remember how to get home. I'm really sorry for leaving. I was just so angry and scared after speaking to Ross. Garcia, they did a test run on another man. They turned him into a vegetable and let him starve to death. It's my fault that man is dead. I should have been the one to die, not him. All those people Ross killed."

Reid heard Garcia gasped down the phone. "Reid, that man's death wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done. You didn't know what Ross or his brothers were planning. We are coming for you."

Reid was surprised when he heard Morgan's voice come down the phone. "Reid, Ross was the one that killed those people. There was nothing you could have done."

"Morgan, I'm so sorry about what I said to you. I know you hate me now. Please forgive me for what I said," Reid cried down the phone. He gripped the phone tighter as the drunken group crossed the street. He could hear a nearby siren and hoped it was the team. Reid was about to speak when an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him away from the phone. The phone slipped from Reid's hand. He struggled against the arm pulling him away from the phone.

"Get off me! Morgan, help!" Reid shouted at the phone as one of the drunken men put him down on the floor. Reid turned around and faced the group of drunken revellers. "Please, I don't want any trouble."

A dark-haired man stepped forward and ruffled Reid's hair. "Oh, come on, skinny boy. You look like someone just killed your cat. We can cheer you up. We can get you some you fun."

A siren blared around down the road. Reid tried to see if it was Morgan but he couldn't see as the group of men crowded around of him.

"My friends are picking me up. Just leave me alone!" Reid snapped angrily before turning around and trying to walk away. He winced as a hand wrapped around his wrist and yanked him back to face the group.

"Reid!"

Reid instantly recognised Morgan's voice call out his name.

"Morgan, I'm over here!" Reid yelled as he tried to pull away from the man. Reid watched Morgan storm over and pull the man away from him. Garcia, Hotch and Emily quickly ran over to him. Reid rushed towards Garcia and was thankful when she wrapped her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He shut out the yelling of Morgan and Hotch behind him. Garcia came away from the hug and pulled him away from the shouting match going on between Hotch, Morgan and the drunken revellers.

"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Garcia asked as she quickly checked him over.

"No, they just scared me. I'm okay," Reid assured her. Garcia put a comforting arm around Reid and guided him back to the car.

"Reid! Don't you ever run away again. We've been sick with worry!" Garcia said to Reid, her eyes admonishing him for his actions.

"I'm sorry," Reid said timidly.

"It's okay, let's just get you home," Garcia smiled at him. You are freezing! We will have to get you some hot chocolate."

**Please review**


	50. Chapter 50

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. It was supposed to be longer but time caught up with me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

**I have posted a poll on my profile page along with three ideas. I can't currently decide which one to do. Don't forget to vote and choose your favourite one. The plan is for the new fanfic to start on Friday so get the votes in quick!**

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Reid sat on the sofa, he kept his eyes to the floor as he felt the team staring at him. He knew that they were angry and disappointed with him. He was just thankful to be home and out of the cold. He was glad to be away from the large crowds. He felt frustrated with himself, he didn't know what he was going to do. He couldn't go back to being an agent if he couldn't stand up to a group of drunken men. Being an FBI agent required him to be strong, brave and able to focus in moments of danger. He wasn't able to do any of those things. He began to think about other options. He wasn't sure if he was able to be an FBI agent again. He had worked so hard to be who part of the BAU. Now, he faced losing everything he had worked for in his life. He needed to speak with the team but he knew that they wanted to talk to him about what had happened in the interrogation and talk to him about running away from them. He lifted his head to see the team still staring at me.

"I know that we need to talk," Reid said quietly.

"Reid, what you did tonight was reckless," Morgan said as he leaned forward from his chair. "We had no way of contacting you and no way of finding you. We looked everywhere that we thought you would be. You did the right thing calling us. You can't do what you did tonight again. It isn't safe for you. Plus, I don't think are hearts could take you running away again."

"I'm really sorry. I was just so angry and upset. Nothing was making sense then and I just needed space," Reid began to explain as he looked at Morgan. "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. I just don't know where to direct my anger after talking with Ross. Seeing him again, it brought everything back to the front of my mind. I remember him trying to make me think I was insane and then I remember this other side to him. His true self. He killed all those people and he did a test run on one of them. He put a man through hell, turned him into vegetable and then let him starve to death. That was supposed to me. Morgan, if you had not set yourself free and called Garcia, they would have kept me in a room where I would have sat in my filth till I had died."

"That didn't happen though," Morgan said gently. "The team came and rescued us. Ross is in prison for the rest of his life, so is his brother, Arthur. Reid, I didn't protect you though. I should have fought harder against the brothers, I should have made sure that Ross and his brother were restrained. You have no idea how hard it was to watch you get dragged away by Evan Griffin. I couldn't do anything to help you. Reid, you are like a little brother to me. I would do anything to protect you. I'm sorry that I didn't save you."

"Morgan, you did everything you could to save me. Ross stabbed you and left you for dead. Morgan, you have no idea how hard it was to be dragged away from you. Everyone in this room is worthy of being an agent in the FBI, I'm not. I never have been. My mind and my voice used to be my most powerful tools when talking with a unsub. My mind is broken and my voice is small. I don't think I should return as a FBI agent.

"Reid, no!" Garcia and JJ both gasped at his statement.

"Honestly, tell me what you think would happen if I was face to face with a unsub. I couldn't fight off drunken revellers tonight. What chance would I stand with an unsub? I have one option left and I think it would be the only chance I would have to be normal again."

"Reid, I'm not putting you into an institution," Hotch said defiantly.

"It isn't an institution. I've known about it for a few weeks. It's a centre for people who have been through traumatic events, it helps them deal with effects of the events and helps them rebuild their lives. I can leave the centre's care anytime I want. They don't force you to stay. I think it would be good for me to go there and continue getting better."

"Reid, we can take of you. Have we done something wrong?" Garcia asked, her voice showing pain and tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "You can stay here and get better."

"Garcia, look what happened tonight. I ran away from you all because I had to face the man who screwed up my head. I know I had to do it but I have to deal with the fallout of that meeting. I want everyone to listen. You have lives, you have friends and families who need your time. I know we are a family but family can't do everything for each other. I know that you taking care of me is affecting you all when you are on a case. You can't focus and whoever stays back to take care of me could be in the field. I have to go to this place and get better. It's not an institution. They won't force me to do anything I don't want to do and I can leave when I want. I've discussed this with my therapist. We both agreed it would better for everyone if I went to the centre and stayed there. It was tonight that made me decide. I don't want to lose control of my anger or my emotions anymore. I need help and I accept that now. I wish it was help that you could give me but you can't," Reid explained before taking in the faces of his team.

Garcia stood up from the couch and wiped her eyes. "Excuse me."

Garcia rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door. Reid jumped as the door slammed.

"She's upset with me, isn't she?" Reid asked the team.

"Reid, this is a big decision. You have to be sure about this. We are more than willing to take care of you," Emily said from her seat. "Garcia has taken care of you for a long time and she feels responsible for you. I think that by you wanting to go this centre, she feels like she has failed you."

"No, she hasn't. She's wonderful to me and she has taken amazing care of me," Reid said rapidly.

"Reid, what do you want to do?" Morgan asked. "You want your independence back. You want to be able to make your own decisions. This is the first step. Make the first decision."

Reid looked at the entire team and took a deep breath. "I'm going to move into the centre and get better. I want to get my life back on track. If I can get to a place where I feel I could a FBI Agent again, I will attempt to get my job back. If I can't reach that place, I'm going to have to find another path to take in my life. I hope you can all accept this. I have the money saved to go to the centre. I need to do this."

"Reid, I will cover the costs of the centre," Rossi said quickly. "Just make sure that you keep yourself safe and call us every single day."

"Rossi, you don't have to pay for it. The centre allows people to go out and have supervised visits. I can still see you all," Reid said.

"I am going to pay for it," Rossi replied. "Don't argue with me on that."

"Reid," Hotch called gently. "Did we fail you?"

"No, none of you failed me. You have done everything in the world to try to keep me safe. Hotch, I know that Jack misses you and I know that Henry wants JJ around more often. He told me that himself. Morgan, you missed your visit to your mother for her birthday. You all have lives and I want you to live them while I fix mine. I don't want to fix my life at the cost of all of yours," Reid explained.

"When do you want to start the centre?" Hotch asked.

"It's Friday today. Monday, I want to start on Monday," Reid said before running a hand through his hair. "Hotch, this is the best thing for me. I hope you can all understand that."

**Please review**


	51. Chapter 51

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to everyone that voted on my poll. It's now closed. The new fanfic is going to posted tomorrow. I am so excited to write it! Lucky for you all, I was able to replace my reading glasses so I could write this. Hard to read the screen without them. Love my new pair.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, they are amazing and brilliant. You are all wonderful! Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Monday evening**

Reid stood outside the centre facing the team, they had all just arrived back from the office. He hated seeing the sad look upon their faces. He looked back to the centre and saw a small, dark-haired nurse waiting for him at the door. Reid took a deep breath and faced the team again.

"I guess it's time for me to go in," Reid said sadly. "You can come and visit me when you want and I can start supervised visits in the next few days. Thank you for helping me settle in and getting my things packed away."

"We will come and visit you all the time and you can visit us day and night," Garcia said, her eyes on the edge of tears. "I know that they will take care of you better than I did. I'm sorry."

Reid stepped forward and brought Garcia into a hug. "Garcia, you look after me brilliantly. I just need to do this. This is the best way for us. I can get better and everyone can live their life properly. I know that you could all look after me but I don't want to place that on your shoulders. I don't know how long this is going to take. My recovery may take a short amount of time or a long amount of time. This placed will help me for as long as I need. I'll call you everyday. I promise I will."

Garcia came away from the hug and stroked her hand through his hair.

"You better," Garcia smiled gently. "If anything goes wrong or you want to leave. Just call me and I will race down here faster than light."

"She will, Reid," Morgan said from her side. "Take care of yourself, Reid. Call us for anything."

JJ stepped forward with a small teddy bear, one no bigger than Reid's hand and handed it to Spencer. "Henry wanted me to give this to you. I told him that you were going to be away for a while. He wanted you to have this. He said it would protect you."

Reid took the bear and couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as he held the bear. He held it in his hand and looked up at JJ. "Thanks JJ, tell Henry I'll keep it safe."

"Are you sure about this?" Hotch asked as he stepped forward.

"I'm sure," Reid nodded. "This is what I need to do. I can't keep waking up during the night and screaming. It isn't healthy. I need to find a way to control my nightmares and stopped myself from losing control of myself. My anger, my fear, they all need to be controlled. This place is going to help me while also giving me the comfort of knowing I can leave at anytime. I'll be fine. I need to do this to know if I can come back or not. Don't hold my place open, Hotch. Give another agent a chance. I'll come back if I can."

"Reid, you will come back. You are strong enough to get through this and come back," Emily encouraged.

"Reid, your position will be filled temporarily but if you choose to come back, which I hope you will, your place is there waiting for you. You have been part of the BAU for a long time. We take care of family. Reid, call us anytime you want and call us if you need anything. Take care of yourself," Hotch said before stepped forward and bringing Reid in a strong hug. Reid hugged him back for a few seconds before withdrawing from the hug. Reid walked up to Emily and said goodbye and did the same with Rossi. He stepped back and felt himself frozen for a moment. The fear of going somewhere unknown was stronger than he had ever felt before.

"See you soon," Reid said, his voice tight and worried. "Bye."

**Five minutes later**

Reid walked with the nurse towards his room. He had already packed away his things. All his clothing was there along with a large collection of books and other thing. Things from his home that made the transition easier for him. Garcia had added her own flair of things. He was just happy to be able to have the items. His assessment found that he wasn't a suicide risk. The centre had two units. A unit for those who had to stay till there mental state was better, that unit for people who had severe mental heath issues. His unit was voluntary. Unless he be deemed a risk to himself or others, he would maintain and keep the right to leave when he wanted. The nurse opened the door and smiled when she took in his room.

"Your friends certainly know how to decorate a room," the nurse smiled.

"They just wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. They always worry about me," Reid explained shyly.

"This is our biggest room. I'm sure you will be comfortable here. You have no dietary restrictions so you can visit our canteen area for whatever you need. You have your first session with Dr Briggs tomorrow. This is also for you," the nurse said before holding out a small notebook and handing it to him. "We encourage people to journal their experience here. It helps to write the things down. Some people can't always explain how they feel with words but they can always explain how they feel in their writing."

"Okay," Reid nodded.

"You will be placed on medication but they are very mild. Your notes say that you suffer from strong headaches, anxiety and sometimes you get scared. The medication we are giving you will help with the headache and we are giving you a mild anti-depressant to help."

"I can't have the antidepressant," Reid said quickly. "I can't have narcotics or anything that I could get addicted to. Past issues."

"Okay, we will find an alternative for you. Something suited to your needs. You won't start them till tomorrow," the nurse said as she placed a note on her clipboard. "We know you have other issues but we will help you with them. We encourage you to dress as you did before the incident that brought you here. We want you to feel safe here. After three days, you can go out for supervised visits. A nurse will come with you and bring you back. You have access to our computer room and we also have a library but I see your friends have already brought plenty of books for to read."

"I'm a bit worried about being here," Reid admitted.

"Please, don't feel worried," the nurse urged gently. "A lot of people have been helped here since the centre opened. Talk with other people here. Socialise with everyone and you will see that this is a good place. We don't push you to do anything you are not ready to do. We believe in giving people what they need but in their own time."

"I understand. I came here because I wanted my friends to have the responsibility of looking after me off their shoulders. They've already done so much for me. I want them to have a life, not spend it away from their families to look after me."

"I understand. Be assured that we will give you the best care here. I'll leave you to settle in. A nurse will come and get you for your session tomorrow. Would you like someone to wake you up in the morning?"

"Yes please," Reid said

"Goodnight, Spencer. See you tomorrow," the nurse said before heading to the door.

"Wait, what's your name?" Reid asked.

"My name is Harper," she answered.

"Goodnight, Harper," Reid smiled back. Harper smiled and walked out of the door, closing it as she left. Reid looked around the room for a moment, he slowly sat down on his bed. He knew this was the right thing to do but he couldn't help but feel sad deep down. He wasn't going to be able to curl up on the sofa with Garcia after a nightmare and have her calm him down. He had to do this on his own.

**Thursday**

Garcia sat her computer in her office. She was waiting for vicap results to come back as well as waiting for the team to board the jet. She looked at Reid's picture and felt a sad. She felt disappointed in herself for not looking after him enough. He had called everyday and told her he was okay. Just like he promised. Garcia was about to call the team when she her computer began to ring. She jumped forward and accepted the video call when she saw the name. She secured the video call and smiled happily as Reid came up on her screen.

"Reid, it's so good to see you. Even if it is on a webcam," Garcia said.

"Hey Garcia, is everything okay?" Reid said on the screen. Garcia noticed he looked a little pale.

"Reid, everything is fine here. Are you okay? You look awfully pale," Garcia asked.

"Side effect of one of my medications, they are changing it. I stopped being sick last night. I'm fine. I had a nightmare last night, that was scariest part of last night."

Garcia was about to talk when another video call was coming through. It was the team on the jet. "Reid, hold on a moment."

Garcia answered the other call to see the team.

"Morning, babygirl," Morgan said to the screen. "Have those results come through yet?"

"Not yet," Garcia answered. "Guys, someone else is here. Hang on."

Garcia did some computer magic and connected Reid's video call so the rest of the team could see him and so that Reid could see the team.

"Reid!" JJ smiled as she saw Reid wave gently at the webcam.

"Hey, pretty boy. How are you feeling? You doing okay?"

"I'm doing fine. I felt scared the first night but it was okay after that. I shouldn't have disturbed you all while you were at work. I'll call back later," Reid said.

"Reid, don't you dare hit that disconnect button," Garcia warned quickly. "We have some time so talk to us."

"I can come and visit after today is over. If you call me when you get back, I can come and visit. I can talk to you properly then," Reid explained to them. "What case are you working on?

"Reid, it's a bad one. I don't think you want to know," Morgan said quickly.

"Oh, okay," Reid said, slight disappointment in his voice.

"We have an unsub who has sent a coded message, we don't know what is means. He's killed five people."

They watched Reid looked around for a moment. "Can I see it? I might be able to help you."

Hotch pulled the note out and showed it to the webcam. They watched Reid put on his glasses and study the note.

"He wants a man called David Gregory released. He is going to kill a person each day if his demand is not met."

The team sat there for a moment completely amazed. Hotch couldn't help the smile on his face.

"Reid, how do you know that?" Emily asked.

"The symbols are just a mix of different languages. Each separate letter is in a different language. You have about five different languages there. You have arabic, Japanese and more. I can email you a complete translation if you want."

"That would help, Reid."

"Just glad I could help. I miss being around you all," Reid admitted.

"We miss you too," Garcia smiled gently.

**Please review**


	52. Chapter 52

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Slight change in plan, the new fanfic will be up tomorrow. I'm almost finished but I overslept way too much today and time has been a bit short. Sorry about that. **

**Thank you for the reviews, you are brilliant and amazing. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid opened his eyes slowly. He felt confusion as he found himself looking up at a red ceiling. He looked to his arm as he felt something drip onto it, his eyes focused on the small drop of blood travelling down his arm. The blood hit a small strap around his wrist. Reid panicked as he tried to move his arms and legs. He was strapped down onto a bed. He struggled violently as he realised more blood continued to drop from the ceiling. He began to struggle violently.

"You should know by now that struggling will do you no good," a voice laughed from behind him. Reid shook with fear as he watched Ross and Abraham into his view. Ross smiled at him while Abraham prepped a few needles.

"You are in prison! Both of you are in prison! You can't be here," Reid screamed as he tugged against his straps. He cringed as Ross placed a hand onto his neck and used one finger to stroke down his throat.

"We are right here. Just eager to finish you off," Abraham smiled before bringing a needle to Reid's arm. He slipped the needle in but didn't push the plunger. "How much do you want the special stuff in this syringe? We know how much you have been craving. We could end your life with a high, you would barely feel anything. Everyone will be free of you. You think you are getting better. Stop fooling yourself."

"I am getting better," Reid growled angrily. "I'm doing well and you can't hurt me anymore. You are both going to rot in prison for the rest of your life. I'm healing while you are rotting."

"Your mind obviously thinks different," Ross chuckled before slapping him around the face. Reid winced as he felt a hand pull his head up by his hair. "Look, Spencer."

Reid opened his eyes to see another version of himself sitting against the wall, drool coming down his lip. A lost look in his eyes. He felt sick as he watched Abraham walk over to the broken and empty Reid. Abraham brought a knife out and stabbed it into the broken Reid's shoulder. There was no scream, no reaction at all. Abraham laughed as he pulled out the knife and faced Reid.

"This was supposed to be you and trust me, it still might be. As long as we are alive, you'll always fear us coming out of the shadows to hurt you again. You think your friends can protect you. Maybe, may be not," Abraham smiled. Ross slammed Reid's head back into the bed. Reid closed his eyes and tried to control the fear in his heart. Reid opened his eyes and was shocked when he saw Morgan standing at the side of him.

"Reid, wake up!" Morgan shouted

Reid gasped as his eyes shot open. A strong pain filled his head as he moved his body. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Harper looking down at him with concern.

"Spencer, don't move. You hit your head when you fell out of bed. Are you okay?" Harper asked as she pressed a piece of gauze to Reid's forehead. He groaned at the pressure but took a deep breath to try and calm himself.

"Was I having a nightmare?" Reid asked before another nurse came into the room. Harper and the other nurse helped him get to his feet, he swayed slightly but Harper steadied him.

"Yes, you were. A violent nightmare, I can tell you that. You were screaming. We rushed in to find that you had fallen out of bed and hit the cabinet next to your bed. We are just going to take you to another room and stitch the cut on your head. How do you feel?" she asked.

"A little dizzy but I'm okay," Reid said quietly.

**Fifteen minutes later**

Reid focused on Harper as she stitched up the cut on his forehead. He had to admit that Harper was very good at the stitching. She smiled down at him as she finished the last stitch before placing a small white bandage on his forehead.

"Thank you," Reid said as he watched step away from him. "You are very good at stitching."  
"Thank you, Spencer," Harper smiled before she took a seat next to him. "Spencer, I need to talk to you about your nightmares. You've had one every night since coming here. Were your nightmares this bad before you came here?"

"They didn't happen every night," Reid said gently. "I can't control what my mind does when I am asleep. I wish I could but I can't. When I'm awake, I can maintain some sort of control over what comes into my mind. I can't always stop myself from repeating words or losing control of my emotions but I'm trying to make that better. All I see in my nightmares is what could have been. The people that tortured me still torture me in my dreams."

"Spencer, have you been writing in your journal?" Harper asked.

"Not really, there isn't much to write. I still going through my treatment."

"Spencer, I want you to write down your nightmares. I want you to write what you think they mean. Just remember that the people that hurt you can't hurt you anymore. You are safe. The two most important things you can do while recovering are things you need to do. First, you need to talk about what happened and talk about how you can move on. The second is to listen and absorb what you are being told," Harper explained. "Spencer, I need to ask you. Are you still up for your supervised visit tomorrow?"

"I still want to go and visit my friends," Reid said. He couldn't wait to see them. It wasn't the same talking to them on a webcam or over the phone.  
He needed to see them properly. They had only just got back from their recent case. He was going to see them at the BAU.

"Okay, I just need to know," Harper smiled before jumping off bed. "I'll be the nurse supervising you tomorrow. I hope that is okay."

"That's great," Reid smiled.

**Monday**

Garcia waited impatiently for Reid to walk into the bullpen, she couldn't wait to see him. She had baked an assortment of things for Reid. She watched as the rest of the team kept looking at the elevator doors. Morgan came and stood by her side. He gave her a small smile before handing her a cup of coffee. Garcia took the coffee, took a sip and placed it on the table.

"I can't wait to see him," Garcia said nervously. "I hope he is okay in that place."

"Garcia, he is fine. We have to trust in his decisions if he had any chance of living normally again," Morgan said before placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Garcia looked to elevators, her face brightened as she watched Reid walk out of the elevator with a young women that Garcia recognised as a nurse. Reid walked into the bullpen causing the entire team to rise from their chairs. Hotch and Rossi appeared from their offices. Garcia walked over to Reid and quickly wrapped her arms around him and squeezed gently.

"It is so good to see you," Garcia giggled gently. She came away from the hug. She frowned when she saw something white under Reid's fringe. Brushing his hair from his forehead, she found a bandage on his forehead. "Reid, what happened?"

The rest of the team noticed the bandage and surged forward.

"What happened to him?" Hotch demanded as he faced Harper.

"Hotch, don't growl at her like that," Reid said defensively. "I had a nightmare and fell out of my bed. I hit my head. Harper stitched my head and helped me. Please treat her with respect."

Hotch looked at Reid with surprise for a moment before looking back to Harper. "I'm sorry for being so rude."

"It's fine," Harper assured Hotch. "Spencer has made great progress at the centre. He can only stay for an hour for his first visit. He's got an appointment later today."

The team understood Harper's words and felt saddened as they only had an hour. Garcia looked at Reid's clothing.

"Reid, you look so smart," Garcia smiled.

"Harper picked it out," Reid answered quickly. Garcia turned to face Harper and held out her hand.

"I'm Penelope Garcia, it's nice to meet you."

Harper took Garcia's hand and shook it. "I'm Harper Ray, it's nice to meet you too. I'll sit and wait while you speak with Spencer. As long as I can see him, he is fine. I'm responsible for him while he is on the visit."

"I'd like to talk about some things with you, if you don't mind," Hotch asked. "We can speak in my office, you will still be able to see Reid."

"Okay," Harper agreed before turning to the team. "Please call me if he needs any help. See you in an hour, Spencer."

Reid watched as Harper walked up the stairs and into Hotch's office. He turned back to Garcia and the team.

"She's very nice," Garcia grinned. Reid was confused for a moment before he understood the meaning behind Garcia's words.

"Garcia, she is just my nurse."

"Really?" Morgan questioned. "You seem very protective of her."

Reid rolled his eyes before letting out a small smile.

"Reid, don't roll your eyes at us," Morgan chuckled. "It's good to see you, pretty boy. Come on, let's sit down and talk."

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	53. Chapter 53

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'll be honest, my original amount of last chapter by increase just by a few. Hope that is okay. My new fanfic is also up, it's called Lost. Check it out.  
**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are great, beautiful and angels. Big hug! Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

Reid was facing the team, they sat in the BAU room around the table. Garcia had presented him with a plate of cookies and a cupcake. Picking up the cupcake, he took a large bite into it and grinned happily as chewed, the flavour of the icing hitting his taste buds. Reid quickly devoured the cupcake causing Garcia to let out a small giggle.

"Garcia, that was amazing. Thank you," Reid smiled. "I miss having your cupcakes."

"I've packed you a basket for when you go back to the centre. I've put cupcakes, cookies, brownies and lots of other things in there," Garcia said. "Reid, how are you doing? How have they been treating you at the centre? Remember, you are in a room of profilers and they will tell me if you are lying."

"The centre is great, I've met some new people. There is one guy called Joe, he does amazing impressions, he makes me laugh every time. He also helped me settle in a little easier. They are treating me well at the centre. I'm going to therapy sessions and group sessions, I'm keeping myself occupied. During the day, things are easier to control. I still repeat and zone out but it's happening less. It's at night I lost control. I've had nightmares every day this since going to the centre and they have been violent. I didn't even wake up when I hit my head. I'm going to start working on my nightmares this week. I'm still haunted by what happened to me and I have to work through it. I'm doing fine, I'm doing better," Reid explained calmly. "How are you all doing?"

"Work has been heavy this week. Reid, thank you for translating that coded note for us. It was a huge help for us. Most of all, we've just been worried about you. We wanted to come and visit you but we haven't time with being in and out of the BAU. Sorry for that, pretty boy," Morgan said.

"Morgan, don't apologise. This is what I wanted. Being at the centre allows me to recover and allows you to all get on with your job and lives," Reid replied. He turned to Rossi. "Rossi, thank you again for paying for my treatment. I also have you to thank for the size of my room. According to Harper, it's the best room they have."

"Anytime Reid. I want you as comfortable as possible," Rossi smiled gently.

"How long do you think you will be in the centre?" JJ asked. "It's very different not seeing you everyday."

"I'm not sure how long I will be there. I'm hoping that it won't be taking long but I know I can't try to cheat during my recovery. I can't force my body to accept that I am all better, till I am better. I'm still deciding on whether to come back to BAU. I want to come back but I don't want to be a liability to you. You can't someone who can't back you up in the field."

Reid noticed a small look travel around the table. Something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I know that look and something isn't right."

Emily sighed gently. "Reid, your job isn't being held open."

"What?!" Reid said, a mix of anger and surprise in his voice. Hotch had told him someone was only taking over temporarily and that they would replace him when he gave them his decision.

"Reid, please listen. We are trying to fight against it but Strauss is receiving trouble from the other directors. She is trying to get them to keep you in the team. They are keeping up your current pay but until further notice, you are not a member of the BAU. Your replacement came this morning. He is on a probationary period for three months. Reid, we will get you back into the BAU. I promise," Emily said.

"Don't make promise you can't keep," Reid snapped angrily. Emily flinched slighty at the venom in his voice but she knew he couldn't always control his anger. Garcia stepped forward and put her hand on Reid's shoulder. Reid pulled away and looked at them with anger. "I think I'm going to go now. You have your new family. I hope he is better than me."

Reid pushed his chair out and stormed out of the room. The team raced after him as he ran up to Hotch's office. He pushed open the door to see a surprised Harper.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" Harper asked urgently as she stepped forward.

"I want to go back to the centre. I don't want to be here anymore," Reid whispered to her. Harper put her hand on his shoulders.

"Okay, Spencer. We will leave but you need to calm down first. Look into my eyes," Harper coached. Reid looked into her eyes. "Spencer, take a deep breath. That's good and not let it out. Keep doing that. Remember, you need to stabilise your anger."

"What happened?" Hotch asked as he stepped forward.

"Enjoy the new team member, I guess you won't have to worry about a screw up coming back into the BAU. I didn't know if I was coming back but I guess that is another decision made for me. I don't need this stupid job anyway," Reid said angrily. Harper grabbed Reid's shoulders and turned him around, she guided him out the door and downstairs.

"Let's go back to the centre, you can have some rest there," Harper said before facing the team. "I will call and let you know about future visits."

Harper was about to leave when Garcia called out. "Wait, take this with you."

Garcia handed Harper the basket of food and gave her a small sad smile. Harper smiled back at her before guiding Reid back to elevator. Reid walked into the elevator, he looked back to the team to see a brown-haired man walk up to them. Someone Reid didn't recognise. The new team member. Reid went to storm forward but Harper grabbed his arms and pulled him back. Deep down, he knew he shouldn't feel so angry but he couldn't help it.

"Spencer, he isn't worth it. Think about this," Harper warned. The elevator doors closed blocking the target of Reid's rage.

**Three hours later**

"Spencer! Calm down," Harper shouted as she watched Reid swipe items from his desk to the floor.

"Why? Why should I calm down? I have nothing to work towards now. I have no family anymore, I have no job to work towards and I'm mentally screwed. I have nothing. Even this room is paid by one of them," Reid screamed angrily. He grabbed his chair and threw it across the room. Harper called for help but Reid barely registered two men entering the room.

"Spencer, I'm sorry," Harper said sadly. The two men stepped forward and grabbed him by his arms. Harper retrieved a small needle causing Reid to begin panicking.

"No,no,no,no,no,no," Reid pleaded as he struggled against the men holding him. "Don't give me that. Please, I'll be good."

"It's just to calm you down," Harper assured him as she stepped forward with the needle. Reid struggled more as he felt the needle press into skin. He felt the effects as soon as she pressed the plunger. His entire body went weak, the two men supported him and carried him over to the bed. Reid felt a heavy haze on his mind, he could barely remember why is he was angry. He felt a soft hand stroke his hair.

"I'm sorry I had to do that but you were going to hurt yourself. Sleep and we can talk about what happened later," Harper said, her voice breaking slightly.

Reid closed his eyes and felt sleep instantly take him.

**Please review**


	54. Chapter 54

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, you are great and wonderfully perfect. Big hug! Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**Three hours later**

Garcia and Morgan waited patiently at the reception desk of the centre. Both of them wanted to see Reid. They needed to talk to him. Seeing Reid lost control and angrily shout at them was something they hoped was getting better. Garcia stood up straighter as she saw Harper walk into the reception area.

"How is he doing?" Garcia asked quickly as she stepped forward. "We didn't mean to upset him."

"You did though," Harper said angrily catching Garcia and Morgan by surprise. "He was angry and upset the entire time we drove back here. He went into his room and started throwing and breaking things. He scared other patients. He screamed about having no goal. You have no idea what you have done to him. A possible return to his job was his main goal and he doesn't have that anymore. His recovery has taken a serious hit."

"He asked and he would have known if we lied to him. Can we see him? Please, we just want to see him and tell him that he is still part of our family. He thinks that we just replaced him. We didn't want his job to be taken but we didn't have a choice. He can still come back, we can make sure of that," Morgan explained. "He can come back if he gets better and passes the evaluation tests. We will always have him on the team."

"I don't think it is a good idea for you to see him," Harper said. "He wouldn't be able to fully focus on you anyway."

"What are you talking about?" Garcia demanded.

"He was becoming violent and combative, we had no choice. I had to sedate him," Harper admitted.

"You sedated him!" Morgan shouted causing Harper to flinch slightly. "He hates needles and he hates anything that clouds his mind. I'm guessing that he didn't like you giving him the sedative."

"Calm down, Mr Morgan," Harper warned. "I only have Spencer's best interests at heart. He is an amazing young man who didn't deserve what happened to him. He told me what happened to him. I didn't think the visit was a good idea today because I didn't think he was ready. I was right. I didn't want to sedate him but I didn't want him to hurt himself either. He has been calm most of his time here. I did what needed to be done to protect him. To protect him from himself."

Morgan calmed down slightly as he listened to Harper's words.

"Please, just let us see him. We only need a few minutes," Garcia pleaded gently. She watched as Harper succumbed to her plea, Garcia admired Harper at that moment. He was happy that Reid has such a caring nurse.

"You can see him but the maximum time I am giving you is ten minutes. I stay in the room and supervise your visit. The moment he starts to get angry or upset, I will remove you from the room," Harper instructed. "He's very groggy so it might take him a minute to start talking to you. Follow me."

Morgan and Garcia followed her into Reid's room, they both felt the guilt inside of them increase as they saw Reid on his bed, he was barely awake. Simply staring at the blank grey canvass of his wall. Harper leaned against the wall as Garcia and Morgan entered the room. Garcia sat on the bed and placed her hand on Reid's shoulder, she shook it gently as she roused Reid from his groggy state. Reid's eyes slowly and sluggishly looked over to her. Reaching his hand up, he weakly pulled himself to the top of the bed and away from Garcia's touch.

"Go away," Reid whispered weakly, his eyes travelled to Harper. "You too."

Harper remained against the wall, her eyes looking at Reid with compassion and worry.

"Reid, we just need to talk to you for a minute and then we will go," Garcia smiled sadly. "Reid, we are not replacing you. You are part of our family, we would never replace you. We love you."

"What's hissss name?" Reid said slowly. "One who got my job."

"His name is Luke Rosen," Morgan answered. "Trust me kid, he doesn't hold a torch to you."

"Not a kid," Reid growled weakly. "Crazyyy but not a kiddd."

Harper gave Morgan a warning glance. Morgan knew that they had just received their first warning.

"Reid, we are all going to fight for you to keep your job. Don't worry, you will always have a place with the BAU. Never forget that. He is with us on a probationary period."

"He cannn keep my job. Don't wannt it anymore and you willl be a better team withouttt me," Reid moaned heavily. "Don't know why IIII ever thought I'ddd get better. Just stupid and dumb. IQ offf nothing."

"Sweetheart, no. You are special and you are smart. You are the smartest person I know," Garcia said as she tried to touch Reid's arm. He curled in on himself and further away from Garcia.

"Go away!" Reid said as angrily as he could. "Neverrr come back. GO!"

"I think it's time you leave," Harper ordered as she walked away from the wall and stood between Morgan and Reid. "Leave now."

"Who do you think you are?" Morgan said angrily. "We are his family, not you!"

"Leaveee her alone!" Reid shouted weakly before he tried to step off the bed, his legs failed him and he fell the floor. Harper rushed to his side and helped sit him up. "Go away, Morgan. Go!"

"Just remember we are here, Reid. Don't forget us," Morgan said before leaving the room quickly.

"Goodbye, Reid. I'll call you tomorrow," Garcia said sadly as she got to her feet. "Goodbye, sweetheart."

Harper watched as Morgan and Garcia left the room, she looked down to Reid to see him looking upset.

"Spencer, things are going to get better. I promise they will," Harper said as she rubbed her hand on his bed. "I'm sorry about sedating you. I was afraid you were going to hurt yourself."

Reid looked up and looked into her eyes. "Please don't sssedate me again. Don't like it. I'lll be good."

"Just don't get angry and scare me like that again," Harper smiled gently. "C'mon, I'll help you get on the bed. You can sleep for the rest of the day. Spencer, I know things seem bad but we can help you get through that. We can find another goal for you to achieve."

"I hope so," Reid sighed.

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	55. Chapter 55

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Okay, so my update times are going to change. I used to update at 3.00am as I couldn't sleep but taking something now to sleep so updates will be midday to afternoon now. Hope that is okay. The next chapter, there are two more chapters left after this.  
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**All mistakes are my own**

**Two months later**

Reid felt excited and nervous as he sat on his bed. Today was the day he was leaving the centre. He didn't know what was going to happen in his life next but he just hoped it was something good. There was a job waiting for him but it wasn't with the team anymore. His job was longer there for him. He was still an agent but he was going to teach at the academy. Deep down, he wasn't sure how he felt about teaching future FBI agents. He knew how hard it was for them. He didn't want to tell them that what happened to him might happen to them. Being an agent carried danger. It carried the danger of not knowing what unsub was around the corner waiting. He stood up from the bed and pack the last few items from his room into a small box. He shut the box and put it on the floor. Someone was coming for the boxes later in the day and bringing them back to the apartment. The team didn't know he was leaving today. He'd not spoken to them in two months. He had seen Garcia try to visit. Watching her walk away from the centre from his window hurt him but it was for the best. He didn't to hurt her hurt again and he didn't want to get hurt by the team again.

"Are you all ready to leave?" Harper smiled gently from the door.

"Yeah, I'm ready. I have some of my stuff being picked up later by a friend," Reid said. "I'm looking forward to getting on with my life. How is your boyfriend?"

"He's fine," Harped said gently. "He is close to finishing his learning course. He wanted me to thank you for the help you gave him."

"Learning a new language isn't easy," Reid shrugged. He picked up his bag and placed it over his shoulder. "Thank you, Harper. Thanks for everything you have done for me."

"Just doing my job, Spencer. Feel free to call me anytime you need some help. I'd like it if we stayed friends," Harper said as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Reid. Reid hugged her back before stepping away from the hug.

"I'd like to stay friends too," Reid said gently. "I'll call you if anything bad happens. Thank you for everything."

"Anytime," Harper nodded. "Goodbye, Spencer."

"Goodbye, Harper."

**A few minutes later**

Reid looked back at the place he'd called his home for two months. He gripped his satchel tightly and walked out of the door, he felt a thousand time better as a cold breeze hit his skin. He began to walk down the pathway. He wanted to walk home. He could do that. He wanted to keep up the good progress he had made. He wasn't about to lose two months of hard work.

"Dr Reid," a voice spoke next to him. He stopped and looked up to see the man who had replaced him. Luke Rosen was staring back at him.

"Why are you here?" Reid asked, he couldn't help the anger in his voice.

"I came to see you," Luke answered nervously. "Are you leaving?"

Reid didn't talk, he simply nodded. He gripped the strap on his satchel tighter to channel the anger he was feeling. He had learned to control the anger that came from him. It wasn't easy but he was able to do it.

"Look, I came to talk to you because you need to see the team," Luke said.

"They aren't my team anymore, they got rid of me and brought you in as my replacement," Reid snapped. "So much for a team."

"I know you hate me and I know you want nothing more than to punch me," Luke began. "I can accept you being angry at me and hating my guts but I just want you to speak with the others. Especially Garcia. She is struggling right now and it is affecting her and the rest of us. Morgan can barely focus on his word. It's starting to affect him in the field. He almost got shot because he wasn't focusing. Just talk to them. Please, I'm worried about them."

"You don't know them," Reid said angrily as he took a step forward, Luke took a step back. "I was in that team for years and I came to see them as family. I know when each and every one of them is upset, angry, sad or having a hard time. JJ is the mother of my godson and Morgan is like a brother to me. What gives you the right to come here and demand I see them? You have been in that team for less than three months and you think you know them. I got hurt because of my job, I got hurt because of my team but I don't blame. I love them all so much but I can't control my actions. I don't want to hurt them. After a while you till learn what it is. I'm not angry at them or you. I just don't want to hurt them."

"You are hurting them though," Luke sighed gently. "Look, come with me. They are at the office. I'll give you a ride there. They have no idea you are leaving today. I had no idea. I could never replace you. I know I took your job but trust me, you are their family."

Reid stood frozen for a moment as he decided whether to go and see the team. He brushed a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Fine, I'll come with you," Reid said.

"Thank you," Luke smiled.

"Answer me this," Reid said suddenly. "Why do you care so much?"

"I was part of a team once and someone on that team died. I know how it feels to miss someone so much that you can't focus on your work. You are still alive and your team misses you. No matter where you go in life, Dr Reid. They will always be your team and your family. I'm doing this to try and help."

"Let's go then," Reid nodded.

**BAU - Forty minutes later**

"Where is Luke?" Hotch asked as the team took their seats around the table in the BAU room.

"He's late, he should be here by now," Emily answered looking at her watch.

"We will just have to begin without him," Hotch said as he turned on his tablet. Garcia was about to talk when Luke appeared at the door.

"Nice of you to finally join us," Hotch remarked as he saw Luke. "Why are you late?"

"I had some business to attend to," Luke said.

"What kind of business?" Morgan questioned.

"Business with me," Reid spoke up as he stepped out from behind Luke and into the room. "We need to talk."

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	56. Chapter 56

**Hey everyone. I am so sorry for updating yesterday but what I'm taking to sleep, made me a tad too sleepy yesterday. I literally slept, went to work and came home and slept. Really sorry. To make up for it, I am posting two chapters of my other fanfic LOST. Really sorry again. The next chapter in this fanfic will be the last chapter.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, you are all awesome and amazing. I know I have some weird idea when it comes to fanfics but you have to admit, you love reading them. Thank you again!**

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**All mistakes are my own**

"Reid!" Garcia gasped happily, she pushed out her chair and rushed towards him. He stepped back when she went to hug him. Garcia put her arms back down at her side and took a step back. "Sorry, Reid. It's just nice to see you again. Are you here on a supervised visit?"

"No, I left the centre today. I'm a lot better than I was. Luke caught me as I was leaving the centre. He made some good points about me coming to speak to you," Reid answered. The team's eyes all focused on Luke at the moment.

"Luke, why did you go there? What did you say?" Garcia demanded.

"I know what is like to be on a team and to lose someone from it. You miss and you miss them. I can never replace Dr Reid but I can see how much his absence is affecting you all. You aren't focused and you can't concentrate on the work. The person I lost from my team died and I would do anything to bring her back but I can't do that. Dr Reid isn't dead. He is here and you all need to talk. I'm just trying to make things better," Luke said as he leaned against the door frame. "I'll leave for a while."

"No, please stay," Reid said suddenly. Luke stopped and leaned against the door frame again.

"Luke, I'm sorry," Reid apologised. "I pre-judged you. The first time I saw you, I was angry because I thought the team had replaced me. I thought they had forgotten me and chosen to move away from all the stress I was causing. I was in a bad place two months ago, I couldn't make sense of things and I couldn't control my anger. I was broken and I needed fixing. I'm happy that you are with team as long as you treat them well and watch out for them when they are in the field. I have other goals to work towards and I think they are goals that I can manage. I'm sorry for judging you before I even knew you."

Luke nodded, the surprise of Reid's words still holding him. Reid turned back and looked at Garcia.

"Garcia, I know that you have tried to visit me. I'm sorry that I pushed you away but it was necessary. I didn't want to hurt you anymore, I've got some control over my actions now. You have no idea how much it hurt to watch you walk away from the centre crying. I just wanted to protect you, I didn't want to hurt you. I thought you didn't want me in your family anymore."

"Oh sweetie, you will always be part of this family. We love you," Garcia said. "We just want to keep you safe. You didn't cause us any stress. Reid, we just want to make sure that you're taken care of and looked after. Can I hug you?

Reid let out a small sigh and walked over to Garcia. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a strong hug. He loved hugging Garcia, it had been two months since he had last seen her face to face.

"Sorry I didn't let you see me," Reid whispered to her.

"That's okay, all that matters is that you feel better," Garcia smiled back. "Just don't ignore me again. Promise me."

"I promise," Reid smiled as he came away from the hug. He took a deep breath and faced the team.

"Morgan, I'm sorry I treated you the way I did," Reid began to say. "I was struggling two months ago to adapt to all the new things going on. Seeing Luke replace me, losing my job. I couldn't control my anger or myself. I'm better now. I don't have the thoughts that I used to have. All I want to do is get on with my life and enjoy it. You all didn't deserve what I said. This job was an important part of my life and even though it isn't now, I hope it will be again in the future. I have another job for now."

"Job? What job?" Hotch questioned. "I should know."

"I told them not to tell you. I didn't want you knowing what I was to be doing. I want you to understand that I need to make my own decisions. I need my independence now. It's important for my recovery to be able to do things on my own. I'm going to teach at the academy. I'll be teaching profiling, behaviour patterns etc. I'm not allowed into the field in my current state and I'm not allowed to carry a gun. I still want to be with the FBI, I worked too hard to walk away. I can still consult on cases but I need your permission along with Strauss," Reid explained.

"Reid, I'm more than happy to have you consult on cases with us and I'm sure Strauss would agree with me. Just remember that you will always be part of this team," Hotch smiled gently.

"Sorry for yelling at you," Reid apologised.

"In the past," Hotch replied.

"Henry has missed you," JJ spoke up. "We all have. Can we come and see you when we have finished this case? Henry would be ecstatic to see you again."

"I'd love to see Henry," Reid nodded.

"I'll let you get on with the case, it looks like a bad one," Reid said before walking towards the door. "I'll see you all soon."

"Reid, it's good to see you again," Morgan smiled.

"It's good to see you all again," Reid said with a small smile. "We still have things to talk about but they can wait. I'll see you all soon."

"See you soon, Reid, " Garcia smiled happily.

"One more thing," Reid said. "Go easy on Luke, he's a good replacement and a good guy."

Luke couldn't help smiling. "Thanks Dr Reid."

"Call me Spencer," Reid said as he held out his hand for Luke to shake. Luke took Reid's hand and shook it firmly. "Thanks, Spencer."

"Thanks for making me come here today," Reid thanked.****

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	57. Chapter 57

**Hey everyone. Here is the last chapter of this fanfic. I want to thank you all for reading this and staying with it. Thank you! Thanks for reading!**

**Thank you again for the reviews, you are all fantastic and brilliant. Thank you!**

**Enjoy and please review**

**All mistakes are my own**

**One year later**

"Profiling is one of the best skills you can have as an agent. Not only can it help you find the unknown subject you are searching for, it can also help you in dangerous situations. By profiling the subject, you can distract them and even talk them down with just your words. I'll warn you now that being a profiler in the behavioural analysis unit is not easy," Reid said as he addressed his class.

"Why?" one of this students asked.

"Being a profiler means looking into the mind of a killer, you don't know what the next case will bring or how tough it will be. You have to accept that you will see images that show the worst of humanity. You have to learn to take your emotions and own beliefs out when necessary and focus on the case. The FBI means that you'll be in dangerous situations. You need to trust those around you. Trusting your team is the most important thing you could do," Reid explained before looking at his watch. "That is all we have time for today but I will see you all tomorrow. Please read the material you were given. We will be examining the case tomorrow."

"Dr Reid, why don't you work in the BAU anymore?" a student asked quickly.

"I still work with them," Reid corrected. "I consult with them on cases at the moment but I will be returning to the unit full-time next month. Being in the FBI is dangerous and you make enemies. I had to stop working because I got injured. I'm better now and I can rejoin the unit. I've been in your place before. I was the student and I was learning what it meant to be in the FBI. Being in the FBI means working in a team. If you can't work in a team, the FBI is not a place for you. I will see you all tomorrow."

Reid watched his class leave and let out a long sigh as he walked over to his desk and packed away his things. He placed his satchel over his shoulder and brushed his hand through his hair. Walking out of the large hall, Reid couldn't help but think about what had happened over the last year. It had been different and lonely at time but teaching at the academy let him focus on getting his mind back to normal. He knew he was never be one hundred percent himself but he was close. Working at the academy allowed him time to work through things. His nerves were high though. He was returning to the BAU next week. He had passed the qualification to carry a gun and cleared to return to the field. There were conditions to his return but he was happy to accept them. Reid yawned as the day caught up with him and he walked out the building.

"Hey Spencer," Luke called.

Reid walked over to the car to meet Luke.

"Hey Luke, how are you?"

"I'm fine, a little nervous about next month but I can tell the rest of team is excited for your return," Luke replied. "I'm here to give you a ride to Rossi's place."

"Are you sure about transferring out of the unit?" Reid asked as he jumped into the passenger seat of the car.

"I think it's the best thing to do. I don't think the BAU is the best place for me. I struggle with looking into other people's minds the way that you and the team do. I'm good as a profiler. I enjoyed the unit when I first arrived but seeing evil, looking into evil and absorbing the kind of evil that is in a case. It's starting to get to me. Plus, my girlfriend is pregnant. I want to have a more stable working schedule for when the baby arrives," Luke explained.

"Janie's pregnant?" Reid said in surprise. "Congratulations, Luke."

"Thanks," Luke smiled as he pulled into traffic. "Transferring is the right choice for me. Besides, the team can't wait for you to come back. They all seem a lot happier than they have been. Be ready for Garcia when you go back to work. She is buzzing for your return."

"I see them every week, you would think that my return would be low-key," Reid chuckled gently.

"Is anything ever low-key when it comes to Garcia?" Luke pointed out. "Consulting with us was good but the BAU will be a lot better when you return. They need a resident genius."

**A month later**

Reid walked into the BAU, he stopped dead in his tracks when he looked into the bullpen to see the entire team looking back at him, a giant banner on the upper level railings saying 'WELCOME BACK.'

"Woah," Reid gasped gently.

Garcia rushed over to him and brought him into a big, loving hug. Reid wrapped his arms around her and couldn't help the hug grin that came across his face. Garcia came away from the hug, placed her hands on his cheeks and leaned up to kiss his forehead.

"Welcome back," Garcia said happily, tears of joy in her eyes. "We've missed you being here. Come here."

Garcia quickly grabbed Reid's hand and pulled him to the rest of the group. Reid chuckled gently as he saw a cake on the table. He laughed when he saw a small figurine on it. A small figure of a professor was on the cake but had a FBI vest on his chest.

"Thank you guys, you didn't need to do this," Reid smiled.

"Yes, we did. It's so nice to have you back here and back with the team," Garcia beamed happily.

"It's good to have you here with us, pretty boy," Morgan grinned.

"Welcome back Reid, are you ready to get back to work full-time?" Hotch asked.

Reid looked around at the team and nodded. "I'm ready."

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